Things Are Looking Up, I Guess

Life seems good today.

 

I went to work early - at about 7:15am. Had a client visit to set up for. Supervisor nagged me a little bit about cleaning up the meeting room. I 'spaced' it. Truly, I was too busy and not willing to stay late. I had a dinner guest to prep for. And that's why we have janitorial staff, not to mention that I had the cafe downstairs cater it, so there's not much to clean up anyway. The rest of the day seemed to go well. It turned out that I hemmed my pants that Ex bought me a little too short. Oh well, they're way more wearable now than they were when they dragged on the floor.

 

Tomorrow it's going to be 90 degrees but I don't feel like ironing a shirt to wear, even though I need to.

 

It is so beautiful out tonight. I miss living downtown in the ghetto. It may have been dangerous, but when I lived closer to downtown, I could go downtown to the park there and walk around as much as I wanted. I used to go down to the Old Market and have a salad for dinner at M's Pub with a glass of wine, sit at the bar, and write in a journal. It was neat to be around people, but not 'with' someone. What was cool about that was that even though M's Pub is super expensive, maybe I couldn't afford a full meal, but I could afford a little something, and that was plenty for me. Some businessman from Chicago tried to pick me up once; no dice. I just couldn't make conversation with him, and although he was cute, he was a weeeeee bit older than me. Nowadays, I don't know that I would think that was all that flattering. I'm not desperate for attention now. Oh yes, I crave it. Of course I do; we all do. But not in the insane way that I once did.

 

I had a friend over tonight...for the first time since I've lived in this apartment. It was cool. I fixed dinner, which became a little carbonized and then I taught her to crochet. Her chain looked like a corkscrew, but she's catching on quick. We just had a great time. It was cool that there was another soul, non blood-related, in this apartment besides me and that they weren't blood-related to me.

 

Things are looking up, I guess, but I still feel sad about the breakup. I guess that nagging feeling of sadness will hang around for a while. It's not ever-present. Just when I'm alone. That's one reason it was so cool to have someone over tonight. And to cook for them and sit with them and talk to them. And to know that I can actually do that more often, which is cool. N might not be too excited about this, but it'll be nice to have a guinea pig to experiment on with my cooking. :o) She just walked into a whole new world and didn't even know it LOL.

 

Now here is what I am looking forward to most of all in my life right now -- Niece is going to spend the night from 5pm Saturday to 5pm Sunday. I'm excited about dying eggs and getting her some toys when I'm out grocery shopping on Friday, but also frightened. What if she won't listen to me? What will I do? What will we do with all that time? One thing I know -- I am so much more able to be present with her now. I can truly enjoy my time with her. And I do miss her.

 

And I realized something else -- when my sister was pregnant with Niece, I felt like she was surrogate mothering for me. She wasn't, of course, but I always just assumed that she would share her baby with me so I could have the experience of motherhood. I always felt like that was my baby, not just hers. This is more than a little warped, people.

 

I have vacation on Friday and Monday. There is a new word around the office for vacation time and it's fucking annoying as hell. The new word is VACAY. Good God. It sounds so....fakey and God, just say the whole damn word! "Are you taking some vacay, Secretary?"

 

"See you got some vacay comin' up this week. Good for you!"

 

"So, what are you doin with your vacay?"

 

Jesus God. Deliver me. Why is it that people at ABC Nuts and Bolts feel the need to abbreviate every word they possibly can? Or distill it into an, oh what's that word? Like saying the USA instead of the United States of America.  It drives me nuts.