Well, I haven't posted in a while. Sorry.
This is about the only 'diary' I've kept for this long.
Where do I start?
Mom moved into her own apartment. She's happy. Good for her.
I went to this big old meeting with everyone on Phrecklette's case last week Wednesday. It seems the State didn't bother looking for a new placement for Phrecklette because they wanted to offer whatever they could to me so that I would keep her. But although I love Phrecklette, I just can't do this anymore. I have to move on with my life, and honestly, that's a conflict of interest for Phrecklette. Her mom needs even more time to get her house in order. Phrecklette's therapist and I talked and cried about it after the meeting and I know that Phrecklette will be fine. I won't say it's going to be easy, but she is going to be fine. She's going to be taken care of and loved. I will have visits with her probably 3 times a week on certain days.
BF continues to be insensitive about it sometimes. Like I should just be over it and I knew this was coming so why am I so upset? Anyone reading this blog probably wonders why I'm still with him, but believe me, y'all don't see the good stuff.
Dad's out of the hospital and markedly improved. He's living in a skilled nursing facility right now. I'm his legal guardian. His nurse called me this morning to let me know that he's non-compliant and misbehaving. IE he's yelling at people about having his cigarettes before breakfast and he didn't sleep during the night. They had to give him some medicine so he'd sleep at some point. He was also non-compliant about his bath and letting the nurse see all of his skin. I can't blame him for that one…I mean, how humiliating. My mother, sister and I saw him last night right before he was supposed to go to bed and he was very nervous about being all alone up there. I assured him we wouldn't just forget him…we'd go and visit him a few times per week.
Dad's roommate, Larry, just lays in his bed all day…that makes me worry. I don't want my Dad to become forlorn and start doing that. They told me this morning that he is going to be evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist. I hope they don't zombify my dad with drugs. I really feel that he needs therapy, not medicine. I think I'm going to have to learn more about this stuff. They gave me some literature yesterday that I will read over.
My Dad's sister, who practically raised him, was very worried about him. She's demonized my mother in her head (she shouldn't feel alone in that respect). She asked me last night if my mom has any control over Dad's finances. No, she doesn't. I'm his legal guardian, so I have control over that. Not that he has much. Dad has no assets to worry about, aside from his social security income. And that's only about $1000 per month. The court will decide how that is spent.
As for me personally, I'm very tired all the time. I'm fatter than I was even a week ago and getting fatter all the time. I just can't stop eating for the life of me. I feel like once Phrecklette leaves, than I can concentrate some time on me and my needs and it won't always be all about someone else. I'll be able to go out biking when I want, walking when I want, buy less food and be able to go out just driving when I get bored instead of feeling like I need to eat or something. I can finally concentrate on myself for once.
I had thought that maybe I was tired all the time because I might be pregnant…but I took a test and that's not the story. Nope, it turns out it's just a consequence of being just plain fat; fat and stressed.
I'm not sleeping too well and none of my clothes fit, which makes me feel worse. Furthermore, I don't really care too much about bathing, but I do manage to get that done on a regular basis, although other frills of personal hygiene escape me. Nothing that would cause a stench but let's just say that my legs have not had the benefit of a razor's help in a while.
BF continues to be a support, though, yes, he's insensitive at times. Yesterday he sacrificed most of his day to help me put Dad in that nursing home. Then last night when I had to go visit Dad to check on him and all, he did the laundry. And he continues to practically raise Phrecklette for me.
But we did have a bit of a snit this morning because he wanted to borrow the car and I put the kaibosh on that because I need the dang thing. I might have to go out to Elkhorn during the day today and I don't want to have to interrupt whatever he's doing that's so all-important in order to do so. Turns out he just needs to go downtown and see his lawyer and also go to Creighton. I made the trip downtown yesterday in the truck with no trouble, so I fail to see why he can't. Honestly, he will live. But I didn't really have time to explain all that stuff this morning. So I left when we were both in a snit. He's left me a voicemail but I haven't checked it.
Well that's it for now. Will write later when more updates are available. :)
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