Well it's 12:15 in the morning and I have to wake up in about 2 hours and check on Toddler. She is sick, the little cherub, and needs medicine.
I'm kind of excited about it. I really enjoyed changing her diaper when we got home and tickling her a little bit and the whole shebang. I will very much enjoy taking care of her as a mother would in the middle of the night. I know I'll feel it tomorrow but I don't care.
During the early evening, I was a little sad because she, as usual, didn't want me. It's ridiculous to take this personally. But I am adept at taking everything personally, a personality trait that I am trying to change. Of course, I knew that it was more about me than anything else; my desire to be a mother, my desire to not be the odd one out, whether in reality or just in my head.
Boyfriend's mom encouraged the baby to come to me and stuff; Boyfriend did too. He did not go to sleep until late in the evening. It is as if he read my entry about what's eating me and took it to heart. That may be unlikely, but the fact remains that this evening, something I had been dreading, went very well. I feel much better than I did last week. However, I did squander a little bit of opportunity to take care of the baby during our visit to Boyfriend's parents...I was crocheting and probably shouldn't have been, but I thought the baby was occupied or settled down. Next time I will not squander my opportunity...I will bring a toy that she and I can play with together. : )
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