Niece is not, at this time, legally available for adoption.
However, her caseworker is seriously considering recommending termination of parental rights, which, if granted, will make her legally available for adoption. At this time, the caseworker is trying to get her backup plan in place and that is how this question of me adopting Niece has come up.
There are a few ways that parental rights can be terminated. A parent can volunarily surrender their rights and allow their child to be adopted. A parent could die and thus, parent rights are terminated and a child becomes available for adoption.
Or, rights can be terminated through due process.
The latter method is the one we are probably dealing with here. Even today, my sister expressed that she believes that she is what's best for Niece. She plainly is not.
And that is the conclusion that the caseworker is coming to. In late May, there will be a family group conference to discuss what's going to happen with the case. It is scheduled about two weeks before the court hearing where it will be decided what direction the case will go in, whether Sister will have a chance or termination will be sought.
If termination is sought, which seems likely at this point (but you never know with the system), then a trial will be held in response to the county attorney's petition, and the judge will determine whether to terminate. If the judge decides to terminate, then Niece will be legally adoptable.
So as you can see, there is many a tip between the cup and the lip. Niece could still fall through the cracks. I'm at the point now that I'm re-invested in what happens, and I desperately hope that they do not make a mistake and send Niece home. I love my sister, but she's an adult who can fend for herself. Niece cannot fend for herself.
3 comments:
This is all so sad. On the one hand it seems that if your sister really wanted to parent her, she would be trying harder..but I also think its really sad that the focus still is not on trying to help your sister better parent her child. If you adopt this child, you will lose the rest of your family and so will the little girl. When she gets older and finds out what happened and she gets others' spin on things she might resent you for "taking her from her mother." In the meantime she would have a better life, but I just cannot help but to think that the truly loving unselfish thing to do here would be to be the best custodial aunt that you could possibly be, allow limited initially supervised visitation with her mother and grandparents, and aim toward some day reuniting mother and daughter. Sorry, I know you don't want to hear this and I'm sure you have valid reasons to feel the way you feel..and, no, this doesn't particularly protect you from being hurt later..but I did say the most loving thing, not the easiest thing. If your sister got herself together and got her child back and they lived very close by and you had a loving relationship with the little girl, wouldn't that be awesome for the child? People who are adopted search for the natural parents they have never met. Don't you think this little girl will be naturally drawn to her mother and that she might fantasize who her mother is in her mind if she isn't able to see her? If you truly love your sister and you truly love this child, it might be something to think about. Yes, you might feel used and no its not fair..but life isn't fair and its certainly not fair right now for this little girl. Thank Gawd I'm anonymous because I think you might want to hit me right about now. : )
Maybe that's all wrong too. Maybe she'd be doing better if she really wanted her. Maybe she's not capable. I kind of wasn't thinking about the taping her down, etc., I guess. And its not like you really asked to hear from the peanut gallery or anything. I'm sure your heart is in the right place. Sorry, this just makes me so sad.
Hey anonymous, don't feel bad. It is sad and it's something that I have given up trying to figure out. That's why I let the professionals handle it. And the professionals say that what's best for the child is to not be with her mom. Your opinion is welcomed; only obnoxious people get the verbal smackdown.
The focus has been on helping Mom better parent her child for almost 2 years now, and what's happening at this juncture is that Niece is ready to come home, but her mother is not ready for her to come home. And that is from the mouth of Niece's therapist.
The focus is, at this time, where it should be, and it's finally on what's really best for this child.
Children need security to grow up with, and security cannot be found by not giving this child permanency. Permanency and real security can't really be had by continuing visits with her mom until after she's adjusted and secure in a new life; secure that she's not going to be yanked around.
In order to be able to have the loving relationship you speak of with my sister and niece in this nice little triangle, you have to have someone who understands boundaries and why things are the way they are. Without that understanding, this sort of agreement can't work. And my sister does not and would not understand.
People always seem to think that children should stay with their parents, virtually no matter what. Parents should be given every chance under the sun to grow and parent their child. But people forget that these children are growing and learning everyday, and they are learning what to expect from life by the way that their parents live and raise them.
If she grows to resent me later, that's ok. Most children grow up with a host of resentments for their parents anyway. I will be consulting with Niece's therapist to determine what kind of visitation, if any, should be given to her mom.
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