Online Lotharios

It turns out that nothing deters online lotharios. Not even changing your profile to marital status: unavailable.

 

Suppose I changed my gender to something like this: Hell if I know.

 

Or maybe something like, "What if you have both parts?"

 

Or maybe, "Let me put it this way: Felicity Huffman is my hero."

 

Oh wait, there is one thing that would nix their efforts forever. I could put my weight on my profile. They'd drop off like flies then. That's what happens in conversation, let me tell you.

 

You could tell some guy trolling for a mate that you just got out of a 2 year relationship and you're not dating for a year and still he'd press on. I keep hoping one of these people will just want to be a friend. Why would I hope something so stupid? I don't know; out of loneliness late at night? Out of caffeine induced insomnia? (drank a diet pepsi around 11pm).

 

You could tell one of these fruits that your vagina is blocked by a ginormous genital wart that's growing little hairs, and his vacuous response would be something like this, "So, do you have a pic, pretty girl?" I think I'm going to try it next time some jerk IMs me, in fact. I'll keep y'all posted.

 

My witty repartee is lost on these tools. I mean, it's ridiculous. Guys all say they want someone smart. They all say they want someone they can talk to. What they really want is a nice rack and a juicy little butt, with a narrow waist and killer abs in between. Long blonde hair and the absence of conscious thought is a plus. Hence, why Paris Hilton is so popular. She's arm candy.

 

Well, that's enough bitching for one night, I think. Truth it, I could solve this problem quite simply -- by just putting no information on my profile at all. But what fun would that be? Then I wouldn't have anything to bitch about...and we all know that bitching is by far what I do best.