Shrinking Worlds...

My main concern right now, which I'm not sure how to solve but which I am getting closer to a solution to day by day, is that of the shrinkage of my world. I was going to say my world and the Mackistani's. Did I mention he lives with us? He does indeed.

The Mackistani used to love going to the gym, playing tennis, and stuff like that. Lately, he just comes home, waits for me to make dinner, and watches TV. D usually either tries to tickle him or irritate him, depending on her mood. I'm not saying that's bad in terms of why isn't he helping me or something. I'm saying that this cannot be helping how he feels about himself.

So last night after D goes to bed, we're sitting there watching TV.

Sick of watching TV, I say, 'You know what honey?'

'What?'

'Watching TV is boring. It makes me feel old, like I have no life, like I'm 40 and I'm just killing time until bedtime rolls around.'

'Ok, so let's shut off the TV and go to bed.'

'No, I don't want to go to bed.'

'You want me to talk to you?'

'Yes?'

'Ok, what do you want me to talk about?'

'I don't know, pick something.' Then I remembered something I'd wanted to tell him about -- two middle-aged people who were playing tongue wrestle in their ginormous gas-guzzling old Caddy in traffic today at a stoplight. Another nasty reminder that even the less-than-beautiful people still get jiggy. Never mind that we are both members of the less-than-beautiful-people party. Actually, the Mackistani told me one night, 'Honestly, you are much prettier than me.' Awww, he knows exactly what to say. :)

So then we talked for a while. We finally went to bed. But I am still thinking about this. Life doesn't feel like living unless you have plenty of human connections and self-actualization. IE You make your dreams and your wants into an actuality rather than them remaining forever a fantasy. When we're just coming home everyday, watching TV until we fall into a coma, we're wasting our lives and our time. We're not doing anythng useful except numbing out. It's like after D goes to bed, we just sit there. While she's up, things are much more lively. But at the same time, where is the love there? I don't feel all that connected then either. I mean, I feel connected to the Mackistani and to D, but we're not connecting by doing things together. I'm not sure how to put it, but I feel like something is being revealed here and I'm slowly approaching what it means. I'm getting closer to the answer.

I guess I know the answer -- turn off the dang TV. Watch one show, then turn it off and do something together, something meaningful, or at least something that feels less boring and less like we're waiting to die. Even if it's playing Candyland or Monopoly.