Good Weekend

Well this weekend was great.

 

There was some junk food though -- namely Oreo cookies.

 

I was eating over someone that had blown me off after making plans with me. Hmmm...wonder who that was? Mr. Wrong, of course, who just wanted a playmate available 24 hours per day whose world centers on him.

 

I decided to cut him off and I'm thanking God for the willingness, which I couldn't find before. I don't have to email Mr. Wrong a nastygram; don't have to tell him; all I have to do is ignore him. He doesn't like not being worshipped and sought after.

 

Apparently, God guides through intuitive thought and gentle direction. Because, I'll tell you what, before last night, I could not find the willingness at all. I couldn't imagine not having Mr. Wrong in my life again, as a 'friend'. Yeah right. We all know it would have gone farther than that. It would have taken over my life and it was already starting to. I felt like I couldn't stop it. I felt like I was falling down a hole and couldn't stop.

 

But I got so angry when I made plans to hang out with him last night at 7pm. 8pm came and went with no contact from el jerkoff. He finally showed up around 12am, after I'd gone grocery shopping, rented a movie, and watched 3/4 of it and wants to know if I'm available. I had wanted to go to a movie last night but didn't because what was I doing? Waiting for him. What if he called while I was at the theatre? I wouldn't be able to drop everything and go home to be on the internet! Oh God no!

 

No wonder why I felt so sad on Thursday and Friday! I knew I was doing it again. I kept wondering how am I going to get out of this; but then I would think -- you can't. It's too late. I felt inexorably pulled toward this guy who has previously treated me like crap. I felt like I had no control over it. At all.

 

But when he infuriated me last night by blowing me off, as he always used to do, with no excuse at all, and no feeling that he needed to provide a reason for having wasted my time, that was it. I woke up.

 

I was sitting here so livid that I could hardly stand it and I decided to grab my OA For Today book and try to get some peace and some direction. I started reading and started feeling even angrier and wondering why I was even there.

 

When dumbshit fell asleep during a game, and didn't say anything the whole time we were playing, and neither did I, I just signed off without saying anything and ignored his subsequent cell phone text message. I don't need this shit.

 

I was trying to make Mr. Wrong into my higher power, again. Giving him the reins of my life. I felt it before but didn't intellectually put two and two together until last night; I wasn't bare bones honest with myself about it until last night. But when I got honest, it was like a lightning bolt.

 

God I'd even started contemplating playing The Sims Online. "It'll be fun while I'm doing the laundry!" Thank God I'd had the wisdom to throw that game in the trash. Otherwise, I'd go over to my sister's, do laundry, and screw around with that all day.

 

The only good thing about it would be that I'd look forward to doing laundry and I'd actually do it right.

 

Anyway, that's the aha moment for today. I gotta get moving; OA meeting's at 4pm and I still have to visit the Units and do laundry. :o)