Letter to the Judge Regarding Niece

A work of art. Wouldn't you agree? :)

Your Honor,

My name is Secretary and I am Niece's maternal aunt.

I, as well as others involved with Niece and my sister's case, have been asked to provide our input into this case in the form of a letter to you.

I’m pretty sure you’re not even going to read this, so I think I’ll write about purple giraffes instead of this case. Your Honor, this case and purple giraffes actually have quite a lot in common. The giraffe’s neck is ridiculously long, and so is the timeline on this case. One difference is that the case is an intangible thing, so we can’t determine what color it is, nor can we see how many legs the case has or if it has spots. However, I like the color purple and have two legs and no spots, so why don’t we just assume that the case is colored purple, with two legs, and broad expanses of uninterrupted purpleness, as purple is a pleasing color?

Yet, that doesn’t seem appropo. After all, purple is a pleasant color, and this case has been anything but pleasant. Why don’t we use the color baby-poop green? Not only is that color not pleasant and therefore appropo for this case, but baby-poop green is also similar to the color of my sister’s favorite illegal herb.

Frankly, she used to like that stuff so much that I’m surprised my niece was named Niece and not Mary Jane. Mary Jane would in fact be far easier to spell, wouldn’t it? It’s ok to say yes; we all know that I’m right.

And if you don’t believe that I’m right, just try spelling the name _______ out for people over the phone. I can’t tell you how many times it takes for those unfortunate people to get it right. At times like that, I’m not sure which of us is more unfortunate; the unlucky one at the other end of the phone line, or me, the hapless aunt who is destined to have to repeat this farce for the next 13 years.

Your Honor, I think it may also be prudent to talk to you today about what I am sure is a problem for you, and that’s your apparent frequent use of Quaaludes. When one is sitting in your courtroom and you barely say anything, sometimes I think the lawyers are running the case and you’re not doing anything but various unmentionable hand exercises under your voluminous black robes. Hence those moments when you actually say anything – and what you actually say rarely goes beyond gasps of ‘yes!’ or ‘no!’.

Anyway, this case has been lagging about for close to two years now. I think that what is astounding is that my niece has been out of her mother’s care for almost two years while her mother has little else to do besides focus on caring for herself well enough so that she can parent my niece, yet there is doubt as to whether my sister is a fit parent or not.

I’m not a professional. I’m just an aunt and my sister's sister, and I offer my opinions and observations in that vein. However, having those roles allows me to offer a unique viewpoint in this case from the standpoint that I am the person in this case, aside from the parent and her child, who has been involved the longest. I’ve observed my sister’s progress and Niece's growth up close and personal.

Blah blah blah….

The most interesting part was the part about the giraffes. :o)