Friday Update
Was relieved because BF invited me on a 'secretive' date tonight so I can skip therapy. Rescheduled for far, far away.

I don't really want to see Therapist because I am weaning off Prozac and I think she'd disown me if she knew I was still seeing BF. So I don't want to lie about it; I mean what's the point of therapy if you do that?

Anyhoo...he is probably going to take me to a park and show me the planet Mercury, which will be visible with the naked eye tonight. I subscribed to SpaceWeather.com (www.spaceweather.com) so that's how I know. lol. He's trying to be all romantic so I won't spoil it. It's not nice to spoil your BF's proud efforts at being romantic, now is it. It'll be nice to be out of the house without Phrecklette, honestly.

I went to lunch with my friend who blasted me on Wednesday for not 'being there' for her after her surgery. Oh honey get a grip. Let's name her Kay...because she's from Kentucky. Ok so Kay and I go to lunch. We had a good time. She is a good person to keep in my life, but I am, quite honestly, infected with this 'who gives a rat's ass' attitude lately. I like being alone right now. I don't WANT to hang out with friends. I don't want to talk to people or go shopping or anything. Anyway, Kay hardly speaks, people. Not what you would call a party animal. But we have fun nonetheless. I do enough talking for 3 people anyway.

Man she would be pissed if she knew I was seeing BF again. But damnit, it's MY life. Yeah I know I shouldn't be avoiding confrontation by lying but damnit, what am I supposed to do?

These people all think they have a right to be pissed at me for the things I do, which do not harm them. It is because I depended on the approval of others for so long. I made myself vulnerable, know what I mean?

So the lunch was good, there was a huge sale going on right now at a high end department store. I found some nice clothes. A bunch of tops and some pants. That'll be nice -- right now I have one pair that I wear every day and haven't even washed yet. If anyone actually reads this insignificant blog this far, they will sit and wonder if La Phreckle could POSSIBLY be that nice looking chick on my profile. Well folks, that is me indeed.

Hmm...just got off the phone with him - he says we're most likely not going to be outside. MmmmmK.

Also he told me he had found my keylogger. Last night he was all acting like a victim of my invasion of his privacy. Hey got news for you, el creepo. Cheaters don't get privacy. Victims of your frickin cheating have a right to protect themselves. It just totally pisses me off that he thinks he's entitled to jack shit. After all, he was not the one wronged -- that was me.

Microdermabrasion is nice but honestly, it's not a miracle worker. Maybe I need to see how it looks on someone else. I dunno. Maybe I am not pressing hard enough or polishing long enough. Who knows. We'll see.

Thursday Update
Last night BF was with me and said I had a panic attack. I am going off Prozac and am tapering but you still get some withdrawals, I have heard. Well basically, I wanted to work on my crochet project, which I have become greatly involved with, and he wouldn't let me because he wanted my attention. For some reason, that really freaked me out. I HAD to look at that crochet project or I was going to explode. I felt like I absolutely had to.

Today I feel wiped out. He did end up keeping me up late last night. I hope he is not planning to come over tonight because I want to be alone, so no thanks.

He said my heart was racing last night and tried to get me to start smoking!!!! to combat that. I was like, NO PHUCKIN WAY.

So later on I will come back to this 'journal', look at these entries and think, wow, I should dump his ass. We'll see

For today: Acting with courtesy toward myself and other contributes much toward feeling good about myself, and enables me to share it with others.

Wednesday Update
It is Wednesday right? Wow, I can't believe half the week is gone already and it'll be Saturday very soon.

BF is coming over tonight after her kept me up an insanely long time last night. We were having fun kibbitzing back and forth. But gawd! Until 1am? Not good! He promises tonight not to keep me up late. I would prefer he just not come over at all. Harsh huh? But wtf. I want to be alone. Ya know? He made a play this morning to get to use my car today. No dice buddy. Offered to take Phrecklette to daycare and then go back to my place early to clean it up. I declined. No more married schit!

Had lunch with the boss today. Told her I thought she was awesome. No I was not sucking up. It is just the truth. It's hard to find a boss who knows how to treat people with such dignity, respect, and sense of worth. My boss has a good handle on all of those things. She responded in kind, saying that I have been a 'challenge' but that I have come a long way and she really respects how much I have improved. Yippy skippy. Basically, I am not leaving here until I hit my pay ceiling. lol Buuuuuut the cat is outta the bag. I confessed that I don't have much to do anymore with that new automated system in place. So I am sure I will get some new duties. Yippy skippy, not. : )

Well I'm outta here -- gotta go to Wal-Mart and get Phrecklette an Easter dress plus I need to get some little containers so I can demonstrate my Microderm set!!! :)

Tuesday Almost End of Day Update
Ok it's 5:11pm, I'm on phone duty, and have only 19 more minutes to go.

I'm pretty excited about getting off work tonight because I'm going to get my car back from BF!!! OMG he is NOT borrowing it next week. I hate driving his truck. I like my little car. That I scrimped and saved and slaved for and agonized over.

It's the first car owned solely by ME. I picked it out all by myself. It has no body damage that I can see and it's pretty clean. I love my little car.

Ok 2 more minutes have passed...now it's just 17 minutes til I can leave. Make that 12 minutes, because I think I will leave 5 minutes early because I have to put gas in the gas-sucking truck. :)

BF prolly thinks I am just a materialistic snob, but it's more like I just am more comfortable driving my own car! What's wrong with that? He doesn't even like his own truck, so I don't know why he'd feel like I was being snobby. Well who cares if he does think that? It's my frickin car.

I cannot believe how much everyone is going off about how this chick's emails don't wrap on this one group that I subscribe to. Can we all get a grip? Do we need 5 million emails to let us know that it's now wrapping and it's soooo much easier to read? I don't think so!!!

Ok now we're down to 10 minutes til I can leave. Wait, make that 9 minutes...the phone clock says it's 2 minutes later than the computer clock does. :)

I got rock star parking today too.

Gosh it is really too bad that I don't have anything more interesting to say lol. No one's commented on my blog yet. I bet the first comment on my blog will be totally bitchy, from someone going off about how I should use my extra time at work to help save the whales or something.

Tuesday Update

BF came over last night with Gnat. That child is sooo fat, so overfed, it's not even funny. And missing a lot of milestones that she should have done already for a 7 month old. She does not roll over, has no desire to try and support her own weight, lays there with her arms out all the time, will not hold up her own head very often. You can put her on her tummy all you like, but she will just turn her head to the side and lay it down. Ms. Whackjob has already started doing a serious number on her daughter.

Gnat is way way underdeveloped mentally too. She's just all around way behind.

Anyway, I got my baby fix. Got to hold the baby, feed her, and change her. :) Fun :)

Friday Update
It's payday!!!! Thank God! I was so broke. Now I am flush. Woohoo!!!

Called Mr. T yesterday at BF's insistence and told him about Irritato's over-friendly habits. He confided to me that yes, Irritato is over-friendly, yet harmless, also that Irritato is married with a family but has confided to Mr. T that he has a few girlfriends. Well I am not going to be girlfriend number 4. Irritato hasn't been up to bother me lately, so I am happy about that.

But I still need the hole in my ceiling fixed in my bathroom. I'm thinking about telling Mr. T that if it's not done next week, I will have it fixed myself and take the money off the bill while providing him with a receipt.

Hmmm...I actually feel like putting on makeup today. Will do that after I'm done working on my Blog.

Told la Buddha about my blog and she naturally asked if she could have access to it. I naturally said no. She naturally backed right off.

I couldn't resist telling Twiggy about my encounter with Adminzilla yesterday. She loved it. Man, Twiggy really lives on drama and that's pretty contemptible. But I better not say that too loudly -- because I sometimes live on drama too.

Some chick posted on my single parents group that her son's dad sent him a card and she sent it back without letting her son see it. From her other posts, I can see she is a drama queen and that she loves the drama with her son's dad. Anything to hurt her son's dad. Still pissed at him for cheating on her and leaving her. I will get reamed for it, but I posted that I thought it was wrong. If Phrecklette's dad wanted to send Phrecklette a card, I would totally give it to her and I would keep it forever for her. If Phrecklette's dad or mom wanted to see her, I would let them. Why not? You can't protect kids from that. They are going to grow up and the truth is going to come out. It's better and healthier not to live with lies or half-truths (which are really half-lies). You just can't protect them from everything.

This reminds me of Janwitch trying to protect her son from knowing that he has a sister, who is Phrecklette. Well I am not going to be involved in that concealment. Tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

BF came over last night and one thing led to another...and it felt ok at the time, but I do not want to be intimate with him like that all the time. It sure seems to me like he is a lot more interested in coming over to my house and hanging out with me when he thinks he can get some. The reason he came over last night was to fix the hook and eye on my door, though, so I'm not going to level that charge at him yet. I want to make sure I'm right.

He's supposed to come over tonight and actually fix it since his fix from last night did not work -- surprise surprise. He is not the most talented handyman on the planet, that is for sure. I'm thinking about telling him that I'll fix it myself. After all, though he is not very talented, I am. :)

I figured out last night that I was doing my little flowers wrong when I joined them to eachother. Damnit. That's ok. Now that I know exactly what to do, it'll be no problem. :) I can't wait to go to lunch so I can crochet a few more clusters. :) I love learning new things.

Thursday Update
Phrecklette had her appt with the psychiatrist yesterday, who detected that she could have some speech problems. I'll be calling the public school people to get that worked on.

Picking Phrecklette up from la Petite yesterday at naptime was awesome. There she was, all snuggled up in her blankie that I made for her, and there was classical music playing and it was just serene. All these little children and babies snuggled up sleeping. Wow, how peaceful.

Last night BF came over and things were good. Not going any further than that.

Today has started out ok. I woke up with Phrecklette in my bed, unexpectedly. That was ok, but she was going off about how I'm not the boss of her and she really didn't want to do a damn thing I said. But we managed to get off to school and to work, and I managed to be on time again. So that was good.

I was helping Adminzilla with something - some firedrill for the COO - today and she pissed me off royally. I was telling her how to do something and she goes, I really don't appreciate the way you're talking to me here Sheila. It's very degrading. At first I didn't know what to say. I vacillated between telling her to bloody figure it out herself and phuck off, and taking her head off. I finally dropped the pen I was holding on her desk after I collected my thoughts and I just said, "Don't you ever talk to me like that again. I didn't say one damn degrading thing and it's very offensive that you would ever think that about me." And man she apologized right then and there and is now feeling guilty. She actually gets embarrassed because she doesn't know every bloody thing there is to know about PowerPoint. I tried to tell her that there is no reason to be embarrassed, that her computer skills are about 10x better than her boss's anyway, and that we are all learning here.

There's no reason to be embarrassed about not knowing how to do something on the computer -- no one knows how to do things until someone teaches them. After all, it's not moral turpitude or something that has caused you to not know something. No one knows everything.

In any case, she apologized up and down for it and I accepted her apology. After all, we all know that her self esteem is in the shitter because some creep destroyed it. I'm not sure if she's in counseling or not, but it wouldn't hurt.

So many people are get themselves all confused and worked up because they're afraid of what other people will think. I do it too. Well we need to stop. Pick what personality characteristic is really important to you to work on projecting, and don't stress about the rest. Try to know that it will all come together one day and that you are a work in progress.

As I am feeling charitable today, I have decided not to be gossipy and to keep this to myself. After all, she did make satisfactory amends, so it seems really terrible to vent this to anyone in the office, although it still bothers me. Well today is lunch with la Buddha, so I will just vent to her. But I don't want to hurt Adminzilla's reputation.

Quote of the Day

How do your current goals help you with your OVERALL vision of life? Do you have
a vision? If not, simply take time this evening to dream about how you want your
life to be. Then, come up with 5 specific goals that will help your vision
become true.

Interpretation of Quote

A New Irritation with BF
So BF calls me today. He was supposed to go over to my apartment and drill out a hole to use for the old-school deadbolt that is in my front door. That way, Irritato, who now has a key to my front door, will not be able to get in my apartment at night when I am sleeping and helpless. Well I forgot to leave the door open.

We're talking and he suggests that he come up and get the key from me while he is applying for a job at a hospital nearby, which I poo-poo because I am leaving at 1pm to take Phrecklette to her evaluation with Dr. Louisa today. Well BF is totally against Phrecklette having any counselling at all. He thinks it's unnecessary because she is only 4. But you know what...just because a 4 yr old doesn't understand intellectually what is going on around her while she's being abused and neglected, that doesn't mean that she doesn't feel the effects. The bottom line is that BF just doesn't believe in therapy...for anyone. Me, him, Phrecklette, whatever. Soooo when he finds this out, he's like, Please, honey, don't subject her to that, blah blah. I have another one of those moments where I'm like totally pissed for some reason but I can't put my finger on it. Basically, I feel that he has no say in the matter. He goes on that I need to make sure that I am doing this for Phrecklette and not for me; basically, I need to make sure it is all about Phrecklette.

Well guess what buddy. I know you haven't necessarily suffered abuse and neglect, but it phucks you up for life. It takes a long time to figure out that you're worth anything when your mom and dad obviously could not figure out that you were worth taking care of. Depression runs in our family and it's important to get help for this child before it hits. Hopefully, we'll get lucky and it won't hit at all. But if it does, you do not want this little girl self-medicating. What would be self-medicating, you may ask? That would be doing drugs, alcohol, eating too much, shopping too much -- basically no moderation on the activity that produces the emotional effect of your choice -- whether that is euphoria, numbness, or distraction. Sometimes it's a combination of things.

He just really ruffled my feathers with that one, because I feel that he doesn't know what the phuck he's talking about, and he is intruding on my territory...I feel like this is my bloody decision and I am doing what's best for Phrecklette.

I guess that kinda speaks to one of the stumbling blocks of our relationship -- that we have very different views on raising children. His views are very old-school. Mine are a combination of old-school and what works without shaming the kid. I feel like what we do as parents can affect that kid's personality for life, and we need to make sure we are neither too permissive nor too disciplinarian. It must all be balanced. Naturally, I feel that my style is more balanced than his.

It is just amazing to me how people can be raised differently, but how stimuli affects people in very predictable ways. It amazes me how much you can tell about how someone was raised by the way they act. And I am talking about indicators that go beyond whether someone is naughty or nice. You can tell that BF was raised with someone in that family as an alcoholic. He's avoided many of the effects, but there are some definite markers in his family. His sister married 2 abusive men, is mui codpendent, and has hardly ever been without a boyfriend. His dad is always drinking beer and his complexion is redder than a tomato. BF himself abused his first wife...and I know he is working on it. And although it's not apparent at first, there are indicators that BF's brother is at least verbally and mentally abusive to his children and to his wife. BF definitely needs to figure this crap out before he and I ever get even close to getting married. I don't want my children turning out phucked up.

His parents were definitely more higly-functioning than mine, having bought 2 houses and having actually been able to retire, but there are some of the very same problems present and accounted for. They did a better job of raising their kids -- their daughter owns her own business and is high-functioning, BF's brother owns a house, has 3 kids, and holds down a steady job. BF manages his money ok and holds down a steady job. So the kids turned out semi-alright. But their personal lives are very screwed up. It's really pretty fascinating how human behavior works.

Adminzilla Update
Who is Adminzilla? Well, she is the control freak who was hired to be the exec assistant to our EVP and couple other VPs in our department.

She's basically pissed everyone off at one time or another, including me. I think she doesn't realize that you have to keep good relationships with the people around you at your job...because those aren't just 'people'...they're resources. They are people whose help you are going to need at some point.

Anyway, Adminzilla flipped out on me right before Christmas or New Year's because I didn't take some stupid tray back downstairs after a client visit. She acted like the cleaning people were going to make off with it. It was kinda funny, in retrospect. But she even had the audacity to get in my face about it, and I had to tell her, Look dear, it's not that big a deal. And she made it sound like my supervisor thought that it was and I was afraid she was going to tattle to my sup. That's the cornerstone experience that I am building my working relationship around with her. ie...I'm treading lightly and avoiding her as much as possible...and I'm considering the source of everything she says and does.

Twiggy has a total vendetta against her and loves to drum up drama about her. There was a client visit this morning for one of the 19 directors that I support and so I was naturally going to handle it. But the thing is that 2 of the VPs that Adminzilla supports were involved, so she was having a control conniption. This is where 5 years of therapy comes in. When someone is having a control problem and it's not really that important that you maintain control over whatever it is, then just cede control. You will feel so much better and so will she. So that's what I did. She took over and that was that. I do zillions of client visits a year and I'm not thrilled with that part of my job, so letting someone else do it is just fine with me.

But Twiggy was in full drama mode and was enjoying gossiping against her, so whatever. I just listened and whatnot, in the interest of maintaining an ok relationship with Twiggy and not making myself become a subject of her gossiping any more than I already am. She gossips about everyone, so I just shrug it off and try to avoid talking to her any more than is necessary to maintain an ok relationship with her.

My turn to play psychologist: I think that Adminzilla's control issues stem from the abusive marriage that she was in for years and years and the endless criticism that she endured. She is terrified of making a mistake or doing anything to earn her any more criticism. She confided to me that her exH had her feeling so bad about herself that she could not look in the mirror. Knowing that and understanding that about her allows me to shrug off a lot. Thanks Therapist!

Wednesday Update:

Today is Phrecklette's appointment with Dr. Louisa -- the supervising psychiatrist in her therapist's office. Yippy skippy. This means more lost hours for me.

Checking account was in the red this morning when I awakened...I rescued it from collapse by transfusing $14.00 into it...more yippy skippy. Payday is only 2 days away. Thank God. Accoring to my MS Money software, I'm about $38 in the hole. Oh dear...I think I fell off the budgeting bandwagon...time to climb back on.

I had a nice talk with BF last night. I talked about how he is the only person encouraging me to be myself. I am so afraid to cede control in the smallest way to anyone else, honestly. The idea of actually taking a suggestion of his is loaded with fear, in my mind. It's like if I do that, I will be letting him have control over me, or admitting something that I don't want to admit. I only have this problem with men. And only, really, since I had that nightmare of a marriage to my exH.

Speaking of my ex-marriage, I sometimes have regrets about leaving the marriage, and I wonder if I was the problem...but I know that I have to try and remember that I was not the problem, I was just a part of it. And I was the part that was trying to fix itself, while the other part of the problem was saying there was nothing wrong with him. I remember how, at the beginning of the marriage, he was always criticizing me over everything I did and yelling at me left and right...watching the food I ate, controlling where I went and what I did. How he never cut the apron strings from his mom and how she was always in our life way too much. I have to keep remembering things, because something in me keeps rearing its ugly head and telling me that it was all my fault. My therapist says that my exH will never have a successful relationship, and I have to keep remembering why.

I noticed that BF is keeping his distance. I think he is trying to help me. He is trying to help me make sure that we are getting back together for the right reasons -- not just because I hate being alone. Last night I was having a depressing evening -- just feeling like crap. I got on the phone with him, and he made me feel a lot better. He is the last person I talk to before I go to sleep at night. I'm glad that I have him to talk to. Our relationship is a lot better with no sex involved, I am noticing. I sent him an email about it this morning...

I really enjoyed our talk last night. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm so thankful that you are in my corner, giving me honest feedback. I don't know why I am so afraid sometimes to take your suggestions…I don't have that problem with any of my girlfriends…it's like if I admit that you are right about anything, then I will be giving up a part of me. I remember when I was married before…when I first got married, I was very amenable to compromise.
But as time went on, he made me feel so bad about myself that the only way I could preserve my identity is by resisting anything he said or suggested. I think that that is lingering in my new relationships.

I am really glad that we are just taking our time and that you are keeping your distance. Sometimes it doesn't feel so hot to have all this time to myself, but I think you know what is good for me. And I think our relationship is developing better now that there is no messing around going on. Because it is developing in different, more creative, and more lasting ways.

So that's the skinny on our relationship.

Today's Quote to Ponder:

We all get report cards in many different ways, but the real excitement of what you're doing is in the doing of it. It's not what you're gonna get in the end - it's not the final curtain - it's really in the doing it, and loving what I'm doing.
-- Designer Ralph Lauren

So the natural question that follows that quote is: What do I love to do? What makes me feel really good?

I love taking care of Phrecklette. Helping a child grow up, and teaching them things, and watching them learn how to be a good person, is SO fulfilling. Helping other people is so fulfilling. I love doing MK, it's so much fun when I am working it. But having your own business is a lot of work...it's very hard to compartmentalize it when you're done working it at the end of the day. It's not like leaving your office job...you leave that job and you don't think about it for the rest of the night -- because you know it will be there when you come back the next morning.

I love being creative. Working on my little crochet projects, etc. Finding bargains is a ton of fun.

But the thing that is the absolute most rewarding thing is helping someone else. It helps me in return. That's where I get the most satisfaction. Watching Deirdre grow and learn. I was talking to Mama L (my friend with 6 kids) yesterday and we were talking about how, if you're going to do raising a family right, then you really don't have time for anything else. You really don't have time to work a job. You don't have time to work a Mary Kay business. If you're going to do it right, that is. She's pretty dissatisfied with her director. I'm not surprised, since her director is a total bitch. I've never liked her. There's just something 'off' about her. Her director is all about MK and is not interested in Mama L's life at all.

On My Mary Kay Pulpit...
Well that's not too surprising. Your director in MK is not going to be your best friend. She has a business to run and you are part of that business. So there are boundaries there. The problem is that when Mama L's director recruited her, she made it sound like they were going to be 'best friends' and stuff. She misrepresented, sort of. Friendships like that can be made in MK, but you are not going to be friends that closely with just anyone. You are not going to have true friendships left and right -- the friends in MK are, for the most part, going to be 'business friends'. You will meet quality people, but as at any job, not every quality person you meet is going to become a close personal friend whom you can lean on and who will respect your choices.

Mary Kay is awesome for women. You need that sort of positive influence in your life. But the challenge that many people face is 'keeping it real'. ie...don't become fakey. My director is still authentic. She's down-to-earth and you know where you stand with her. She has that ability to really treat everyone with grace and she knows where her energies are best focused.

Tuesday Update

Well tonight is my MK meeting. I'm not going. This is in spite of a direct order from La Buddha, who is getting on my nerves because of her tendency to be controlling.

I am noticing the controlling aspect of her personality more since BF pointed it out. Really, she is pretty controlling. But I am someone who needs some of that. I am someone who sometimes needs a kick in the ass. Even so, when she gets to telling me that 'the expectation' (ie her expectation) is that I will never speak to BF again, that is getting to be a bit much.

I have learned that she should only be consulted on practical matters -- like ideas for budgeting, what should my next step be on this, how should I go about making more friends, how and where should I go about volunteering, how to decorate my apartment, how to manage my time better, things to do around town that are creative, resources for this or that. You get the idea. When she tries to talk to me about BF or things like that, I don't cut her off, because that would be rude, but I do answer the question, and then I change the subject. I have decided that if she does not want to be a true friend, which I would define as someone who can still be your friend even though you have different opinions and you choose to do different things that are not harmful to your friends but which may be harmful to you, then I am not going to share with her things that I would normally share with a girlfriend.

Furthermore, I'm just not sharing that stuff with anyone, really. Sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut, but I really think it is better than wearing my heart on my sleeve because when you wear it like that, everyone thinks they have the right to intrude...and guess what? They do have that right. You've given it to them. You've opened the door, so to speak.

All of this introspection ties into the thought of the day from www.morningmantra.com. Here it is:

Externally driven people care a lot about what people think of them, looking good, saying the right thing and being accepted. They are constantly at the whim of outside forces and rarely feel peaceful or authentic. WHO CARES if someone thinks you are weird , dress funny or have an odd idea? Be internally driven and care most about what YOU think of you. Please yourself, not everyone else in the world.

Alrighty then. It pleases me to live, right now, in an old Victorian building. Right now, it pleases me to focus my life on taking care of Niece so I can feel good about what I'm accomplishing with her, and so I can fulfill my duty to her. It pleases me to date BF. It pleases me to sew, to crochet, to hang out on the 'Net sometimes, and to enjoy the weather when it's nice out. It pleases me to wean myself off Prozac. BF is about the only person who thinks I should do what I want in this regard. Many things please me that other people in my life may not like. Well, too bad for them.

They are constantly at the whim of outside forces and rarely feel peaceful or authentic.

No wonder I don't have much peace. I am too busy worrying about what La Buddha is going to think, or what my therapist is going to think, or what BF is going to think, or what this board that I'm on is going to think. Normal people who haven't been in therapy this long do not think this way.

What do *I* think of me?
I think I'm doing ok. Especially considering where I came from in my life. I think I will evolve as years pass and that I am doing the best that I can right now. Every day I will learn more and I am open to that. I am excited about it.

One thing I've learned is that if I am associated with someone who gets on my nerves, to just cut them off. Like, at work, the receptionist used to really get on my nerves. I'm her counterpart. We'll just call her Twiggy, because she's mui skinny lol. Although baby does have back lol. So Twiggy used to seriously get on my nerves. Now I just don't talk to her unless I must. We get along great.

I was on this board talking about getting off Prozac and it totally wasn't a healthy place to be. So I unsubscribed and wrote that off. I was on a single-parents board and the owner of the list got on my nerves because she was trying to shove BS down everyone's throat. So I left. When people are being truly toxic, I think about whether I can help them. But if I can't, and if it's more aggravation than it's worth, I just write them off. I know that sounds terrible. But believe me, you could spend all your energy and all your time trying to help someone and you will know if you are being listened to or not. And if you're not being listened to, then you are wasting your breath. Well, I'm tired of wasting my breath. If someone wants help and they want to listen, then I will help them. But if they are just toxic and they're not in the self-improvement groove at all, then I know that I don't have the resources to help them and they would best be served by someone else who does. :) So I just free them to find that person. : ) See?

And I think my blog is an excellent place for me to talk about what I'm learning.