The Contract Nazi & TPS Reports

You know that scene in Office Space where the guy's 3 supervisors all come to him and rag on him about how to do his TPS reports?

I think that TPS is probably short for Total Piece of Sh*t.

Anyway, I have my own form of TPS reports and my own albatross staff member to deal with.

And that's the Contract Nazi. She is a glorified f*cking bill collector who has delusions of grandeur. Another nick name she's been given by Sales is, "The DealKiller." Any time you make a mistake, no matter how big or small, she is on it like a shark smelling blood in the water.

I mistakenly sent a check to the wrong department. This created a bunch more work and confusion for her, I must gleefully report. So she fires off this memo to me and Twiggy and our supervisor about how all checks should go to her, blah blah blah.

Since I know that my supervisor's going to come around and do a TPS report on me even though I did learn to read in elementary school, I decide to proactively call her and assure her that I can read.

"Hey Supervisor, it's me. Did you see the Contract Nazi's memo?"

"Yes. I'm glad she said something; I would not have known to do that."

"Really?" oh my God, no wonder the Nazi is so Type A.

"Really."

"Oh, well I think the reason she sent the memo is because I may have mistakenly sent a check along with a contract over to DEF Nuts and Bolts. And the witch is pissed."

"Oh, ok."

If I hadn't called my supervisor and talked about it, this is what would have happened.

Supervisor moseys into my cube.

"Hi, just stopping by to see if you saw that memo from the Nazi."

"Yes, I read it."

"We just need to make sure that we're sending all checks to der Fuhrer."

"Ok."

Duh f*ckin duh. That's what the f*ckin email said. In plain English, which is a language I speak fluently, having grown up in America and having attended Catholic schools. I love my supervisor, but that's one of her more annoying habits.