Dear Abby: AUNT WONDERS WHAT TO DO NOW AFTER BROTHER-IN-LAW HITS NIECE

DEAR ABBY: Last night I saw my brother-in-law hit my 1-year-old niece. It was horrible. I confronted him, and he and my sister are going to get counseling. He says he "made a mistake," but that he also believes it is "OK to swat a child."

I am so upset. I used to think the world of my brother-in-law, but now he seems like an ignorant bully to me. I am hoping he will learn better parenting, and that everything will turn out all right. I'm around a lot, and the children are seldom alone with him. What can I do while I wait to see if counseling is effective? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: You can suggest that your sister and brother-in-law could also benefit from taking a parenting class and reading some books on child development. Sometimes adults hit children because they have unrealistic expectations about what they "should" be able to do at a certain age. They also do it because they lose their patience.

One-year-olds do not always have the ability to control their emotions and behavior. It is up to the parents to set an example -- to model good behavior -- and hitting sets a poor one. Parenting classes offer valuable insights and suggestions to new parents. To find one, check with a pediatrician, your local high school or community college, or your health plan.

SECRETARY'S ADVICE: Want to know what I think? I think you should call CPS if you see one more incident of abuse or the signs of neglect and abuse. After all, you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. You cannot be there all the time. If you have seen one incident while you were there, you can bet there are way more. And, if he is an abuser, you can also bet that your sister WILL cover for him, no matter what. She loves him and will rationalize anything he does until she can't stand it anymore, which might take years; not because she is evil, but because she's been sucked in too.

I think Abby should publish what the signs of child abuse are and people should be more aware of them. After watching what child abuse did to my niece and her chances for a normal life, as well as what it did to my sister and to me, it absolutely turns my stomach.  Some of the signs are hard to see, though. My next post will cover signs of child abuse, which includes neglect.