It's a rainy, yucky day out today.
And it's been a yucky day for me.
Last night was very yucky. I've just been feeling yucky lately.
Maybe it's because Ex has been gone for a month and it's just now hitting me that I'm alone. And now that the novelty of being alone has worn off, it's just not fun anymore. Now it's just what it is - being alone. Maybe I’m just running out of steam…keeping myself busy hasn't been easy. TV, which was so cool before, has now earned that familiar mantra known by TV watchers all over the world: "There's nothing on! Nothing! 60-some channels of nothing! Jaysus!"
And the food is encroaching. It's encroaching. For the first time in a long time, the thought crossed my mind last night that I wanted ice cream. This happened while I was out around midnight, purchasing a bag of cherry bites for consumption.
Right now I feel like I need to have a set food plan which can't be deviated from. I feel like that's the only thing that will keep my disease from creeping in. An "if it's not on the food plan then I can't eat it thing". Then, there are no choices made in the moment.
I really have a feeling that my malaise can be directly attributed to my disease making inroads in my life. I just want to go to sleep, frankly. I feel like I just want to sleep. And not eat at all, honestly. Just hole up, not speak to anyone or be in contact with anyone, and just sleep for a while.
I think it'll be cool to go home, hop in bed, and sleep until 7:30, then go to my meeting tonight.
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