Knowing that the head of the department you work in is not happy with you tends to make you very paranoid.
Although, keep in mind that some people who are paranoid have a reason to be. I think that the above-mentioned circumstance is one valid reason.
I usually leave work around 5:30. That's my official end time. Sometimes I leave maybe 2 minutes early, but no earlier than 5 minutes, because, well, to me, that seems way too early to leave without permission. I'm supposed to be answering phones until 5:30 and that's what I usually do.
Anyhoo, tonight, Boyfriend and I were supposed to babysit Niece. She has to be picked up from daycare by 6pm. 5:40 came and went and I was still working on something, so I told Boyfriend to go ahead and pick her up and then just swing back and snag me.
I finished what I was working on and then called Boyfriend. While we were on the phone for 2 minutes discussing something, I brought up a website relevant to the conversation. It just happened to be that moment that Napoleon walked by, and as is his usual MO, he stared at what I was doing while he walked until my computer screen was no longer visible to him.
I hung up with Boyfriend and completed a couple more work tasks that needed doing. One of those included using the copier to scan something for distribution to others. While I was at the copier, Twiggy's phone rang 3 times. I had forgotten to forward it. Napoleon is death on that phone not being answered, which makes sense, as that could be a prospective customer calling. So then I had that error hanging over me. I quickly got my fanny over there and forwarded her phone so it wouldn't happen again Also while I was scanning, immediately after the phone stopped ringing, Napoleon walked by and wouldn't even look at me. Par for the course.
Filled with doubt and paranoia, I finished up, got myself together, and was clocked out by 6pm. I should have headed downstairs immediately after finishing that lingering task so I wouldn't have had anything untoward happen.
I hate knowing that Napoleon dislikes me so much. I know that it's pretty much just business. He thinks I'm a bad employee. To some degree, he's right. Look at what I do with my spare time, right? Plus I named him Napoleon. That's a little disrespectful, right? More than anything, it's just being playful though. But up until recently, I was late all the time and absent a lot too. I had a lot of strikes against me. I've improved a lot, now that I am not in the middle of my family's personal business anymore.
Yet the taint of my past continues to stick to whatever I do, at least for him. It's rubbing off a little every day with the people that I work for and others too. But only consistently phenomenal performance that goes above and beyond will wash it away when it comes to Napoleon.
And weight loss. Napoleon does strike me as the kind of person to hold someone's weight problems against them. His demonstrated personality as observed by me and others leans toward it. But, like I said, consistently good performance can help alleviate those problems. Being fat just makes it stick out more and look worse.
Just thinking about digging myself out of this hole makes me feel tired. I guess I'll have to take it one day at a time and see what tomorrow brings.
Hopefully, it won't bring a pink slip.
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