What's next after 10+ years of administrative assisting? Graphic Design school. Now I'm the boss.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
from Amazon.com:
After only three days of courtship, the notoriously difficult Louisville belle marries the autocratic older general (General Henry Atkinson) and for the next 16 years they make their home at the unpromising outpost of Jefferson Barracks, Mo., where he is stationed to enforce federal Indian regulations.
These two subjects are indeed related. General Henry Atkinson built Fort Atkinson, a military installation that huge for its day. It was squarish at something like 400 feet and some change on each side, with the powder magazine in the middle of the fort. Ft. Atkinson was an installation built primarily to promote peace and trade with the natives of the region. It was so cool to stand on the actual ground that so many historical figures stood on. Mary Bulitt herself did not live there at any time, but it was just altogether cool to imagine that her husband was once there. Is this making any damn sense?
I'm a little geeky, I guess. I like history. :)
Now I have the same haircut as many soccer moms, I believe. The thing about soccer moms is that many of them seem to be fairly healthy, if not the picture of health, while I am far from.
Now check out the pile of hair on the floor. Yeah, that came from me. No, I don't have black hair. It's dark brown.
Ok, that may be semantics at work.
At first, after trying to take many self portraits with the new 'do, I concluded that the new 'do makes my face look fatter.
But after thinking about that a bit, I realize that neither haircut detracts from or enhances how fat my face looks. My face just looks fat because, right now, it is.
Now, dear reader, you are probably going to gasp at this little revelation. My face looks friendlier while fat. Hey, my sponsor said that every time I say something negative about myself, I have to say something positive. And it's got to be honest. And the honest truth is that my face may look less beautiful with some extra meat on it, well, not meat, but fat...anyway...it looks friendlier. :)
Personally, I'd rather look lean and mean, literally, but I'll settle for this...for now.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
The Crazy Sandbox
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Vacation...
Sunday, June 25, 2006
The Porno Director
So the Petition's Been Filed...
Friday, June 23, 2006
Keith Urban is my New Favorite Country Star
Of Booze-Addled, Company-Paid-For Limo Rides
So we had the College World Series in town, right? I hate the College World Series. Yes, it's a great tourist event, yippy skippy.
But it litters South Omaha all up. I also hate the sun, and Rosenblatt is soaked in sun when the Series is here. I'm surprised more people don't come away from that event with sunburns. I mean, what I'm saying is that I'm surprised that the entire sales and marketing staff doesn't come back to work imbued with a neon pink skin tone at the end of the dang thing. We always make a big 'do out of the event. We have a tent and valet parking for our guests, and we just pull out all the stops.
Well, a certain client was coming in for a visit last week, and they *really* wanted to impress this client. So I had to get a limo for them. No problem, no big deal. The 8 passenger limo wasn't good enough though. They needed a 12 passenger limo. So I call up the limo service, the same one with that garish stretch Hummer, and order up a 12 passenger limo. Great. That was last week.
So the VP that wanted the limo and whatnot comes up here and I, wanting to know how my reservation went and whatnot, making sure the limo company did as I told them to, asked how it went.
"Oh, you know how it went!" He sounds derisive.
"No, I don't, I swear!"
"Oh. Well, we ended up stuck at Taco Bell at 1am."
Typical sales and marketing story. Always soaked in liquor. Especially for this particular product line. The people who use this particular line are rather rough and tumble (read: entrepreneurial). That is, they know how to have a good time. The liquor flows at every convention these people go to. So of course, I know this is going to be a good story. After laughing a little bit, I ask for more detail.
"Well, the limo couldn't make the turn in the drive through and ended up beached on the curb. So we got every drunk in Omaha lined up behind us, yelling at us to get the f*ck out of the way."
"Oh Lord."
"Yeah. Some drunk finally gets out of his car and goes, 'Dude, get the spare tire and put it under the tire, and then you'll roll right over it and everything'll be golden.' But then SVP soandso gets out and grabs a landscaping block, and that works, then we drove right over the landscaping. So then SVP and me are sitting there at 1:30 in the morning, stomping and kicking the grass back into place." Lol I love their stories. You should hear them go on and on at Christmas parties about their clients and things that happen at conventions and whatnot. "But you know, that's the kind of stuff that really bonds with clients and gets you business. It really does."
Vacation Starts Monday
But I stayed up too late last night, am exhausted, and wish that it started today.
I didn't go to meeting last night. I just decided to stay home and enjoy some solitude.
I am going to check out an apartment on Saturday. Just when I had decided I was not going to move, an apartment came up that's exactly what I want. The only thing that I'm not sure about is the location. It's much farther south than where I currently live.
The place that I really want to live at won't accept people with bankruptcies within the last 2 years. I'm beginning to think that I should just wait until next April and move to the place that I really want to live at, which has a Wal-Mart right next to it and is much closer to my workplace. Also the elementary school is right across the street. And there's a Wal-Mart within walking distance. Laundry in the apartment, all those amenities. It's just a much better place than the one that's so far south that I'd end up with twang in my voice after a year.
Now I feel bad. This woman probably thinks she's got someone all lined up to take over her lease on her apartment. Shucks.
My writing would be a lot better if I had more sleep today lol. I'm so tired.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Europeans support Bush on nuclear stance
I thought this was a nice article that wasn't doom and gloom for America for a change.
Europeans support Bush on nuclear stance
By JENNIFER LOVEN, Associated Press Writer 23 minutes ago
VIENNA, Austria - President Bush won solid European support Wednesday for his handling of escalating nuclear crises with North Korea and Iran but was challenged over the Iraq war, the U.S. prison camp in Cuba and rising anti-American sentiment.
"That's absurd," Bush snapped at a news conference in response to an assertion that the United States was regarded as the biggest threat to global security. "We'll defend ourselves but at the same time we're actively working with our partners to spread peace and democracy.
Unbidden, Austrian Chancellor Wolfgang Schuessel rose with an impassioned defense that seemed even to surprise the president.
"I think it's grotesque to say that America is a threat to the peace in the world compared with North Korea, Iran, a lot of countries," Schuessel said. Europe would not enjoy peace and prosperity if not for U.S. help after World War II, he said.
"We should be fair from the other side of the Atlantic," Schuessel said. "We should understand what September 11th meant to the American people."
But the chancellor also prodded Bush.
"We can only have a victory in the fight against terror if we don't undermine our common values," Schuessel said. "It can never be a victory, a credible victory over terrorists if we give up our values: democracy, rule of law, individual rights."
Bush came here for the annual summit of the United States and the 25-nation European Union at a time when favorable opinions of the U.S. have fallen across Europe.
About 1,200 students chanting "Bush Go Home!" marched through Vienna to a church square not far from Hofburg Palace where the leaders met. They were led by Cindy Sheehan, who lost her son in Iraq and energized the anti-war movement a year ago with a monthlong protest outside Bush's Texas ranch.
Bush readily acknowledged summit disputes.
"We disagreed in an agreeable way on certain issues," the president said. Bush also chatted with foreign students at a round-table, toured the national library and listened to the Vienna Boys Choir before arriving in Budapest, Hungary to spend the night.
The president won backing for the demand that North Korea abandon plans to test-fire a long-range missile. "It should make people nervous when non-transparent regimes that have announced that they've got nuclear warheads fire missiles," he said.
Bush said he was glad China had joined in urging North Korea not to test, and said he had talked with the leaders of Russia and Japan to enlist their help, as well.
"If this (test) happens, there will be a strong statement and a strong answer from the international community," said Schuessel, who holds the EU's rotating presidency. "And Europe will be part of it. There's no doubt."
There was solidarity, too, in pressing Iran to accept a two-week-old offer of incentives in return for a moratorium on uranium enrichment, a process that can produce material for nuclear generators or for weapons. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Wednesday that Tehran will respond in mid-August.
"It seems like an awful long time for a reasonable answer ... It shouldn't take the Iranians that long to analyze what is a reasonable deal," the president said.
Schuessel agreed. "The time is limited," he said. "And I think we should not play with time. ... It's not only time, it's the right moment." Schuessel and Bush were joined at the news conference by
European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso.
Anticipating a subject of high concern in Europe, Bush raised the detention of about 460 terror suspects at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The recent suicides of three inmates have intensified international condemnation of the facility and demands for it to be closed.
"I understand their concerns," Bush said. "I'd like to end Guantanamo. I'd like it to be over with.
Bush said 200 detainees had been sent home, and that most of the remaining prisoners are from Saudi Arabia, Yemen and
Afghanistan.
"There are some who need to be tried in U.S. courts," Bush said. "They're cold-blooded killers. They will murder somebody if they're let out on the street." He said he was waiting for the Supreme Court to decide how they should be tried.
Schuessel welcomed Bush's statement. "We got clear, clear signals and a commitment from the American side — no torture, no extraordinary or extraterritorial positions to deal with the terrorists," he said. "All the legal rights must be preserved."
Again, Bush asked Europeans to look beyond their anger over the U.S. invasion of Iraq three years ago and support the country's reconstruction.
"People have strong opinions on the subject. But what's past is past, and what's ahead is a hopeful democracy in the Middle East," the president said.
Barroso said the leaders agreed on new steps to promote energy security and address climate change. There appeared little if any movement on long-stalled trade disputes. "It's hard work," Bush said. "I'm really convinced it is possible to have a successful outcome," Barroso said.
The United States is among 149 nations trying to finish an international round of trade talks known as the Doha Round, named after the city in Qatar where they began.
Negotiators have missed several deadlines and there are disagreements over cutting farm subsidies in Europe, the United States and other rich nations.
Of Cr*ppy MP3s, A Lot Like Love, and Feminine Wiles
Just a wee little posting before I jump into the pre-vacation marathon work session.
Crappy MP3s
So I joined the little music clubby thingy right? Yeah. Ok, so I got about 7 CDs from them, that was loverly. It's so nice to have new music again. Yay! I'm a veteran of the Napster era, where there was a download free-for-all, and am now getting used to the idea of buying CDs again. The Napster era, I believe, had some good side effects. There's the mainstream acceptance of the MP3 (and many other compressed) music format. Then there was the invention of those little MP3 players. Napster made the music industry change faster than it would have liked to. I think the industry found that it had to become more responsive to what consumers wanted.
The other little side effect is that more CDs now boast more than one or two good songs. Even Carrie Underwood's. Her whole CD is something you could listen to and not be like, this CD f'in sucks and I wish I hadn't bought the whole d*mn thing. I think the music industry is working harder to get consumers to buy the whole enchilada. Especially now that you really can get just the songs you like. You needn't waste your money on buying a CD full of cr*p. And you don't have to go and buy a bunch of CDs with just one or two songs on them.
Anyway, back to the cr*ppy MP3s. So I encoded the new music and put it on a CD to listen to at work. Much easier than carrying around 7 CDs. Unfortunately, I didn't set my settings right and ended up with low-quality MP3s. So I can't really hear all the details of the music. Of course, that could also be because I can't really turn up my work puter's speakers too loud. But I think it's mostly the quality of the file. With a good MP3, you can hear everything pretty well whether you have your speakers turned up or not. So I flubbed that up. I should have tweaked the Bladeenc settings. Bummer.
A Lot Like Love
I finished watching this movie last night. It was awesome. Funny right up to the last minute. I definitely recommend it.
Feminine Wiles
I thought that with my weight gain, I probably didn't have any of these left. But I must have some left after all. Either that or I'm just very full of myself.
I went to my weekly meeting last night and there was this guy there. He is a regular at the meeting. I don't usually sit by guys. It's not because I don't like guys. It's because I like them too much. My secret fear is that a guy is going to give me a hug, I'm going to forget whom I'm hugging, and do something incredibly stupid. Like, for example, putting my fingers in the hair at the back of their neck or something. Completely inappropriate. I wouldn't intentionally do it, either. I would just forget where I am and who it is that I'm hugging. I had a slip like that one time and I don't wanna repeat it. It felt muy icky.
Anyway, I sat next to a guy last night. I do not normally sit next to guys. Nor do I usually hug them after the meeting. And we accidentally touched a few times. Nothing freaky. Just what happens when you sit next to someone. The thing is that I didn't mind. Ugh. And then after the meeting, I was the first person that he wanted to hug. And then he was all, "It was nice sitting next to you." I just sorta mumbled something on auto pilot and walked off.
Guys have nothing to fear from me right now; especially guys at meetings. A) I'm not dating and B) that is not an appropriate place to look for someone to date anyway. Know what I mean?
And you know, that interaction probably does not mean anything like what *I* think it means. It's just that I am on edge about this stuff right now. I hate these feelings.
I know that I'm uncomfortable with just being a single woman. I've always thought that having a boyfriend gave you worth. Of course, it does not do anything of the sort. It has nothing to do with a person's worth. But, as soon as I became aware that having a boyfriend was desirable, I always thought that that was one thing I wouldn't have, because I was chubby. I bought the lie that men only desire skinny women hook, line, and sinker. So, naturally, I thought it was something that I had to get on top of right now, and work pretty hard at acquiring and then maintaining. That's why a year off from dating is good for me. It might take more than a year, frankly.
The Creepiest Dad in Hollywood
14 does it again. You have to check this out. I can't believe he talked about his daughter's boobs like that. Freak.
http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/14/2006/06/gossip_trading_.html
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Gwen Stefani's "Love.Angel.Music.Baby"
If there were any CD with music that is clearly not formulaic, it's definitely this one. I love almost every tune on it, except for the ones that seem a little weird. But don't ask me which ones they are, cause I can't remember off the top of my head. Especially since I just keep forwarding right over them.
Of course everyone knows "Hollaback Girl". And that other one about the car crashing and stuff. And then there's, "What You Waiting For?" I'm not crazy about her calling herself and 'stupid 'ho' so much though. But I like the beat and the message. Maybe Niece won't notice the stupid 'ho' line when I play this CD tonight in the car. I still remember the time she conspiratorially asked the ex-BF whether they could listen to the 'bad' song. He asked her which one, and she goes, "My sh*t, my sh*t." In her little 4 year old voice. Cute, but not cute at the same time.
I really admire how creative Gwen Stefani clearly is. She really has her own style and it's not anything a stylist or a studio gave her. She came up with it herself.
I'm not really into the Harijuku girls, but that's ok. I like the music. :o) This CD makes me want to get up and dance.
Some Hearts by Carrie Underwood
Well, I joined some stupid music club because my MP3 collection was getting a little stale. I won't say how many MP3s I have. I don't want to get sued, after all.
Anyway, as part of joining this club, I got 7 CDs for the price of one and man that sure was exciting.
One of the CDs that I got was Carrie Underwood's "Some Hearts".
I only really liked one track and that was "Before He Cheats". It was awesome. It just made my little blackened heart want to get up and dance.
The rest of it seemed pretty formula. I noticed the formula seemed to be her voice starting off solo, and then harmonies adding in to add volume and whatnot. Each song started out simply, and then got more complicated. But not in a way that you thought was artsy. And I do realize that most songs are that way for a reason. Yet, when you listen to Alanis Morrisette's "Jagged Little Pill", you don't notice that. You listen and you don't notice some weird pattern like that. Because you're engrossed. Alanis' music doesn't sound formulaic, unlike Miss Underwood's.
Which is odd, because, in looking at the song writers listed on so many of the tunes, it seems that the song-writing powerhouse that is Diane Warren wrote a bunch of them.
It's not that the CD sucks. It doesn't. If you love Carrie Underwood, you'll probably love that CD. But if you're just a potential fan, you might not.
Some of the vocal acrobatics that she performed made my vocal cords hurt in sympathy. I'm talking about leaping from the bottom of the staff up to the top in a single bound. Her voice sounded a little strained sometimes. But it still sounded delightfully different.
And I thought it was cool that the CD wasn't angelically wholesome, even if Underwood's image is just that. "Before He Cheats" is a good example of that.
Am I the only person who wonders if Underwood has the cojones to step up and stand up for herself in the music business? She just seems so….nice.
I guess it was an ok buy for me but I wish I'd ordered something else. Like the Keith Urban CD that actually has the song I wanted on it -- "You'll Think of Me".
Monday, June 19, 2006
A Lot Like Love...
Mmmmm Breakfast
Man I love breakfast at the café downstairs. I particularly like their eggs, which are actually a sort of egg-product. This egg product, even after cooking, will still take the shape of whatever container you put it in. Hence why the bite of egg that I just ate had the same gentle curve to it as the styofoam container that I forked it out of. Ah, commercial culinary arts. Loverly.
So this weekend I had that odd ghostly experience, right? Sponsor suggested I acquire a nightlight. So I did. I finally plugged it in yesterday and what do you suppose it looks like?
An eerie blue glow.
Just what I need.
Strangely enough, though, it did indeed comfort my anxieties. So did the two Benadryl tablets that I took so I could get some damned sleep and stay asleep. They didn't stop me from waking up at 4am and then continuing to wake up intermittently for the next 3 hours.
Can I share with you how groovy it was this morning to have folded, clean underwear to wriggle my big a*s into? I would say little a*s, but it's not little by any earthly means of measurement, so why not just tell the truth? :) Some people may consider this a*s comment to be derisive; I say it's just a fact. Now, saying that my a*s resembles a twin-hemisphered sack of doorknobs; that would be derisive. But I'm not saying that, am I?
I have been super, super, ummmm, well, randy lately. I was out to dinner with some girlfriends on Saturday night and was reflecting on this fact. And one of them, considered an OA sage because she's been in program for so long, told me that it's not uncommon for chicks to become randier when they get abstinent. Because now you've stopped suppressing your s*x drive with food. Plus no more sugar comas, right? Well, not unless you go to TCBY and get yourself a ton of that sh*t. Hence why frozen yogurt has been added to my abstinence.
We saw "The Lake House" on Saturday night and man, Keanu Reeves looked tasty. The guy that played his brother - not so much. The guy that played her would-be boyfriend - not so much. But Keanu? Oh the hotness. Plus then we were walking past movie posters with all kinds of hot guys on them, and then there were the previews with Mark Wahlberg's new football movie and the Roc's new football movie and both of those ads dripped hotness. I love Mark Wahlberg. I hate football but I will go see both of those movies because those two guys are hot. The Roc's voice is hot even without his face and body combination.
You know who else has a hot voice? Mr. Wrong. Oh my God, he has this boyish little voice, combined with a slightly southern accent, and what do you get? A white-hot voice. Too bad it's attached to a bleedin' sociopath. Where's the justice, peeps?
Another guys I know with a hot voice is ex boyfriend. Man, I think I fell in love with him over the phone before I ever met that hairy beast. Plus he was well-spoken and knowledgeable. But, once again, all those good qualities happened to be attached to a sociopath, which took away from the allure of those particular qualities.
Well peeps, that's it for now. I guess I will now have to perform actual work. Ah, c'est la vie.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
I'm Becoming Certifiable
Friday, June 16, 2006
Frickin Control Freaks
Type A personalities drive me nuts, especially when I'm not in a good mood.
Can I get a witness?
"Hi Supervisor, I need VP BB's home address."
She says cheerfully, helpfully, "Sure, hold on and I'll get it for you."
"Oh, hey, do you have his home phone number, too?"
"Sure…what is the purpose?" I knew this was coming and had my response all prepared. WTF does she *think* I want it for? Like this VP, who's a low-level one at that, is to be cossetted and protected? Dude, he's not God. Sh*t, his little office is almost smaller than my f*ckin cube.
"I'm sending him an envelope laced with anthrax."
"It's 999-9999."
"Thanks."
What would happen if we crossed humans with chimpanzees?
- TIMESSELECT -
Mad Science: Crossing Human With Chimp
Olivia Judson, an evolutionary biologist, asks what would happen if we crossed humans with chimpanzees?
http://judson.blogs.nytimes.com?th&emc=th
This is an article in the New York Times.
I don't need this article to tell me the answer, though.
If you cross humans with chimpanzees, you'll end up with the guy that Darling Niki works with that she and I discussed yesterday at length. :o)
My Wrong Number Script
Me, cheerfully: "ABC Nuts and Bolts Sales and Marketing, how can I help you?"
Caller, disoriented: "Hello?"
Me, still cheerfully: "Hi, you've reached ABC Nuts and Bolts…"
Caller, wonderingly: "Oh, I was trying to call Bank of America."
Me, cheerfully: "Well, you fat fingered it. Have a nice day."
Click.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
FW: I want sugar really bad
______________________________________________
From: Darling Niki
Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 3:17 PM
To: Secretary
Subject: RE: I want sugar really bad
Ho’s in many forms can be very alluring. J
______________________________________________
From: Secretary
Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 3:15 PM
To: Darling Niki
Subject: RE: I want sugar really bad
Ummmm….i sort of ate some ho hos.
Oh my God, has it occurred to you that we are talking about staying strong against the lure of HO HOS?????
Oh Lord.
_____________________________________________
From: Darling Niki
Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 3:13 PM
To: Secretary
Subject: RE: I want sugar really bad
uh oh…stay strong, ____. Abstinence feels better than sugar tastes, or something.
_____________________________________________
From: Secretary
Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 2:54 PM
To: Darling Niki
Subject: I want sugar really bad
My energy wore off. And now I'm craving sugar. Ugh.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
RFP Irritations
My favorite director, SeaBee, had a couple RFPs to go out today. I haven't yet received the last one, and I'm not staying 1 minute past 5:30, so she can go climb a tree on that one.
However, I did get the other one done. It went back and forth a few times, as these things usually do. I came back to my desk after having printed and bound 4 copies, and after having had Seabee sign all 4 copies. And what did I find in my inbox but an email from the Sales Engineer with a multitude of proposed changes? Most of them were persnickety. There was only 1 that was significant.
He stopped by my desk on his way out just now and asked me if his changes were adopted. I told him that they were not, because the response had already been printed and bound.
I'm not going to reprint and rebind the thing because a few periods are out of place. These things should have been caught before the document reached my desk. Normally, I wouldn't say that, because I typically review and edit documents for my directors. However, if a document passes through the Sales Engineer's hands, I shouldn't really have to worry about proofing it. That's why he's paid about twice as much as I am.
So the Sales Engineer stopped by my desk and asked me if the changes had been made. I told him they had not. The document was already printed and bound. Then he told me that, FYI, all RFPs have to pass by his desk before going out. The VP of Marketing is getting ticked because RFPs are going out with some errors in them and whatnot. This is really Marketing's fault. The reason why is that the old Sales Engineer used to take a huge amount of ownership on each RFP. He made sure each of them were perfect before they went out. Then he got fired and the Marketing Veep hired this guy. This guy would be happy to do the same, but the Marketing Veep poopoo'd that idea, saying that the DOSs should be responsible for it, which I knew would be a disaster. Today's little escapade, which I suspect I'm going to hear about tomorrow, is just one example of this.
So now the issue has come full circle. I guess I'm a little irritated because this memo stating that all RFPs should cross the Sales Engineer's desk came out and I didn't hear a dang thing about it, even though I am the person who typically produces the stupid RFPs. I would think that I should know about this sort of thing so I can make sure I'm waiting for the proper approvals before I send out an RFP that I'm later going to get reamed for.
And I'm not going to wait all day before I send out an RFP, either. Because then I'd get the verbal smackdown for procrastinating! Jesu Christi!
Movie Review: Beauty Shop
Loved it.
First off, the guy who plays Queen Latifah's love interest is hotter than hot. He was also in Gladiator, but he was clothed in little more than a loin cloth and had some other freaky thing going on with his hair. He's much hotter in this movie, and as he spoke and moved around and whatnot, I kept thinking, "You are hotter than Brad Pitt."
And the guy who does the braids in the movie? Oh. My. God. He was hot too. Daym.
Kevin Bacon's character was extremely well-played. Kevin Bacon is, of course, a good actor, and he did an outstanding job with this character.
Great movie. Makes you feel warm n fuzzy. Rent it.
You've Eaten at Taco Bell Too Much When...
…you're doing an expense report for someone and you go,
"Oh looky. $6.72 for breakfast-self. They must have gone to Taco Smell, because that's exactly how much it costs for the number WTF-ever."
Oh dear.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
The Devil's Hour
Nick Lachey's New Single, "What's Left of Me"
Monday, June 12, 2006
This One's Dedicated to Darling Niki...
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Letter to the Judge Regarding Niece
A work of art. Wouldn't you agree? :)
Your Honor,
My name is Secretary and I am Niece's maternal aunt.
I, as well as others involved with Niece and my sister's case, have been asked to provide our input into this case in the form of a letter to you.
I’m pretty sure you’re not even going to read this, so I think I’ll write about purple giraffes instead of this case. Your Honor, this case and purple giraffes actually have quite a lot in common. The giraffe’s neck is ridiculously long, and so is the timeline on this case. One difference is that the case is an intangible thing, so we can’t determine what color it is, nor can we see how many legs the case has or if it has spots. However, I like the color purple and have two legs and no spots, so why don’t we just assume that the case is colored purple, with two legs, and broad expanses of uninterrupted purpleness, as purple is a pleasing color?
Yet, that doesn’t seem appropo. After all, purple is a pleasant color, and this case has been anything but pleasant. Why don’t we use the color baby-poop green? Not only is that color not pleasant and therefore appropo for this case, but baby-poop green is also similar to the color of my sister’s favorite illegal herb.
Frankly, she used to like that stuff so much that I’m surprised my niece was named Niece and not Mary Jane. Mary Jane would in fact be far easier to spell, wouldn’t it? It’s ok to say yes; we all know that I’m right.
And if you don’t believe that I’m right, just try spelling the name _______ out for people over the phone. I can’t tell you how many times it takes for those unfortunate people to get it right. At times like that, I’m not sure which of us is more unfortunate; the unlucky one at the other end of the phone line, or me, the hapless aunt who is destined to have to repeat this farce for the next 13 years.
Your Honor, I think it may also be prudent to talk to you today about what I am sure is a problem for you, and that’s your apparent frequent use of Quaaludes. When one is sitting in your courtroom and you barely say anything, sometimes I think the lawyers are running the case and you’re not doing anything but various unmentionable hand exercises under your voluminous black robes. Hence those moments when you actually say anything – and what you actually say rarely goes beyond gasps of ‘yes!’ or ‘no!’.
Anyway, this case has been lagging about for close to two years now. I think that what is astounding is that my niece has been out of her mother’s care for almost two years while her mother has little else to do besides focus on caring for herself well enough so that she can parent my niece, yet there is doubt as to whether my sister is a fit parent or not.
I’m not a professional. I’m just an aunt and my sister's sister, and I offer my opinions and observations in that vein. However, having those roles allows me to offer a unique viewpoint in this case from the standpoint that I am the person in this case, aside from the parent and her child, who has been involved the longest. I’ve observed my sister’s progress and Niece's growth up close and personal.
Blah blah blah….
The most interesting part was the part about the giraffes. :o)
Friday, June 02, 2006
A Review of Irreversible
You know that terrible French film that I mentioned? Here's a review of it. I think Vincent Cassel is growing on me. He's unexpectedly articulate and intelligent.
http://film.guardian.co.uk/interview/interviewpages/0,,886279,00.html
'It shows us the animal inside us'
With its horrifying scenes of rape and murder, the notorious French film Irréversible opens in Britain today. Its star, Vincent Cassel, tells Stuart Jeffries why he and his wife Monica Bellucci agreed to make it.
Friday January 31, 2003
The Guardian
Is it a good career move to star in a widely condemned movie that features a nine-minute rape sequence and a man getting his head bludgeoned to pulp with a fire extinguisher? Vincent Cassel rolls his eyes. "It's not a career move. But if you want to talk about careers, a lot of directors from all over the world will look up to this movie. This movie will be studied at film schools years from now."
Cassel, 36, one of France's leading film actors, is talking about Irréversible, the notorious picture that shocked Cannes, scandalised much of Catholic Europe and opens in Britain today - though only after censors mused long and hard about whether it could be released at all. In the movie, Cassel plays a vengeful husband trawling some of the most seamy Parisian clubs to find the man who raped his wife, Alex, and to kill him. Alex is played by Cassel's real-life wife, Italian model-turned-actor Monica Bellucci.
Much of the critical interest in this difficult film, directed by Argentinian film-maker Gaspar Noe, has focused on how it tells its rape-revenge story in reverse. The picture starts with the attack and leads back to the rape and a seduction scene in the shower between Cassel and Bellucci, whose putative sexiness is undone by the violence of what we have seen in the rest of the film. "Actually, our friends found the shower scene the hardest to watch, because it seemed the most intrusive," says Cassel.
This device of reversing the chronology of a story in film is not new. In the 1983 film adaptation of Harold Pinter's play Betrayal - which deals with a woman's affair with her husband's best friend - the entire story is told from the husband's point of view, with the scenes in reverse chronological order. "One of Gaspar's original ideas in fact was to buy up the rights to remake Betrayal," says Cassel, who is also one of Irréversible's co-producers. "But we couldn't, so Gaspar wrote this. The idea of telling a story in reverse destabilises your ordinary moral reactions. That's one of the points of art - to challenge your preconceptions."
In the film, Alex rows with her boyfriend at a party and leaves alone. Instead of crossing a busy street, she walks through a grim-looking subway, wearing a see-through dress and high heels. She is attacked by a gay pimp, who calls her a "fucking bitch" and anally rapes her at knifepoint. We then see Alex try to get to her feet before he grabs her and thumps her head repeatedly into a slab until she passes out.
What did Cassel think when he saw the scene? He squirms in his seat. "I wanted to be on the set as a moral help. But Monica said she didn't want me to be there. She said there was no reason to be there, and that it would be harder for the actor to work if I was. So I went to the southwest of France to surf.
"When I saw the scene I laughed - as a defence I guess. It is a very difficult scene. We have both been confronted by our best friends who have asked us, 'Why did you do it?' It's amazing to be able to surprise your best friends.
"My brother stood up in the middle of a screening at the Cannes film festival last year and shouted: 'Gaspar Noe - son of a bitch! We're going to get you!' And he's a rapper. He's supposed to be hard core."
Bellucci, 34, has said that she did not find it hard to perform in the rape scene, which was filmed in one shot from a fixed camera. She said that afterwards she sat down, had a cup of coffee and thought about something else. Her appearance in Irréversible clearly has done her career no harm - she recently finished playing Persephone in the two sequels to the Hollywood blockbuster The Matrix. She has also played Mary Magdalene in Mel Gibson's looming Christ film The Passion.
Cassel, already the star of such great French movies as La Haine and L'Appartement as well as Gallic blockbusters such as Brotherhood of the Wolf and Crimson Rivers, has also hardly been starved for work since Irréversible. He is to star alongside Bellucci and Eddie Izzard in what he calls "a shamanic western" directed by Jan Kounen, who made the violent Dobermann in 1997, also starring Cassel. He is also to star in Gilles Mimouni's first film since the well-received 1996 picture L'Appartement, and in a new picture to be made by his friend Mathieu Kassovitz. None of them, he says, will be as controversial as Irréversible.
Cassel says that Noe initially approached both him and Bellucci to make the film that "Tom and Nicole screwed up. He meant Eyes Wide Shut. At first he said his fantasy would be to make a film with explicit sex that makes you cry.
"We thought about it, and he showed us lots of films with explicit sex in them like Intimacy, l'Histoire d'O, and In the Realm of the Senses. And finally it was getting very complicated and we said no. Then he came up with the idea for Irréversible. There was no script, just 15 pages - pretty much as many pages as there are shots in the movie. I thought it was great. I really respect him and when someone makes a movie like this it is provocative and it is art. I like that it makes people react."
And people have. At Cannes, furious French critics lambasted Bellucci, Noe and Cassel. One asked, why not show a real rape? It's a question that still angers Cassel. "Why not? Well, because this is a movie and we are making cinema. It's about faking something. It's not a snuff movie. I don't mind people reacting to the movie at all, but some of these people didn't consider the movie as made by artists but just as wankers trying to provoke. We're not wankers."
Perhaps not, but what is the moral justification for such a film? Some have said that showing rape at all on film is wrong. There are lots of films that have done so, notably Sam Peckinpah's Straw Dogs. That film only recently received a certificate, 18 years after it was made. Its most controversial aspect is the rape of Susan George, which she is shown to be enjoying, momentarily. And in Death Wish, Michael Winner's near contemporaneous film, Charles Bronson plays an architect who reacts to the murder of his wife and attack on his daughter by going on a killing spree, the moral being that it is reassuring for public morals for Bronson to impose his gun law.
Irréversible subverts the violent-revenge ethics of Peckinpah and Winner. As viewers we are at least uncertain that Cassel's character's attempt to wreak revenge on the attacker is right, rather as we were when we saw John Wayne's character mutate horribly into the husk of a human being as he seeks revenge for the abduction of his niece by Comanches in John Ford's The Searchers. From this perspective, Irréversible might be seen as a moral movie.
For Cassel, though, the issue is not that clear. "It is a moral movie, but it's also a nihilistic one. It shows us the animal in us. The main problem for the audience is that they don't want to see the animal that's in all of us. Gaspar's film forces us to see that animal." And for Cassel, the animal is male. "It's a pro-female movie," he says. "The purest thing in the movie is the woman. Men fight, they're ugly. The men are stupid, and selfish, and she's like the crushed flower."
What's the point of showing a rape that lasts nine minutes? "When you see violence in movies in general, it's very quick and painless, which isn't what it's like. This is what it's like."
The British Board of Film Classification decided to release Irréversible uncut on the grounds that, though the film may well be shocking and unpleasant for many viewers, its content was unlikely to promote harmful activity. But the board has intimated that it may take a different view when certifying the film for video release. Cassel rolls his eyes again. "If it's a question of cutting the film for video, we would have to withdraw it. It's not a movie you can cut. It's not Tomb Raider. It's a work of art."
· Irréversible is reviewed by Peter Bradshaw in Friday Review
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Army Corps of Engineers: Louisiana Levees Were Poorly Built
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060601/ap_on_re_us/katrina_corps_report_3
You don't say? No kidding? You mean the technological wonder that is a pile of dirt, a mud wall, won't hold back Hurricane Category 5 storm surges?
Aw come on now.
That's like saying that a bandaid, even the Dora the Explorer ones, won't stop a hemorrhage. That's crazy talk! Dora the Explorer can stop anything!
Pure. Idiocy.
Army Corps: La. levees were poorly built
By CAIN BURDEAU, Associated Press Writer 2 hours, 14 minutes ago
NEW ORLEANS - Louisiana's hurricane protection system was overwhelmed by Katrina because it was built disjointedly using outdated data, according to an Army Corps of Engineers report released Thursday.
"The system did not perform as a system," according to the report, released on the first day of the 2006 Atlantic hurricane season. "The hurricane protection in New Orleans and Southeast Louisiana was a system in name only."
The 6,000-plus page document included details on engineering and design failures that led to the Aug. 29 storm surge overwhelming the city's outer levees and breaking through flood walls within New Orleans.
Katrina damaged 169 miles of the 350-mile hurricane system that protects New Orleans and was blamed for more than 1,570 deaths in Louisiana alone.
The report, prepared by the Interagency Performance Evaluation Task Force, said the area's hurricane protection system was inadequate and incomplete, noting it had been built disjointedly over several decades using outdated elevation data.
It report was contrite in tone but did not address questions raised by other agencies regarding the Corps' organizational mind-set, focusing instead of details such as flood wall designs, storm modeling and levee soil types in greater depth than the task force's preliminary studies.
Last month, a report by outside engineers said the Corps was dysfunctional and unreliable. That group, led by University of California, Berkeley, recommended setting up an agency to oversee the Corps' projects nationwide.
Lt. Gen. Carl Strock, the Corps chief, said the agency takes responsibility for the failures.
"Words alone will not restore trust in the Corps," Strock said, adding that the Corps is committed "to fulfilling our important responsibilities."
The Corps is responsible for harbors and navigable waterways. In Louisiana, it has an even broader mission of overseeing levee construction, river diversions and coastal preservation projects in the complex Mississippi River delta.
In response to criticism after Katrina, the Corps has made fixing New Orleans' flood protection system a top priority and tried to adapt its repair work to include new task force findings on how to build better levees and flood defenses. It
The Corps already has spent about $800 million for repairs and improvements and plans to spend $3.7 billion over the next four years to raise and strengthen levees, increase pumping capacity and install more flood gates to keep storm surge out of city canals.
A thorough assessment of the region's flood defenses found no "glaring weaknesses," said Col. Richard Wagenaar, the Corps' district chief in New Orleans.
The Atlantic hurricane season runs through Nov. 30. William Gray, a leading hurricane forecaster, said Wednesday that the 2006 season shouldn't be as destructive as 2005, which set records with 28 named storms and four major hurricanes making landfall. Gray's team forecasts 17 named storms this year, nine of them hurricanes.