Shortly before I found out that Ex was cheating and lying to me, I wrote a piece in my blog about being peaceful and realizing that I didn't love life. I wasn't talking about my car and my job; people don't necessarily love their stuff. But there's usually a few things about their daily lives that are just extremely satisfying. I was jealous of the lady who writes Orangette. You can tell she loves facets of her life. (http://asecretaryslife.blogspot.com/2006/03/nice-peaceful-lunchin-boardroom.html#links)
I didn't love life. Sometimes I still don't. But I am finding love and joy in life. Now that I don't have a lying, cheating lout living with me. Alright, that is naughty to say that. A better way to say that is, "Now that I don't have an unhealthy relationship to deal with." Yeah. Much better.
Anyway, I wrote then that dreams are in short supply. We were surviving, not thriving.
But now, I feel differently. I feel like I am thriving. I don't have someone around being negative about every damned thing I did. For example, he'd probably have muttered "Oh Jesus" about tonight's dinner, which was Pork with Pears. This meal was one of the better ones I've cooked. And it was good for me too, so that was awesome. But he'd have put it down.
It is odd that now that the marriage and family dream's been put on hold, dreams are no longer in short supply. Now they're all around. I have a great dream of recovery; of turning into a better version of myself. I have a great dream of financial recovery too. Just knowing that I can have a peaceful life in that regard will be a dream come true, even if I can't manage to save money.
God, I hope I don't have to eat those words in a month!!! LOL
Pictures will have to wait until tomorrow; it's late and time for bed. Au revoir! : )
2 comments:
I just love your blog. I've gone through so much of what you've gone through. I try every day to remember to count my blessings. Today, you've helped me remember how far I've come in that regard. Thanks!
I'm so glad you do. Sometimes I feel a little bit,ummm, weird putting all this stuff out there, but it feels good too, and I don't necessarily know why, but that's alright.
Now you'd better stop with that stuff, cause you're going to make me cry LOL!!!!
Hugs, Secretary
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