Val Kilmer is Wrong

After finishing up his steamy makeout session with Ms. Hilton, Kilmer did what many men do best: insult the woman he just made out with. Very classy. Yeah. He's a real gentleman, that one. A real bloated gentleman.

So he's picked up on the latest trend in the world of celebs and has jumped on the "Paris is famous for NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!!!! She's a boyfriend-stealing, tacky she-demon!!!" wagon.

Well Mr. Kilmer, I know you think you're so very smart because you got some publicity by shooting at such a large, easy target, but you have been too long removed from normal people and you don't know what we're like anymore.

Us workaday Joes and Josephines who aren't very excited about going to our little jobs every day need a little distraction, dearheart. And Paris Hilton is a good distraction. She's flashy, tacky, likes to act as though she's stupid, has no education despite endless resources and abundant amounts of spare time, and bares acres of flesh almost every time she goes out. Oh, almost forgot -- has s*x tapes floating about on the internet. Possibly more than one. Which leads me to another thing that I find amazing: why famous people allow others to make tapes of them while going through the mating ritual and then act all horrified when those tapes get 'stolen' and 'exploited'. Well, that's another post entirely. Moving on…

Paris Hilton may signify everything that's wrong with celebrity, but who really cares? Other than pundits and secretaries with too much time on their hands at work who busy themselves by writing about superfluous topics on their confessional blogs that only about 2 or 3 people read? Hmm…run on sentence, that.

So, here we are at the point of this post. Paris Hilton is famous because she's at least two things that many people would like to be, if they are not already: rich and beautiful.

At the same time, though, she is many things that none of us would like to be: plainly a therapist's goldmine, a parent's nightmare, and the daughter of parents who are obviously a nightmare.

How many times have people thought to themselves, "There is no way in hell I would let my daughter act like that!"? How many times have people said, "God, it sure wouldn't make me want to vomit so much if she had just a little education and was just a tad bit less shallow."?

And how many of us gasped in horror to see Kathy Hilton at some nightclub with her boobs showing through her damn shirt with her daughter right there beside her, watching her mother dress and act like a tart who's forgotten her age? How many times have we heard Kathy Hilton say something so absolutely stupid that you could hardly believe it, and then immediately thought, "No wonder Paris is like that."?

So we like looking at Paris because she is such a dichotomy. She represents both what we want and what we don't want, all conveniently packaged in one person, one target for us to ridicule, wish to be like, but at the same time thank God that we are not like. She allows us to be wishful and at the same time, embrace our simple lives because we're thankful that they make us normal, and give us some kind of purpose, even if that purpose is just going to work everyday in order to survive in this world.

So Val Kilmer, why don't you stop acting like an ungentlemanly piece of sh*t and stop dissing someone whom you found perfectly acceptable to make out with but now are trashing so you can say something flashy? You're more the epitome of what's wrong with men in general than Paris is the epitome of what's wrong with celebrity, you man-wh*re.