Glimmers of Hope Appear

Dad is staying with Mom right now.

Dad is getting along with Mom.

Mom seems to be cool with taking care of him. Hmmmm…

Perhaps I can let her do it and get myself off the hook? That would be so awesome.

Today's Horoscope

Sheila,
You Scorpios are feeling the heat from the emotional lava that is flowing. There isn't a place that is safe now, so you may as well let the transformational fire do its thing. Remember that this is not a permanent state of affairs, and even if you are terrified, the situation is not as treacherous as your instincts might indicate. Don't try to outrun it, for this change can be just what you've been waiting for.

Maybe things will be ok after Phrecklette leaves, after all.

What Is Wrong with This Picture?

Mom called today.

She said hi.

Then she said

"You know, that doily you're making would look really good on my kitchen table."

(see doily pattern here: http://www.angelfire.com/folk/celtwich/WildRoseDoily.html)

Whaaa?

It was my birthday yesterday.

She didn't call to say happy bday or anything until my sister reminded her.

And now she is asking for a present.

I think it's now confirmed:

My mom's a nutjob.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Lol I put those cards up and guess what…

It did not go unnoticed.

One of my favorite directors stopped by and goes, "Don't you know you have to put up a sign that says it's your birthday? We're all so self-absorbed…" She said she'd take me out to lunch next week.

But then she already gave me $500.00, which was probably the craziest thing that ever happened to me. LOL.

Today's Horoscope and Other News

Sheila,
Work-related issues have been weighing heavily on you and although you are still concerned about your professional role, circumstances lighten up today. You are determined to change the dynamics in the current power balance. Put your needs on the line; even if they don't resolve immediately, it's apparent you are finally moving in the right direction.

I was/am worried about my attendance. The family-related emergencies I've had to deal with have taken their toll on my reliability and dependability. Today is the first day in a while that I've been on time for work. Even that was a struggle. When I wake up in the morning, the right side of my lower back is killing me and I'm not feeling refreshed. I feel tired. Getting out of bed is a struggle.

My birthday was a flop. Not one person I support did anything about it. Nothing. Lol. I just came up with an idea. I still have my bday cards from last year. *evil laugh*. I will put them up in my cube!!!!! LOL. Ok, did it. I put up 3 cards lol including the one Karen gave me. :) Now let's see how this experiment works. I'm going to have to remember to keep these cards!

Funny, no one ever forgets Twiggy's birthday. Every year, someone takes her out to lunch, she gets cards, blah blah blah. Well I guess it's true. Fat people are invisible.

I went home and picked up the apartment and did my checkbook last night. That was fun. You would not believe how much of BF's stuff I threw out. All his stupid papers and crap that he saves. It's totally idiotic. I just threw them out and he will never  notice they're gone, I guarantee. The apartment looks much better without all that stuff laying around.

I've started planning for redecorating my apartment after Phrecklette's departure. Hey, life goes on. The world won't stop spinning because Phrecklette's gone. If I stop living and wallow in my sorrow over this, I'm just going to throw away everything I've worked for. No way am I doing that.

The nursing home is throwing Dad out today. Loverly. And guess who he's staying with? The wicked witch of the west. It should be for no more than a week. I hope. And pray. Otherwise, they'll kill eachother.

Mom came over last night to drop off the application for the VA and also Dad's new checkcard and PIN number. Before she did that, we talked on the phone. Hey guess what? She finally remembered my birthday. Probably because Cathleen reminded her. I went OFF on her lol. She told me happy birthday and I go,

"Aw, thanks Mom. So did Cathleen have to remind you?"
"No, I knew it was your birthday all along. I don't have much money right now, or I'd…" Funny. She bought herself a loverly dinette set yesterday and told me about it…twice.

"You knew? Oh that's funny because we've had like 5 conversations today and you seemed oblivious.."
"No , I knew and…"
"Oh whatever. This isn't the first time Mom! You forget my damn birthday every fricking year!"

There was a little more but I think you get the picture. There was definitely a lot more cussing, but we'll just edit that out…

I asked BF to please go to the store and get me some sherbet. He flatly refused and asked me to do it. Another occasion to go off…I mean, last year I spent the whole day getting ready to do something special for his birthday.

I cooked this lovely dinner.
I bought candles and candlesticks.
We ate dinner by total candlelight.
I bought wine.
I bought special glasses.
Mein gott!!!!!

For my birthday, what did I get from him? A card, a flower and that's it.

You know, I understand that people don't have money. I don't expect them to spend all kinds of money on me. It's the things they DO that matter. Not what they buy. He couldn't have cooked me dinner? Picked up the apartment? Taken me to a park? Taken me to the dang dollar theater? Anything????? JESUS.

It just irks me to no end.

Welcome to Les Miserables in Omaha

Could my life be any more dramatic?

Deirdre and I met the foster mom last night. Load off my mind, big time! She was awesome. It is a very good placement. Phrecklette will have a lovely bedroom with a matching pillow and coverlet, blah blah blah. Lots of toys and a foster mom 100% devoted to raising her. They have told the foster mom the placement will last 3-6 months. I hope my sister never gets Phrecklette back. Phrecklette will be much better off without her mom. Anyway, D-day is this Sunday, 10/30. I am taking 10/31 off in order to deal with it.

I mean, considering all the stuff I'm going through, how much worse is Phrecklette going to have it?

I'm guardian for my dad, my mom's a knitwit and when she gets older, who do you think is going to be guardian for her? Hmmm? She won't have any retirement savings.

Dad's in that nursing home right now and he gets disoriented so easily, it's not even funny. His balance is questionable, and I swear, he lives in a fantasy world or something. They called today and said that, since they're done with therapy for him, they will be discharging him Thursday unless someone else will pick up the tab. Read: unless family will pick up the $150/day tab. Yeah right! We're ALL poor.

So I've been frantically trying to figure something out. Thank God I started a Medicaid application for him when this all began, because it looks like that will save the day. I think my Mom is going to need to divorce him in order to get it approved though. Otherwise, they, like the VA, might consider her income too when reviewing the application, which would kill the application. I wonder, can I file for divorce on behalf of my father?

I called Mom today. She said there's no way he'll be living with her. So who's he going to live with, huh? ME? Not a chance! I shouldn't even have to do this! This is HER job.

I mentioned to my sup about what's going on and she was worried that I'd have to take time off on Thursday. I guess all this drama is getting to her. She even mentioned that I have a lot of drama in my life. Believe me, she wasn't being nasty in the last. It is the truth. It's not my fault that all this is happening. But why did I volunteer for this? If being Dad's guardian is this difficult, I'm not sure I can do it. At some point, don't I have to save ME? This is messing with my job!!!!! Maybe I can get Jon to help me with this…I probably can, he's the most understanding boyfriend that ever frickin lived...

I Don't Feel Much Like Writing...

The only reason I'm writing today is because I promised myself I'd keep this blog alive so that I can look back and see my growth.

Phrecklette's new foster mom is chosen and will be taking my place by next week, probably. We'll do a 7 - 10 day transition.

So next week sometime, I will probably be a shambles. My sup asked me, "Are you sure you want to do this?" I said I was.

I know this is the right thing for me. Almost all the recovery that I had in my life is gone. If I look back and see where it went, I can tell you that yes, I was having some problems around the time I met BF. I had already gained a few pounds here and there, but nothing substantial. I could still wear my jeans (those were wonderful jeans). Then I started caring for Phrecklette and the proverbial sh*t really hit the fan. I started gaining weight at lightning speed.

After Phrecklette leaves, I will grieve for a time, then I will start doing some things about my health. Not my weight. My health. That's got to be the focus.

Mary B helped me get some perspective today. She said that this isn't my fault…this is my sister's fault. It is because Phrecklette is ready to go home but my sister is not ready. Mary said that my sister must take responsibility for that. I thank God for that therapist sometimes.

In one way, I am excited about starting life again after Phrecklette leaves. In another…well...not so much.

Dad Does Not Belong in a Nursing Home

He's fully recovered from his stroke and the sad thing is that he swears up and down he's never going to drink again…but none of us trust him not to.

He's very angry all the time and hates that nursing home. I'm not surprised…he doesn't belong there at all. I have to find another place for him…I've been appointed guardian. Yippy skippy. Last night he cussed at me to which I replied, ok I'm leaving, and then he apologized immediately. Gotta love those old alcoholics.

The other residents in the nursing home are much worse off than Dad, healthwise. Many are in wheelchairs. He seriously needs to be somewhere different. But I still don't know if he can live on his own or not. I just see him getting into trouble with drinking and not paying bills again. To some extent, he seems like he can care for himself…he can cook for himself and some things like that. He would need help with housework. But falling remains a very real problem. I don't know what the solution is.

I have a follow up appointment today at the Home he's at…I guess we'll discuss it there.

First-grade teachers give kids the world

This is a great article. It really touched me.

I'm 28 now but one of my most vivid memories of gradeschool is of Sister Idalia at Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic School on 32nd here in Omaha. My family was poor and my mom didn't have the money for my milk money at school, so Sister Idalia paid for my milk for the year. I've never forgotten how compassionate that was. And that compassion really taught me by example. She knew I was sensitive about being the only kid in class who didn't get a little milk carton.

Many from OLL will remember Sister Idalia, I'm sure. Growing up is a messy and difficult business. Great teachers make it much easier.

------------------------------------
Michael Kelly: First-grade teachers give kids the world

BY MICHAEL KELLY

        
 http://www.omaha.com/c_images/fills/black.gif
       
WORLD-HERALD COLUMNIST  

Do you recall your first-grade teacher? On vacation last week, as I heard my 6-year-old grandson read aloud, I fondly remembered mine.

I had carried around a kind note from her last spring, and intended to call. Then I learned that she had died.

All teachers are important, but the first-grade classroom is a special place of wonder - and for many of us, our first-grade teacher is a wonder, too.

First grade is where the door to language opens wider. We learn to gain meaning from print, and to convey meaning from mind to pencil to paper.

What a thrill for a child - to see that door of literacy swing open.

In Omaha last month, another former first-grade teacher died. The legendary Ann Christiansen lived to 98 years, eight months and 10 days. She taught for 50 years, including 46 at the old Corrigan Elementary, 38th and Y Streets.

Her husband died long ago, and she had no children. But in another sense, she had so many children. For the past 25 years, some of her former pupils from long ago met her for lunch once a month.

"I loved to teach," Ann said last December. "I could be teaching today if they'd let me, but I'm too old."

As a teacher, she delighted in arranging field trips to the workplaces of her students' parents. In some cases, the parents had been her pupils, too.

She kept an active social calendar and traveled widely. She never stopped teaching.

"I remember as a child that Ann would teach me about the places she'd visited," great-niece Diane Warneke recalled at her funeral. "I was always amazed that my aunt - who, at the time, seemed very old to me - was traveling all over the world."

Ann was frugal, teaching the importance of working hard and saving money. More than just punctual for appointments, she always arrived early.

Ted Argintean of Valley never forgot his teacher. He is 72, a retired railroader.

"Ann is the person who taught me how to print and how to read," he said. "She was a one-of-a-kind person. Unforgettable."

My first-grade teacher was a nun, and I well remember her busy classroom - 40 children, learning to write with thick-leaded "mechanical pencils" on lined paper.

Her name at the time was Sister Mary Ferdinand. We kids affectionately called her (not to her face) "Ferdinand the Bull" - after a lovable Disney cartoon character who liked to sit quietly and smell the flowers.

As a Sister of Mercy, she wore a bulky black habit, her head mostly covered. I couldn't have told you her age, other than "grownup." Now I know that she was a mere 21.

I soon lost touch. Years and decades passed. Sister, I later learned, served nearly a decade as a missionary in Jamaica, becoming headmistress at a school.

Four years ago, during a school reunion in Ohio, we former kids visited her convent. Sister Mary Leinen (her family name) smiled and called out names as she recognized child-faces amid our wrinkles. We bent down to her wheelchair and embraced her.

Later, I visited her again for lunch, bringing along my daughter, a first-grade teacher, to meet my first-grade teacher.

Last spring I carried that note, intending to schedule another lunch but not knowing she would die soon at 72. It's too easy to put things off, and I regret that I did.

Teachers such as Ann Christiansen and Sister Mary leave imprints on the lives of children who, so soon, grow up.

My grandson Jonathan, learning to read, stands at the gates of wonderment - a very special place called first grade.

Contact the Omaha World-Herald newsroom

Going Down in Flames..

I'm fat, stressed, and tired all the time.

Yes, I'm going down in flames.

When I think of doing something that'll give me a release, I don't think about my favorite sport. I don't think about the doily I'm working on. I don't think about going for a walk or enjoying Nature...

...I think about Mint Chocolate Cookie Ben n Jerry's ice cream and a bag of tortilla chips with melted cheese or mild Walmart chunky salsa. But it also has to have a movie attached or some other mindless activity during which I can consume the forementioned drugs.

I can't get enough sleep. Probably because I am having sleep apneas again but don't really realize it. Nevertheless, I don't sleep well enough that an 8 hour period of sleeping will do it for me. No, I am starting to need to sleep longer than that. I would say I could get it done in about 10 hours. Yes, this is some serious fat. Because I don’t sleep that well, I am constantly late for work because I can't get my fat butt out of bed in the morning.

When I first started at this job, I was 369 pounds. I had to make my own clothes because I mostly couldn't find anything that I could squeeze myself into. I didn't sleep well enough that I could recover enough energy in 8 hours in order to get up in the morning and get to work. My sleep problems largely contributed to the reason why my previous employer was so unforgiving when I made a wee little mistake that cost them about $75,000 or so…ok not so little.

But the sleep problems and the fat definitely contributed to the error. When I started this job, I had such a hard time getting out of bed in the morning that I almost lost this job. I didn't have the energy to show up for work so much that I almost lost my job over that too.

One time, this one guy that I worked for...we'll call him the Golden Boy or GB for short...I had just taken some days off of work for BS reasons and I was talking with him in his office. GB tended to get a little personal…ie he just told you what he thought and if you didn't like it, tough rhymes-with-wit. So he remarked to me…"You know…why don't you go get a job at Burger King or something? At that place, it doesn't matter if you show up for work or not. But here, we need you here." I was pretty flabbergasted. I cringe with humiliation even now, just thinking of it. I tried to email him back a retort a couple of times, but I couldn't think of anything to say that I thought was good enough….and the reason I couldn't think of anything? Because there was no retort. He was right. My actions were wrong. Talk about a dressing-down that woke your butt up. \

Anyway, this just feels like history repeating, and it feels like I have a choice to either let it repeat or stop it in its tracks. Yet at the same time, I feel powerless to stop it. Like it would be the same thing as trying to move a mountain. But I can still look back to those memories of the springtime of my life (which is when I started this blog…check the first post) and I can feel what it was like back then and the sense of adventure and exhilaration that I was finally meeting myself and I know I can feel that way again.

Today's Horoscope

Sheila,
Your partner or friend might turn suddenly on you now, but this is not as significant as it appears. If you engage the anger or annoyance coming at you, it will only feed it. If, however, you just listen as you try to understand a different point of view, the difficult situation will blow over as quickly as a spring rain shower.

Hmmmmmmm…wow how appropo.

Update: Status: Fat and Stressed

Well, I haven't posted in a while. Sorry.

This is about the only 'diary' I've kept for this long.

Where do I start?

Mom moved into her own apartment. She's happy. Good for her.

I went to this big old meeting with everyone on Phrecklette's case last week Wednesday. It seems the State didn't bother looking for a new placement for Phrecklette because they wanted to offer whatever they could to me so that I would keep her. But although I love Phrecklette, I just can't do this anymore. I have to move on with my life, and honestly, that's a conflict of interest for Phrecklette. Her mom needs even more time to get her house in order. Phrecklette's therapist and I talked and cried about it after the meeting and I know that Phrecklette will be fine. I won't say it's going to be easy, but she is going to be fine. She's going to be taken care of and loved. I will have visits with her probably 3 times a week on certain days.

BF continues to be insensitive about it sometimes. Like I should just be over it and I knew this was coming so why am I so upset? Anyone reading this blog probably wonders why I'm still with him, but believe me, y'all don't see the good stuff.

Dad's out of the hospital and markedly improved. He's living in a skilled nursing facility right now. I'm his legal guardian. His nurse called me this morning to let me know that he's non-compliant and misbehaving. IE he's yelling at people about having his cigarettes before breakfast and he didn't sleep during the night. They had to give him some medicine so he'd sleep at some point. He was also non-compliant about his bath and letting the nurse see all of his skin. I can't blame him for that one…I mean, how humiliating. My mother, sister and I saw him last night right before he was supposed to go to bed and he was very nervous about being all alone up there. I assured him we wouldn't just forget him…we'd go and visit him a few times per week.

Dad's roommate, Larry, just lays in his bed all day…that makes me worry. I don't want my Dad to become forlorn and start doing that. They told me this morning that he is going to be evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist. I hope they don't zombify my dad with drugs. I really feel that he needs therapy, not medicine. I think I'm going to have to learn more about this stuff. They gave me some literature yesterday that I will read over.

My Dad's sister, who practically raised him, was very worried about him. She's demonized my mother in her head (she shouldn't feel alone in that respect). She asked me last night if my mom has any control over Dad's finances. No, she doesn't. I'm his legal guardian, so I have control over that. Not that he has much. Dad has no assets to worry about, aside from his social security income. And that's only about $1000 per month. The court will decide how that is spent.

As for me personally, I'm very tired all the time. I'm fatter than I was even a week ago and getting fatter all the time. I just can't stop eating for the life of me. I feel like once Phrecklette leaves, than I can concentrate some time on me and my needs and it won't always be all about someone else. I'll be able to go out biking when I want, walking when I want, buy less food and be able to go out just driving when I get bored instead of feeling like I need to eat or something. I can finally concentrate on myself for once.

I had thought that maybe I was tired all the time because I might be pregnant…but I took a test and that's not the story. Nope, it turns out it's just a consequence of being just plain fat; fat and stressed.

I'm not sleeping too well and none of my clothes fit, which makes me feel worse. Furthermore, I don't really care too much about bathing, but I do manage to get that done on a regular basis, although other frills of personal hygiene escape me. Nothing that would cause a stench but let's just say that my legs have not had the benefit of a razor's help in a while.

BF continues to be a support, though, yes, he's insensitive at times. Yesterday he sacrificed most of his day to help me put Dad in that nursing home. Then last night when I had to go visit Dad to check on him and all, he did the laundry. And he continues to practically raise Phrecklette for me.

But we did have a bit of a snit this morning because he wanted to borrow the car and I put the kaibosh on that because I need the dang thing. I might have to go out to Elkhorn during the day today and I don't want to have to interrupt whatever he's doing that's so all-important in order to do so. Turns out he just needs to go downtown and see his lawyer and also go to Creighton. I made the trip downtown yesterday in the truck with no trouble, so I fail to see why he can't. Honestly, he will live. But I didn't really have time to explain all that stuff this morning. So I left when we were both in a snit. He's left me a voicemail but I haven't checked it.

Well that's it for now. Will write later when more updates are available. :)

Tom and Katie Cruise...again

I was just thinking about something…does anyone wonder why neither Mimi Rogers nor Nicole Kidman nor Penelope Cruz have ever come out and said, Leave Tom alone, he's not gay? Hmmm…just curious.

Worries

I look so frumpy lately. That's not good in a department focused on looking good and presenting a good image…but the clients never see me either. Only thing is, our department head sees me and he's been known to comment if someone is not dressed appropriately for work…and my boss just got called into his office with the door closed too after he saw me in the hallway…oh dear...

They Must be Catholic...

No knock on Catholics…I am Catholic, after all. : ) I love their attitude about this. It's so sweet and refreshing in this anti-motherhood society.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051013/ap_on_re_us/sixteen_kids

Arkansas Mother Gives Birth to 16th Child

By MELISSA NELSON, Associated Press WriterThu Oct 13, 1:28 AM ET

Michelle Duggar just delivered her 16th child, and she's already thinking about doing it again. Johannah Faith Duggar was born at 6:30 a.m. Tuesday and weighed 7 pounds, 6.5 ounces.

The baby's father, Jim Bob Duggar, a former state representative, said Wednesday that mother and child were doing well. Johannah's birth was especially exciting because it was the first time in eight years the family has had a girl, he said.

Jim Bob Duggar, 40, said he and Michelle, 39, want more children.

"We both just love children and we consider each a blessing from the Lord. I have asked Michelle if she wants more and she said yes, if the Lord wants to give us some she will accept them," he said in a telephone interview.

The Discovery Health Channel filmed Johannah's birth and plans to air a show about the family in May.

The Learning Channel is doing another show about the family's construction project, a 7,000-square foot house that should be finished before Christmas. The home, which the family from the northwest Arkansas town of Rogers has been building for two years, will have nine bathrooms, dormitory-style bedrooms for the girls and boys, a commercial kitchen, four washing machines and four dryers.

Jim Bob Duggar, who sells real estate, previously lost his bid for the U.S. Senate. He said he expects to run for the state Senate next year but isn't ready to make a formal announcement.

Michelle Duggar, 39, had her first child at age 21, four years after the couple married.

Their children include two sets of twins, and each child has a name beginning with the letter "J": Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah.

Today's Horoscope...Fairly Accurate

Sheila,
You may know what you want to do, but this doesn't mean that others will be ready to follow you. Everyone seems to have a tendency to go off in highly individual directions today without regard for playing on a team. If you're too attached to your idea of progress, you could be in for a struggle. Let the unfolding situation dictate the best approach.

Well, we had a big pow wow with my sister's therapist, Phrecklette's therapist, the social worker and the guardian ad litem last night. They tried to convince me to keep Phrecklette even longer.  I said no.

They hadn't done any work on getting Phrecklette a new foster family, so they've just begun that process. Loverly. This means that a transition won't take place yet. Phrecklette's therapist, we'll call her Birdy, thought Phrecklette shouldn't just go to a new place without a transition. At this point, I'll abide by whatever Birdy thinks we should do.

I told BF about it this morning…he's not happy, but I must abide by my conscience. My conscience says that now is the right time to let Phrecklette go, but not without have due caution for her needs. She needs to know she's not being abandoned. I'll do whatever is necessary to ensure that.

Child Support and Father's Rights in Nebraska are so Messed Up

BF just called. Today was his trial date for child support and custody.

He got royally (insert curse word of choice here)ed. Same visitation as before…32 hours per week. Even more child support. Child support must be paid all the way back to when she was born. He owes half of the birth costs. It's a total of $2800.

So that means I'm in for a long road to hoe too. Because he will not be able to support himself for a very long time.

I am so tired of this. Part me says that my Dad was right…that this is not worth it for me. I will have to deal with this total (insert curse word here) and not only that, but my BF/husband/whatever will be financially unable to support me and our children at any time because he's paying so much money to that tart.

And will Gnat be raised any better for all the wallet-sucking going on out of my BF's pocket? No.

It is all just very, very sad.

Today's Horoscope

Sheila,
You could feel in control of your life today, for you have the benefit of understanding what is happening. Your mind is like a sponge now and you don't miss a trick. You have a keen sense of which issues require the most attention, so you are able to cut through the clutter and get at the essentials. Telling others what to do, however, will require clarity and tact. Don't expect people to do what you want without precise instructions.

Again, fairly accurate. I am concerned right now that my sister will be too permissive with Phrecklette and that Mom will not do the right things by Dad. She actually told me that she wished he had died so she wouldn't have to see him like this. Loverly. How insensitive. I pointed out to her that it might suck for us to see him like this, but Dad is just fine…he doesn't know that he's confused. As long as he has his family and friends around him, he is going to be just fine. Now she is trying to pawn guardianship of Dad off on me. I'm thinking about it, but I don't know if I'm going to go for it or not. I will check into it and see what must be done. Honestly, I don't trust my mom to manage it properly and ensure that Dad is taken care of.

But another part of me asks, "Is this you just being codependent? Needing someone else to take care of now that Phrecklette is leaving?" The truth is, I don't know. But who else is going to take care of him right? My mom looks at him as a burden, not a person. I'm not sure she is the right choice to care for him. Last night when I went to get the info from my mom, my sister was there and she nervously asked, "What do you need that for?" I explained…"Mom and I are trying to figure out who's going to be Dad's guardian. I'm not sure I'm going to do it because I don't know how much work it is. I'm tired of taking care of you people."

Anyway, we will see. I have sought advice from two people I trust and will go from there.

PARIS HILTON

It just never ends… http://www.nypost.com/gossip/gossip.htm

source: page six

PARIS Hilton broke up with Paris Latsis in a cold way: with her new man, Stavros Niarchos, listening to her on the phone, our sources say. But Niarchos "will never be with her seriously. Stavros is just having fun," we're told. Latsis's friends are snickering over the heir-head's telling Us Weekly, "Paris says I can keep the engagement ring. He says I earned it." One Latsis pal snipes: "How else did she earn it? With sex. Like a hooker. It's a diss and she didn't get it — no surprise."

Hilton seems happy to be free of Latsis: she celebrated all weekend with Bijou Phillips and Kim Stewart at the first-year anniversary of Body English at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Vegas. Friday night, she caught the Killers performing in the hotel's parking lot. Three-quarters of the way through the high-energy show, a palm tree caught fire after a fan threw a lit cigarette on it, sending thick black smoke over the VIP bleacher section. Hilton and her pals ran for safety and came back just in time for the final few songs. The girls partied well into Saturday morning, when Hilton was heard screaming: "I am so glad I'm single!"

Today's Horoscope

Sheila,
Although you might want private time today, there's a fair chance that you won't get much of it. Unexpected visitors at home or in the office can take you in a more social direction. This could be stimulating, but not very restful. You could have a better chance finding needed quiet time by getting out and away from your computer and phone.

Man, that is the truth.

Apparently people around here are slightly illiterate. I had a sign up during lunch, which I took in my cube, but people paid no attention, strode right in and gave me orders. Hello!!!! There's a reason why I'm crocheting in my cube!!!!

No one has visited Daddy today...

Like these people have so many better things to do!!! Crikey! Mom just took a whole month off of work, ostensibly because of Daddy being in the hospital…why is she not visiting him? So he's been sitting there all day with no one visiting him. Damnit.

Oh and Nancy wrote me back…

La Phreckle,
I suspected something was up when (your sister) couldn’t tell me his phone number at the hospital during the phone call. She also said the stroke was caused because of the drinking. My father was an alcoholic so there is no shame in telling me this. I understand. It happens to some families. (Your sister) gave me only the patient info number and hospital name and told me I could send things to him through her. God blessed your father by giving you such compassion.

The hospital has some sort of “outpatient placement” when he is ready to leave there. You may want to speak to the nurses at the hospital and tell them what has been going on also. Ask the Doctor(s) for a family conference. They will assess your family situation and find a safe place for your father to fully recover. I agree - A homeless shelter is not it. They know that just like you do. I had your father put on the prayer list at Mass, yesterday. I also told him I would pray a rosary for him. His speech was slurred but he seemed cheerful just for my call. My mom and your aunt are aware your Dad is in the hospital. You may wish to call them to counter any informational damage they may have received.

I understand you have your hands full with the baby. Don’t be alarmed as this is too much for you to handle alone. You are doing your best to take care of the baby. Your family just needs more help than you are personally able to give. Don’t worry about your sister and your mom. They will take care of each other.

Focus on your dad. He is the one in trouble right now. You have the wisdom to know that and the emotional strength to take care of their grandchild. The doctors are in charge not anyone else. Good luck!!!!!!! And know that you are loved as well.

Nancy

MJ is Becoming My Little Weight Helper

She came into my cube and saw me eating Reese's Pieces, my new favorite binge food.

Oh shut up. I'm tired.

Anyway, she said, "you need to stop eating those! There is nothing wrong with having a little helper!"

MJ is about 5'2". So I said, "Little is right."

Then I said, "Get out of my cubicle," then I lied and said, "just kidding."

Wow.

This is almost like a Haiku. Actually, I'm fairly confident it's nothing like that, as I don't remember what a Haiku is. LOL.

Another today's horoscope

Check this out. I can't believe how on-target it is!

Overview: Family matters have been challenging, and may not improve right away, but a tiny light at the end of the tunnel now will guide you. Fortunately, your perceptive nature is so keen you'll recognize it as such.

My Mom and Sister Are Not Saints...

And it disgusts me that that is how they are portraying themselves to my dad's family. My cousin Nancy wrote to the family about Dad's hospitalization and stuff. I decided to reply .

Do you mind if I vent a little, confidentially? I don't really have anyone else to talk to.
Honestly, I am very very VERY angry at my mom and sister. I do not like them looking like they are taking such good care of him when in fact they are not and were not.

My mother has failed to take care of my Dad properly -- he's been having seizures for a while now and was having them at night and she never called an ambulance. She didn't care. Furthermore, she wants to leave my dad, which I can't blame her for, however last Wednesday, she and my sister cooked up this idea to dump him at a homeless shelter so he could go through their alcoholism program. Neither one of them checked on him to make sure he was ok (I can't tell you how long it has been that my dad has not been fully 'with it').

I went down there that night and not only did they tell me that it was dangerous for him there because of the vagrants but also that he was going to have to sleep on a damn mat on the floor. Dad was sitting in a chair repeatedly asking me to take him home but I couldn't because I had nowhere to put him, not a sofa, not a bed, nothing, and I didn't know if he could go back to the house because my mom had begun staying with my sister. So he kept asking me if I could take him home and I had to tell him that he had to stay there that night and THAT'S when he had the stroke Nancy.

I will never forget it...I thought he was starting to cry, and I think that's what he was doing, but then he just crumpled in front of me. Can you please pray that I will be able to forgive them? I thought I could leave ONE damn thing in their hands to take care of while I am taking care of Deirdre and boy was I wrong. I'm just disgusted and angry with them and with myself for not seeing this sooner! you know...yes, my dad is an alcoholic, and he brought a large part of this on himself, but he is still a human being and where is the compassion that his WIFE is supposed to have for him? That his daughter, whom he's been supporting for 32 years, is supposed to have for him? I should have done something sooner, but how much of this family's baggage do I have to take on? I know he did some wrong things, and he did them directly to my mom and sister, but they have just been treating him horribly now that he is old. It just makes me want to scream. I am so glad SOMEONE is taking care of him now.

Anyway, just needed to vent. thanks for listening.

The Pains of Thoughtless Directors

Thank God I have this blog as an outlet instead of going off on the poor people that I serve here at the office. Just because I am bone-tired from staying up too late last night and worrying about my dad, that doesn't mean they should fall victim to my ill-tempered ranting.

Sooooooooooooooooooo…here goes….

One of my directors had me print about 18 copies of a presentation for her. 20 pages…no no…28 pages each. So that's 504 pages. One ream of paper.

I print them.

And bind them.

And present them.

And only THEN does she check them for boo boos.

Why check them before sending them to me? Why would someone do something as silly as that? I must be off my rocker for thinking such a thing! So she THEN checks them for accuracy (I've edited them too) and then informs me that she needs one number changed in the presentations. I find out it's only 1 stat that she has wrong and it's very unlikely the prospect would notice. I bring this to her attention. Does she still want all 18 copies rebound? Of course. What else would the *&^% want? :o) It's not like SHE has to do it.

Well thank God it is just one page that needs to be reprinted. That's really not that bad. It could be a lot worse, right? Right. I felt better after I messed with Command Workstation so that my print job would print ahead of the others that were waiting there before mine. HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

MELANIA TRUMP...is glowing

I saw a pic of her today and instead of her usual glower as though she's constipated, she was glow-ING. A very wide smile and happiness beaming right out of her eyes. So sweet!!!! : )

Pic of Melania: http://celebritybabies.typepad.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/fm_6144233_donaldtr_gpace_1.jpg

Link to what she usually looks like: http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/14/2005/06/index.html

Just scroll down a little.

My Newest Doily Project

http://www.angelfire.com/folk/celtwich/Quadrille.html

Holy Buckets...

They shop off of QVC! They talk about missing this 'show' or that 'show'…someone please shoot me if I start doing that!

A New NickName for the TV Twins...

The Shopping Sisters.

Once it was deck furniture. Now it's pillows and bedding. As cold as Twiggy gets, MJ just can't believe she hasn't bought herself a down comforter and some flannel sheets! Stop the presses folks!!!!!!!

Today's Horoscope

My dad had a stroke Wednesday night, so I haven't been posting for a while.

Sheila,
Your mind is particularly sharp now, but your tongue might be, too. Your comments are likely to be particularly pointed today and will, perhaps, provoke defensiveness in others. Oddly, the more accurate you are with what you say, the more difficult it may be for others to accept your remarks graciously. Be gentle with those around you, including yourself.

How accurate. I'm pretty ticked at my sister and mom for dumping my 74 year old father at a homeless shelter Wednesday night. I'd like to ring both their necks. I had to tell him I couldn't take him home and that's when he had the stroke. Lovely. He's been in the hospital since but he's doing a lot better…it wasn't a very strong stroke.

I am so tired it's not even funny

I had the worst time trying to get to sleep last night. I didn't actually truly fall asleep until about 7am. Which is a problem because I am to be at work by 8:30 am. See the problem?

So I am soooooo tired today. But at least I'm in a better mood. I am far less snappy than I was for about  a week there. BF is happy about that .

What he's less happy about today is that I am going to get the results of Phrecklette's psych eval today. He says I shouldn't go, what do I need to know for, etc. I just want to know what she has to say. I'm curious. So I will be going.

Adminzilla's in some big trouble now...

Her 'tude has been brought to her manager's attention twice now. MJ is the latest culprit. I guess she got a little flaky with MJ because MJ happened to be answering Adminzilla's phone. All the EAs are supposed to back each other up. Napoleon doesn't like it when the executive phones are not answered by anyone. I remember one time when he called in and continually got me instead of an EA and he goes, "This is going to stop NOW." He was ticked.

And when you're in Napoleon's bad graces (can that be called graces?), you can be assured that you can be fired at any minute for any reason. Hell, I was almost fired by him once. I had screwed up and if my manager and another one had wanted me gone, he wouldn't have had a single problem with it. My sup even told me so. How she could be so matter of fact about that when telling me that my life was almost severly disrupted is beyond me…

Anyway, if she keeps inconveniencing him, he's just gonna get rid of her, I guarantee it. And Twiggy and MJ are going to be sorry when they have to do her job.

If I were my sup, who is the same person supervising all the EAs and Twiggy as well, I would be ticked that people keep going to Napoleon with these problems that Adminzilla is creating. Why do people keep going over her head? Probably because they don't think my sup will do a dang thing.

And guess what…they're right.

When I was late almost every bloody day, I remember my sup taking me into a conference room and telling me that I was right 'on the edge' of being fired because Napoleon was now noticing that I was always late (he usually pays no attention to the admins). If I didn't straighten up, I would be in total trouble.

Black Eyed Peas

There's this guy at work that I was totally hating on a while back…we'll just call him Bobby, probably cause that's his name. I was hating on him because I was having some problems and the problems were making me super ummmm well, it rhymes with richie. : )

Anyhoo, I have been enjoying the Black Eyed Peas' music on the radio lately and was thinking about getting their CD. But I don't want to buy a CD with 2 good tracks and the rest all suck. That's not worth my $16.00 ($13.00 at Wal-Mart…love ya Wal-Mart!). So anyway, he's a total music junkie so I asked him if I could get some from him and he was happy to oblige. Nice guy. He also brought me some Kanye West…yay. : )

Now to rip and encode the BEP songs...

PARIS LATSIS...ok now this is classy

Awww…this is so sweet. Paris Latsis is acting like a gentleman…he said Phil is the most incredible woman he's ever met in his life…

It's so nice to see people being classy for once.

PARIS HILTON...ok just one more thing, then I'm done

People are reporting that she is keeping the 5 million dollar ring that she had from the Latsis engagement.

Of course she is.

Who do you think paid for it?

The college student? No way would his parents ok him laying out $5 mil for an engagement ring to a brood mare that they haven't approved. And consider the comments that his dad made about him just being a poor college student, not someone who has millions of dollars to spend on crap for his latest infatuation.

PARIS HILTON...Valentino's Take on Her

"She is vulgar and not even pretty. The Hilton's. They have nothing."

-Valentino

Apparently, he was saying that his buddies in the Latsis family echo these sentiments. And shortly after these comments came out, there we are with the breaking off of that engagement.

I bet Paris Hilton got sick of Latsis' family and decided that she couldn't deal with that sh*t.

PARIS HILTON and PARIS LATSIS

I just remembered something…

Now that these two are breaking it off…

Back when they got engaged, people were taking bets on whether they'd actually make it down the aisle.

Hmmmm…I guess the Latsis family's intense dislike of his girlfriend who'd been in her own hardcore porno movie got to both him and PHil.

GWYNETH PALTROW...Yes this is actually a post about Gwyneth...

I read that article in Vogue about Gwyneth Paltrow. Gosh she seems awfully nice. And as Ms. Lauder says, she is like the person that you would like to be…happy in her skin, happy with her life as it is.

JENNIFER LOPEZ...Today's Horoscope

Sheila,
You could get so involved with the details of what's to follow that you are distracted from what's happening now. Your fantasies are growing in importance, so you really need to keep a handle on what is real. Don't get so swallowed up by your own imagination that you lose touch with what matters.

This is so true for me right now. I keep thinking of what things will be like when Phrecklette's gone and I'm thinking only about the positive things. Plus there's the possible bun in the oven, so I guess I've been thinking about that a lot too. It's quite ridiculous actually. Do you know how hard it is for a PCOS victim to get pregnant?

I'm So Good at Giving Advice...

I was thinking maybe that's something I can do for a living. There must be some way to develop that into a living! I can make that dang 5 years of therapy pay off somehow...

So Paris and Paris Are No More...

Whatever…who cares? The blogs called this one long ago.

The blogs also said Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's marriage is a big fat sham….

I guess they're screwed.

BF: The Cat and the Baby...

I think I posted about gNat being mauled by her mom's kitty…seriously mauled.

Well, he talked to his lawyer about it and guess what he can do?

Nothing.

Being a bad mother is not illegal. Accidents with cats don't constitute child abuse or neglect.

He's supposed to document this, document that.
 
Honestly, there is no point. This woman is just good enough of a mother to keep custody of her child. Just like my sister, although she is fairly clueless, is just good enough of a mother to get her daughter back.

 
And I guess that is ok. After all, there is no one right way to parent. Although one person's standard of parenting is lower than another's, that doesn't equate to abuse or neglect. And I know this woman loves her daughter and she is definitely highter-functioning than some other people I know who are getting their child back from the system. So although she may have made a bad judgment, she didn't do it on purpose and was not on drugs, therefore nothing will happen. Maybe nothing should, other than the cat being removed / destroyed. And that is, in fact, what is happening to the kitty.

 
One wonders, though, what the next accident will be.

Dad's Going to a Homeless Shelter and Mom's Outta There

I found out the following tidbits on Saturday:

1. Mom came home and started kicking ass and taking names.

2. Dad will be going to a homeless shelter to dry out and get his life back together sans Mom.

3. They were $2,000.00 behind on their rent.

4. Mom took money out of her 401(k) again and has about $2,000 to spend on moving etc.

5. Mom is moving out of that apartment THIS WEEK with no new place lined up. I guess she'll be staying with my sister for a little bit. I'm trying to help her avoid it. We looked for apartments for her this weekend. She's still not living in the real world and wants to keep that stupid car.

I think the most striking thing is that my Dad is going to a homeless shelter…I just can't believe it. I don't know whether to do something about it or leave well enough alone. He won't be on the street and he'll be getting some help with his drinking problem…not that there's any point as he's already lost everything. Sometimes I wish I could just escape from these people all together and be by myself.

MJ was being nice this morning with curiosity shallowly disguised as concern over my situation with Phrecklette and that this needs to be over for me so I can take care of myself. Like she cares. But I, as usual, have a problem with verbal spew -- I agreed with her and talked a little bit about how I feel about it. It felt good to talk to someone. I almost told her about the rest of the family but I didn't feel the need to…I'm waking up and being an adult and realizing that my life is not for someone else's entertainment.

Mom came over last night and got some boxes…and she filled BF and I in on her latest trouble with my father. I guess he wanted to go up to the gas station and get some more Tums (read: booze). Mom objected and wouldn't let him take the car. So he was trying to leave and things got a bit ugly…my sister was there and she called the police, who told my father that he could not stop Mom from leaving. Surprise surprise.

So anyway, life continues to be crazy.

Phrecklette Went Postal this Weekend

What a loverly weekend!

Or not.

Saturday morning, Phrecklette went to her mom's house for about 2 1/2 hours for parenting skills. All was well and good and she was angelic, until they announced it was time to get ready to leave. Then the proverbial human waste hit the proverbial fan.

From what I understand, Phrecklette ran up to her room, then came out , rather reluctantly. That's an understatement…the family support worker (FSW) carried her out, whilst being beaten and kicked the whole time. Apparently, Phrecklette also took some swings at her mother and landed some there. My sister helped carry FSW's things out to the car and witnessed Phrecklette delivering a 1-2 punch to the FSW in the form of one kick, then another kick to the FSW's face. She didn't stop beating the living daylights out of the FSW until FSW came up with the following:

"DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE IT SO YOU CAN NEVER SEE YOUR MOM AGAIN?"

Phrecklette stopped dead in her tracks, her face crumpled and she started crying really hard. Not sure that was appropriate, but I guess being kicked in the face twice sorta gets to you.

Meanwhile, BF and I had gone out to breakfast alone for the first time in a long time. I was a total you-know-what the whole time. I was unexpectedly upset about Phrecklette's absence. BF couldn't do anything right. It took me some time to get over it. By the time my sister called to let me know what had happened, I was doing alright.

BF and I got home just as the FSW was pulling into the parking lot. I knocked on her window and she got out. Phrecklette was very unwilling to get out. She finally did when BF started counting. But then she ran away…BF caught her.

And then something remarkable happened.

The FSW said…"I can understand why you're done." No one up to this point has validated my decision…at the time I made it, I didn't want to do it, but now I see that I'm doing the right thing.

I decided right then and there this weekend that I have to be very, very firm with her. Phrecklette must have had 10 timeouts in one day at least.

In other news…Janwitch and I took Phrecklette and her little brother to the park on Sunday. That was fun. It's nice to have a friend with a kid Phrecklette's age to take her places and stuff.