Horrendous Easter Dinners Make Me Want to Eat the World

I went to my meeting last night; the famous, ginormous Tuesday night meeting, and I got some peace, I think. I shared that my sponsor had pointed out, rightly, that I couldn't slow down because I was running from my feelings about having spent the weekend with my family.

Easter dinner was one big long argument, with Mom in the kitchen, grumbling as she fixed dinner. Niece was chasing the cat because it was the most interesting thing going on, the only thing that would just play with her. Dad was just sitting there as usual, issuing orders here and there that no one paid any attention to, unless he was informing us that Niece was torturing the cat. It was noisy as hell, chaotic, disorganized, crowded, and irritable, as usual. It was so much so that I volunteered to host the next holiday. I'm sure that I will wish I hadn't done that when the next holiday rolls around.

Honestly, I made the choice to call my sister first thing and let her know that I had Niece for Easter. I made the choice to stay up until all hours Saturday night, which left me ill-equipped to handle Sunday afternoon. I chose to go to my parents' for dinner, and I chose to eat the foods that I did. Yeah, I have an eating disorder, but that doesn't negate my part in making choices that I wasn't happy with later on.

But even so -- I'm grateful for the ability that OA has given me to say, yes, I made some bad choices, but because I write down my food and I write down my money, I know that althoug I may have fallen off the wagon while making those choices, I didn't burn the wagon. The wagon is still there and I can climb back on and continue on with my life. Falling off the wagon temporarily does not equate to falling into Hell.

So although yesterday wasn't a stellar day where food is concerned, today is a new day. And today, I can make different choices and feel good about those choices, while forgiving myself for things I did yesterday.

Someone pointed out that I am way too hard on myself. Yeah, I am. But check this out: what you see here is an IMPROVEMENT over how I used to be. Yup, it's an improvement. I used to be a lot harder on myself.

So I guess I know what it means when I hear in meetings so often that we claim spiritual progress, not perfection. I HAVE made progress. Since perfection is unattainable, I will take my progress.