I am not very often inspired to write in my blog anymore. But an update is sometimes required to satisfy the lone reader of my blog.
Frankly, now that the custody stuff is over and the wee one's been adopted, I might just make the blog public again. Perhaps that will inspire more frequent updates, who knows?
I wrote so much better when I was depressed and bitter. The wit flowed right out of my fingertips into the blog. It was amazing.
So I have this new boyfriend. I guess he's not new anymore, since we've been together for nine months now. He is the Mackistani.
The Mackistani is athletic and he wants me to join him in his athletic adventures. I have lost weight but not enough to put on a cute little tennis outfit and run around the court yet. The Mackistani loves tennis.
So he proposes yesterday that we go for an adventure in snowboarding at a local ski area. Oh dear. Wanting to be a sporting type, I agree that it's a *great* idea and, boy, what an adventure that will make!
We suit up and program the GPS and off we go to Mt. Crescent Ski Area in loverly Crestent, Iowa.
Upon arriving, we note that it appears a little run down. We get out of the car and also note that it's notably more frigid here in loverly Crescent, IA. Personally, I was enthralled at being someplace so athletic. There's even snow machines and skiers, which I've only seen on TV! Wow!!!
We depart from the car and walk on up into the 'lodge'. Upon entering, I noted that it was more than a little stinky. This place was amazingly well run-down. The windows were gross, the carpet was worse, and the tables and chairs looked like they came from the breakroom of a greasy telemarketing operation.
The Mackistani uses me as his mouthpiece as he is convinced that his South Asian looks and bearing will probably earn him some discrimination and a bad price to boot. I go up to the desk and talk to the friendly guy there and we eventually sign up for snowboarding lessons, which take about an hour and a half. We sign waivers stating that we understand that snowboarding is a VERY DANGEROUS SPORT. Clue, anyone? After sitting for a while and eating some fries, we go downstairs to get our equipment.
I immediately notice that the ski boots guarantee that your calves will burn, because they are set at an angle and your leg is braced at that angle. I also noted that all the skiers and snowboarders are in good shape and that they have helmets and goggles on. Hmmm. However, I'm delighted that my shoe size is small enough for me to be in the world of normalcy. That is, I can rent a pair of ski boots and be ok. I was also delighted that it was easier for me to figure out the boots than the Mackistani. So there!!!
All suited up and equipped with snowboards, Mack notes that we should go out there and start getting used to our snowboards. Yeah, he's like a kid in a candy shop. I am more like a deer in the headlights. We go out and affix the deathb....I mean snowboards...to our feet. Some happy go lucky dude shows up and I go 'Are you our instructor?' 'Yep, I'll be your instructor for today!' And he starts to instruct us. Seemed like he was the instructor, right? He was INSTRUCTING. I thought he was the instructor, what would you think?
So Mr. Instructor starts INSTRUCTING us outside. First thing he tells us is to make sure that we have the right foot on the right part of the board. We can either be regular footed or goofy footed. WTF? We both discover that we are regular footed. So we have our feet affixed to these things and we slide/fall down the ramp toward the lifts. Neither of us have been on a lift before. We get up there and the lift comes up behind me so I sit down. Soon we're starting to lift off and I look down after I hear Mack screaming. One of his hands is holding onto the lift seat for dear life and his little cherubic face is looking up at me from the ground as he's being dragged!!!! I'm like, "Oh no!' and the lift stops. Mack scrambles onto the seat. We're both happy that we've survived this. Whew!
So we get up there and a sign on the shack says something about preparing to get off the lift. Oh great. Perfect! We step off the lift and prepare to go down this little slide. We both end up flopping onto the ground and soon find a way to get up. I now have a huge shiner on my left leg which is, as I write this 24 hours later, giving off heat!
Here we are at the top of the hill...two people who can barely stay on the snowboards and we're about to go down the same hill that the other skiers go down. The 'instructor' affixes the snowboard to my other foot. I end up snowboarding down the hill at an incredible speed, trying to turn, and then get turned around backward and ending up slamming onto my back with my head bouncing off the snow.
So while Mack and the 'instructor' are up there laughing at me, I'm laying on the ground staring at the sky and I have a moment to ponder this. Should I continue to try and snowboard, which, as I have previously explained, is a VERY DANGEROUS sport? Or should I quit, as I am quite clearly injured?
At this time, I realize that I am now injured and so this will be it for me.
Mack is still trying to get down the hill and trying to learn and he's making progress. That little athlete. I walk down the hill in those hellish f*cking skiboots and am so grateful to finally make it to the lodge, exhausted and seriously hurting. I get the d*mn things off and try to sit down. Luckily, my back is not so injured as to make it impossible to sit. It's just hard to get up and sit down. Movement is a challenge.
Today, the day afterward, my neck and shoulders are stiff as boards, but with the help of ibuprofen, I can move around and not suffer too much. Yay!!!
And, honestly, snowboarding looks fun. I just need to get the hang of it. I am losing weight right now and though it might not be a good idea right at this time, maybe I could snowboard when I more fit. And healed from my injuries.
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