Thursday, January 25, 2007

By Itself, This is Chilling...

I was reading through my NY Times email this morning and this was the quote of the day:

"It won't stop us."
- VICE PRESIDENT  DICK CHENEY, on CNN, discussing the Senate Foreign Relations Committee's
approval of a resolution opposing President Bush's plan to
send more troops to Iraq.

That sounds kinda chilling, don't you think? It sounds like something Darth Vader would say. "Nothing can stop me and the Emperor, cause soon we'll be able to destroy whole PLANETS! So there, cinnamon-roll biatch!!!!" Of course, I'm paraphrasing. Darth would defnitely say it in a more elegant, archaic, bone-chilling way. He also didn't appear to be fond of cussing…

In other news, my meatloaf turned out really well last night. : )

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Adoption

My munchkin at this point has no legal parents. She is adrift in the Foster Care system, technically speaking.

Yes, I know she's not really adrift. Her future is 99% assured. Our case has moved to the adoption unit.

My sister relinquished her rights to D on January 11. D's father's rights were terminated by court order the next day. He's got 30 days to appeal, but that's highly unlikely, as he has not a leg to stand on. He didn't show up for any court dates and actually skipped town soon after the whole thing began. I'm not even sure where he is, except to say that he might be in the state of California.

I know I want to adopt D, but sometimes I find myself thinking of ways that this cup may pass from me. I'm signing up for a long row to hoe. I was reminded of that last night when D started acting up. Earlier that day, she had asked me if I was her foster mom. I gleefully replied, "No, I'm just your mom. I'm going to be your mom forever." This was selfish on my part. D wasn't ready for that, I just wanted to feel the joy of saying it.

So D was tense all day yesterday, which left me tense too. And when I get tense with her, it results in a raised voice and easy frustration.

My sponsor would probably say that I'm frustrated and tense because I haven't made my eigth step list yet. All the people whom I owe amends to are bouncing around up in my head, and they need to come out on paper so they can stop bouncing around up there. I don't necessarily feel the self-loathing and shame that I once did over many of the things I did - I just want to go back to those people and do my amends. Though I'm not keen on paying my ex about $4,000.00 for letting that POS car get repo'd. :o( But I will do the right thing and offer to do so. Hmmm…too bad I don't have $4,000. I'm sure he'll take payments.

Next up - potential date this weekend. A large part of me says, 'Why are you bothering with this? You're too selfish to be in a relationship.'

Thursday, January 18, 2007

FW: Just so you know the truth, a not what the spinmeisters have spun...

I don't like these kinds of articles.
 
This piece of writing is a nice piece of propaganda for the uneducated, ignorant American. But to anyone who has a computer, you can go to Snopes.com and find out that most everything in this article is untrue.
 
I think what I disagree with most about this article is not even the factual errors. What I disagree with most is the idea of prejudging someone because of their religion. I don't like the idea that Muslims should not be allowed to hold positions of power in this country simply because they are Muslim. Not every Muslim supports the idea of destroying America.
 
This reminds me of what Catholics used to have to deal with in this country. I'm Catholic, so I'm not down with treating someone that way because of their religion.
 
Now I'm not perfect. I have to admit that the very mention of the word Muslim or Islam does generate some fear in me. It's been drilled into our subconscious that Muslims are violent, Muslims want to kill Americans and anyone else who isn't Muslim. It's the violent Muslims who get press, not the non-violent, everyday Muslim. Just like it's the pedophiliac Catholic priests who get press, not the everyday, charitable Catholic. You don't hear about how, when you go to Catholic school, your religion class tries hard to instill a social conscience in you. All you hear about is that if you're a prepubescent boy, or even postpubescent, you better not set foot in a confessional.
 
I usually just delete this stuff, but I couldn't stand it. I had to write the sender and gently tell them that I'm not down with this sh*t and please don't send articles like this. How could I just read this and let silence indicate agreement? I couldn't.



Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 7:55 PM
Subject: Just so you know the truth, a not what the spinmeisters have spun...

Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack  Hussein
> Obama Sr. (black muslim) of Nyangoma-Kogelo, Siaya District, Kenya,  and
> Ann Dunham of Wichita, Kansas. (white atheist ).
> When Obama was two  years old, his parents divorced and his father
> returned to Kenya. His mother  married Lolo Soetoro -- a Muslim -- moving
> to Jakarta with Obama when he was  six years old. Within six months he
> had learned to speak the Indonesian  language Obama spent "two years in a
> Muslim school, then two more in a  Catholic school" in Jakarta. Obama
> takes great care to conceal the fact that  he is a Muslim while admitting
> that he was once a Muslim, mitigating that  damning information by saying
> that, for two years, he also attended a  Catholic school. Obama's father,
> Barack Hussein Obama, Sr. was a radical  Muslim who migrated from Kenya
> to Jakarta, Indonesia. He met Obama's mother,  Ann Dunham-a white atheist
> from Wichita, Kansas-at the University of Hawaii  at Manoa. Obama, Sr.
> and Dunham divorced when Barack, Jr. was two. Obama's  spinmeisters are
> now attempting to make it appear that Obama's introduction  to Islam came
> from his father and that influence was temporary at best. In  reality,
> the senior Obama returned to Kenya immediately following the divorce  and
> never again had any direct influence over his son's education.  Dunham
> married another Muslim, Lolo Soetoro who educated his stepson as a  good
> Muslim by enrolling him in one of Jakarta's Wahabbi schools.  Wahabbism
> is the radical teaching that created the Muslim terrorists who are  now
> waging Jihad on the industrialized world. Since it is  politically
> expedient to be a Christian when you are seeking political office  in the
> United States, Obama joined the United Church of Christ to help  purge
> any notion that he is still a Muslim.  

Monday, January 15, 2007

Now That There's an End in Sight...

I can't wait to get away from Malignant Presence.

She annoys the heck out of me, butts her head in where it doesn't belong, and gossips about every bloody thing she can.

It really bothers me that she checks with me to see if I've done my job. Who is she to do so? She's not a supervisor, she's basically no one. Today, she checked with me to see if I've ordered food for a client visit taking place tomorrow. I hadn't yet, but had planned to do so. Those client visits get cancelled so often that it usually doesn't pay to work on them too far ahead, unless there's printing and binding involved.

But, honestly, what's really bothering me here?

Does it really bother me that she's checking on my work when it's none of her business? Or does it bother me that I did in fact wait too long to order that stuff? Does it bother me that I have presented the kind of image that says, "I need to be babysat because I am not very dedicated to this job"?

It's probably a mix of both, but the latter is the worse of the two.

You may wonder what the end in sight is…I will explain later :)

Not Such a Hot Day

Let's see…zits everywhere today. Including one little jewel RIGHT on the TIP of my nose. Is there a worse place for a zit to appear than the tip of one's nose? I don't think so.

And let's not forget the one on my chin…

….and the one on the side of my face.

They're just everywhere, and they make me feel frickin fugly.

Then there's the ever-present headache and stuffy nose.

Oh, and I had to eat crow today because I haven't been honest. So that didn't feel good, but then, in a way, it did feel pretty good. Redemption and all that. There's a lot to be said for rigorous honesty. I wish I could really figure out how to practice it! Sometimes I find myself saying whatever I think will shut someone up before I'm even thinking! It saved me from many a beating as a kid, but it's not really helping me now!

D got up at four bloody am this morning and decided that her Singulair was candy and so she was going to have some. I heard her trying to open the bottle and scrambled my butt into the bathroom, because I *knew* that noise wasn't right. There she was with Singulair pills all over the floor. Now I felt guilty about her having gotten up before me, but is that really accurate? Cause folks, we're talking about FOUR AM. What parent expects that kind of stuff to happen? I guess the answer is - lock that stuff up. But how much stuff can I frickin lock up? I can't lock up EVERYTHING! Oh and she also had out a chef's knife and had cut an onion in half that she wanted me to cook. Don't let me forget to mention that she urinated and defecated on the living room floor in rebellion after I became angry with her for trying to munch on Singulair. Or was that because she lives with me, the Devil Incarnate, instead of her Venerated Mother? Not sure which. I'm pretty sure that the chewable motrin was going to be her next option once she finished devouring the Singulair.

GAWD! SWEET BABY JESUS! I JUST WANT SOME F*CKIN SLEEP!

Did I mention that her mom relinquished rights last Thursday and they're STILL doing visits? And that my would-be daughter, when I expressed displeasure that she is sh*tting in her own nest, expressed right back to me that she doesn't really live with me?!

Right now I'd like to strangle my sister for planting that notion in her head, I'd like to strangle her caseworker for allowing these ridiculous visits to continue, especially since my sister's house has trash and crap all over the place (it's awful!) and ESPECIALLY since how the heck are we going to get permanency going if she is STILL being confused by seeing her mom left and right?

Next up - my stupid sister's request that I notify her every time D goes to the doctor? Hello! D could go to the doctor for a sniffle, people. Why should I notify her of that, since she's powerless to do anything about it? Now if D is going to the ER or is in a really dangerous situation, I would notify her of that, just as you would notify your family of that stuff normally. I tried to be really gentle while I said no to her. The woman just relinquished her rights on Thursday. I know she's still hurting.



Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Weird...

So Christmas Eve 2006 was horrid. I got stomach flu or some weird ailment. Basically, I was throwing up left and right for about 13 hours, until my mother, an angel of mercy, went and got me some medicine that my doctor had called in. I was never so eager in my life to stick something up my rear end.

Anyway, that evening, we had been invited over to one of my directors' house to spend Christmas Eve with him, his wife, and their daughter. We went over and I had no idea I was going to be throwing up like that. I spent most of the time on their couch or in their downstairs bathroom, puking my guts out. I felt like the worst guest in the world. They ended up having to drive us home because I definitely could not drive.

But what is weird about it is this. Today he came back to work and I was talking with him a little bit about it and he urged me to not tell anyone that I was at his house. I can't figure out why being friends with me or having any association with me outside of work should be so covert. There is no impropriety whatsoever and I kind of find it disheartening. I was so shocked when he said to me, "You didn't tell anyone, right? I mean, you probably said you were sick, but not…"

And I knew he was saying he didn't want anyone to know that we had been to his family's house. I was kind of shocked, so I just agreed that I hadn't told anyone. Of course, prior to this, I didn't realize he wanted that kept confidential, so I hadn't really made an effort to not say where I was when all this horror started. So I did in fact tell a couple of people, but not very many. So basically I just told a lie. Dangit. I should've just been honest, but what difference does it really make?

I mean, is it one of those situations where someone talks trash about you behind your back but is nice to you to your face? Is this office incredibly political? Is it just because I'm not an equal? Is it to avoid the appearance of impropriety? I don't know. I guess I can just believe the latter option - avoiding the appearance of impropriety. After all, I can choose to believe stuff that will hurt me or stuff that won't hurt me. Why not choose to believe something that won't hurt?

Even so, I just think it's weird.