Wednesday, October 28, 2009

New Things to Opine and Whine About

First off, Taylor Swift is adorable, amazingly talented, and she appears to be working on it, but she can't sing. I hope she gets a vocal coach before little girls start imitating her style of not singing on pitch and taking breaths in the wrong places.

Next, my teacher from Intro to Computer Methods, aka Photoshop and Illustrator, is so irritating. She took an identity package fricking exercise, not even a project, and turned it into this huge bullshit project. We're supposed to pick out Pantone colors and paper samples and shit and glue that to our newly-required, tracing-paper-covered, mat boards. I haven't seen any clear instructions outlining the final directions. It's ridiculous. As usual, she is a lousy teacher though I am sure she's a great designer. Too nitpicky about her students' work for all the wrong reasons and just overall trying to be a good teacher but not really succeeding at it. This teaching gig just fills in the blanks in her income for now while she's building up her design studio clientele.

Loving Drawing. That class is teaching me amazing stuff about drawing. I'm actually good at it!

Typography - teacher was a little pissy today. I guess he didn't get any man-love over the weekend. Seriously, I'm not being a homophobe, he is gay and out, so it's all good. My layouts are great but he goes on about how I have experience in this...uh...no I do not, thank you. I was a secretary for over ten years, not a designer. I just read some books and messed around about eight or nine years ago. I am sponge...I learn a lot from what I experience and I remember a lot of it too. So he's all, "You're doing things a designer would do but you're missing the typography basics." Oh go suck it.

Next- a little snit with my sister. Par for the course.

Next - husband is still in Denver. I'm a little pissed at him for something so hope he's enjoying his eight inches of snow. :) He's supposed to be here on Friday. *insert snort here* . I'm bona-fide irritated with him.

Sick of people sending me anti-Muslim shit and and anti-Obama shit. I'm a Muslim (Allah forgive the bad words...) and Obama is my demi-god. Just kidding 'bout that last. But I am Muslim and the peeps who send me this crap know it. I finally got so fed up with one would-be Crusader and told him, "This is fake (after I checked it on Snopes.com). I can't believe that someone with the level of intelligence you seem to exhibit would continue to forward this junk on." He responded with hurt feelings, saying that he couldn't believe I could be so rude. But, friend, what is ruder? Responding firmly after the umpteenth prod or sending the umpteenth prod after being told to quit it? After someone sets a boundary, it is damned rude not to respect it. Crikey.

So I haven't job-hunted since six months ago or something, right? Right around the time that the last quarter started. OK...today I got an email from a would-be employer who's interested in me and wants me to come in for an interview. Should I go? I don't know.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Inappropriate Teachers and Whipper Snappers

So I was in class today and my female, dainty little teacher is critiquing a student, gently of course. Then she busts out with, "Look, I'm not trying to bust your balls, but..." I immediately mutter, "I cannot believe you just said that." LOL.

I mean, this is a woman who has not the faintest clue of how to wield authority decisively or firmly. There is no question that she is not trying to bust his or anyone else's balls. Cause she's a wuss.

Most of the people in this class are children fresh outta high school. This is the class where they teach you Illustrator and Photoshop, and some of these children will never get a job with just a two year degree. But not because of a lack of strength of the degree. Rather, it would be because they need more than two years just to grow up.

One of the guys in my class is so clueless it's like listening to a 12 year old. Some of the folks are just 18. Can you believe that? I guess I should have figured this out long ago. The 45 year old in drawing class was incredulous that I did not expect such things when I started drawing class, saying, "I usually expect to be the oldest at anything I do." Yeah....but I'm only 32, so I do not yet expect this.

Today was an abstinent day, by default. But the test is yet to be passed...the wee one is not in bed yet and that is my most challenging time of day. Well, I have some great books to read and a couple movies, plus homework. I suppose I should do the homework first. :)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Update

Wow, I have not written in this blog since something like six months ago.

In that six months, I have passed my first wedding anniversary with my hubby. We had a crazy-tough immigration interview. We have not heard the outcome of this yet.

We finally got to a place where we could order me a wedding ring. Hubby brought home from Denver a large, natural, pink sapphire, oval-cut. We are having it mounted in a wheat-motif mounting that a jeweller is custom-making for us.

My daughter is doing amazingly well. Her grades are up a full level, and she reads on a fourth grade level. She is a great speller too. I try to teach her artsy stuff when I have the chance. Her teacher says she is enjoyable and likeable, and seems to have many friends or acquaintances who like to play with her at school. I watch for people ridiculing her whenever I have the chance so as to be sure and nip it in the bud. If I can save her from that suffering and let her know I've got her back, I will.

She has not seen her bio-mom for a year or two now. It seems to do her good not to see her. She doesn't ask to see her either. Nor does she want to talk to her. Whenever I bring up the idea of talking to bio-mom on the phone, she declines, and then misbehaves for a couple of days.

I am in school full-time, studying graphic design at our community college. I love it and am exactly where I'm supposed to be. As long as hubby stays employed, I will be in school. It's a two year degree and I have about a year to go. I used to have trouble imagining how people could actually go to school and be put through their paces voluntarily. Now I am one of those odd adults who adores going to college and doesn't really want it to ever end. If I had my way, I'd snag me a bachelor's degree, not just an associate's, but my family needs me to go back to work someday soon.

Someone gave me a piano and it was the fulfillment of a long-held dream of becoming a musician. Of course, I am a vocal musician, but now I can play an instrument somewhat well, owing to the frequent practice I get with my piano that now stands in the living room. It's a spinet, and I love-et. :) Now I feel like I'm rich!

Add to that our gorgeous Goodwill couch covered with cabbage roses woven in a design that is just-so, and you get a nice looking interior. :) (Ah, the beauty of expensive furniture that finds its way to the thrift store eventually.)Homey, not entirely matched up by any means, but undeniably ours.

I got a lovely metal desk for me to work at, and we placed that in our room. It cost me $20. God bless Craigslist.

My car's health continues to improve with each visit to the mechanic's. Three more repairs, and that 97 Honda Accord coupe will be like a new car to me. :) The engine is good, the clutch and transmission are decent, even though the clutch is a little chattery. I cannot undo what damage the previous, neglectful owners may have done. I love Hondas. My dream car is now a Honda Fit. :)

Marriage is ok. I love my husband and he loves me and all that, but we are separated, for now, by his job. He is in Denver, and we are here, and he visits every other weekend. I would like to go there more often, but it is a long drive with a child, and the wee one is not fond of disorganized road trips that you take to go to a city where you do nothing more than live your ordinary life. The bloom is off of Denver now that a family member of ours lives there and doesn't really want to tour it anymore. I hesitate to have her stay at the sitter's more than one weekend a month. Even that is disruptive. She doesn't want to go with me to Denver, but I worry about her when I'm away. I always think, "What if she is just saying she doesn't want to go, but really does want to?" Even at age 32, I find it very hard to just believe what people tell me with their mouths.

Speaking of age, my birthday is next Sunday. I will be at the OA retreat. I have not been abstinent consistently for a while now, having gone through some serious life challenges and not having weathered them too well, but I continue to go to the meetings, do stepwork, and work with a sponsor. I am hopeful that, one day, I will be abstinent again, and even now, there are days when I am in fact abstinent and not desirous of overeating.

My family endures on. Dad recently had a heart attack but he is really much the same, just older. Mom is just older too. She is a much friendlier mother to me these days. I am always friendly to her. I worked through my resentments toward her, and that fostered a decent relationship between us two.

My sister is another story. She has lost about 100 pounds, by not taking her insulin. Although she has lost this weight, and her body is more well-shaped, I guess, her teeth rotted in the process and much of her hair fell out. It probably won't be the same when it comes back, if it comes back. In any case, she is starting to attract men again, yet she is just as incapable of raising a child as she ever was. God bless birth control. Her self-centeredness is a trait that competes with her height or skin color for its degree of obviousness.

My husband and I have decided that, if all is well once I get a degree, and can get a job, we will start trying for a baby at that time. This is a relief to me. Since the immigration interview, I have not been able to forget for a moment just how duplicitous people can be, as if my ex-boyfriend and sister have not taught me enough about that subject. They can be so sweet and so wonderful over such an extended period of time, but then turn out to be hiding monstrous deeds beneath their kind and adoring, but shallow, veneers. Future plans, although a tenuous and uncertain, and non-guaranteed way to depend on the future, forebode something much better than a future divorce in the wake of green card acquisition.

Friendships continue to develop for me, and that is one reason I am no longer on the computer as much as I once was. I have people to talk to, books to read, and art to create. And I love that life much more than this screen. :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Mac Attack!

I am getting a Macbook!!!! YAY!!!! I'm so excited.

No more virus software!
No more firewalls! ( I think. That's one of the benefits right? )

It should arrive tomorrow or Friday. Whoo hoo!!

I was going to get a regular PC laptop, but I felt like it's time to switch to Mac. Vista is a memory hog and it's just ridiculous. Mac OS is just 100x simpler and more reliable. Thank God.

Plus it's frickin pretty!!!!

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Update

Well it sure has been a while, hasn't it?

Let's see... I've been happily married now for six months. Yay! Got a part time job in late January. Started a new business around that time as well - www.thelittlehelper.com. I built two websites, did a postcard and a business card. Now I'm working on another website.

The Mackistani lost his job, so now we're both pretty much jobless. I'm still making money from my little business and my little part time job but we're really just coasting.

We may not have much money, but strangely, we are still happy. I think we're actually a bit happier now than when we were both employed full time.

Oh, also, my friend Dorie gave me a piano. She used to give me piano lessons before my daughter was born. It was also pre-program. Learning the piano now is a lot different than learning it when in the food fog. I could barely move my left hand. Now I'm moving right along. I'm almost done with book 1 of the adult lessons. Sweet!

I'm in college - just taking one class but I'm going to take a full load next quarter. Let's get this party started!

No more administrative assisting!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

God I Love Marriage

Oh My God, I love being married. My husband is the bomb, totally the bomb. And cute to boot. I really hit the jackpot. I can't believe I got such a good one.

We have our challenges sometimes but gosh, they are resolved with so little effort. It's amazing.

I should not sugarcoat too much though lol. As long as I enforce my boundaries, everything's great. That doesn't mean my husband is completely perfect. He will occasionally say or do something stupid, as will I. No one's perfect. What's great about it is that we just get along so well and we just keep on going. :)

We love watching Rome together. It's that HBO series about ancient Rome. Love it. I'm such a Rome junkie. We're big fans of historical movies. My friend Krisna recently taught us both how to properly headbang while at a hair band gig. That was a blast. She also introduced me to the Four Horsemen. Wow that was fun. :)

I also love not working for ABC Nuts and Bolts anymore. Oh thank you God. I even compulsively eat less. Today I registered for my class and I have a part time job. The one that I blogged about. I'll be doing surveys and can make commission. Perfect.

My little girl is doing better now that the holidays are over. She's a lot happier. So am I. I thought we were going to have serious problems there for a while. She's on this new medication (more of it really) and it's really helping her at school and at home.

Keith Urban has some new music out, my laundry is done and the kitchen is clean. Hallelujah. Everything is wonderful LOL. :)

Laters Y'all.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Yes, I'm aware it's 3am

....but Bacon Bringer's in KC and he's coming home tomorrow morning. I have nothing to do tomorrow but take Munchkin to school (to which she will mightily object, I know), await Bacon Bringer's return, shower, take a nap, put some clothes away, and go apply for this part time job that I think will work well for me and that I'll be good at. It feels right.

Bacon Bringer's been stressing that I'm not moving fast enough to find myself a part time job. Oh Bacon Bringer, you silly wage-earner...you don't know the Big O. Home of the telemarketing industry, the phone job, the joe job, really. All you have to do is go apply at one of those phone places. With a good phone voice and good communication skills, you're a shoo-in. Watch me eat those words tomorrow when I do not get hired.

So the plan is this: work full time until school starts. Save money. Then work part time while I go to school. Bacon Bringer wants me to just get my two year degree and then use that to get another job. I don't think so. I want a four year degree. He doubts my plans about a Liberal Arts degree....says I could more easily make more money with a specialized degree. But that is in conflict with other things I have read...that you do what you love and the money follows, if you want it.

I believe in the latter. I am sick and tired of trying to mold myself into liking a job that just doesn't work for me. I want to find a job that I like. That I will enjoy going to each day or that I just plain won't despise. A job I can sink my teeth into, that I can commit myself to. Once I can find that, the money will follow, I know that.

I took a high school diploma and made that into a job that brought in about the same amount as some college grads end up at. Now if I could do that back when I was really, really sick, and 369 pounds to boot, then I know I can take a liberal arts degree and make it into what I want and need: a job that will easily support me and my daughter whether I'm married or not.

I'm not one of those people who has really expensive dreams. A lot of people want a huge house and an expensive car, great clothes, jewelry, that stuff. My dreams are pretty simple: get college degree, have family, have small cottage-y house with cool little details. And yes, I do mean small. Small but quality. A nice little car that I can take road trips in. Not sure what color, but I really like Hondas. I could do with a Toyota though. :) You get the drift. I'm not a BMW lover or other expensive car lover. I want a simple life, an easy-to-maintain life. A life that leaves me free to travel with my daughter, to get her an education. A life that leaves me free to maintain good quality relationships with other people like my friends and family and my husband.

Success is something that is defined by me.
To me, a high-quality, easily-maintained life that is lived on a pretty even keel would be something I would consider very highly successful. And that life would be on my terms, not someone else's.

Too often in my life, I have defined success through other people's eyes. When I considered what to go to school for, I didn't know what I wanted. I tried to figure out what others wanted. I tried to figure out what would make the most money. Or what would garner the most approval.

No more. I am going to go with my instincts even if others don't approve. Even if my husband doesn't approve, and believe me, he sure doesn't seem to. Which I really find ironic. He will change his mind when he sees me succeed.

Movies
By the way, have you seen Blood Diamond? That film was great. Leo DiCaprio sure has grown up. It really made me question the whole diamond thing. I don't think I want one anymore. Yeah that's right; I still don't have a wedding ring yet. That has turned out to be pretty fortunate because I realized something; I don't want what I thought I wanted. I've been wearing some fakes that I thought were cute and that really helped me decide what I really like. And most people have no idea they're fake so who cares?

And I realized something else. This wedding ring thing has turned out to not be as important to me as I once thought it was. Sure I would like a big rock. But I realized that I want my wedding ring to be more meaningful than that. So I have changed my mind. My husband's birthstone is Alexandrite, which is far more rare than diamonds and far less bloody. It's a very pretty stone. We are going to go with that as the center stone. A bunch of small diamonds will surround that stone. That is the plan. Bacon Bringer's buddy is taking a trip to Pakistan and BB is going to have him look for one.

You know the jewelry industry is absolutely fascinating. I have been reading a lot about different gems and it is amazing. The value of a diamond is completely fabricated and was 'invented' by an elaborate advertising campaign that started in the 30's. Until then, diamonds were not really used in engagement and wedding rings. There is an article that is amazing, 'Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?' by Edward Jay Epstein. It can be found online with very little digging. That article was extremely informative.

Ok time for bed. I'm getting a little too loquacious now. But man writing sure is fun :)