Maxine

My father is the 2nd youngest of nine children. His family lives on the West Coast and he has a decent relationship with them. Therefore, I also have a decent relationship with them. My mom is  the second oldest of 14…and she does not have a decent relationship with her family. I have a relationship with some members of her family, namely my Uncle Dougie. Whom she named. Whom he resents for same.

Just kidding.

Anyway, the point is that I get these joke emails from my dad's family. And as far as I can tell, I am the youngest of the first cousins. The other first cousins are anywhere from 40 to 60. I am 30. See?

This, then, would explain why I receive flippin Maxine emails left and right. You know Maxine, right? Emails about Maxine are usually stuff like, 'I have five boyfriends. One of them is named Charlie Horse. He takes a lot of my time and attention while he's here. Then there's Art Ritis. Then at the end of a long day, I go to bed with Ben Gay.'

How much more need I say? I'm 30. I don't have arthritis. I don't need Ben Gay after weeding a garden, although I don't actually have a garden to weed. I'm so tempted to tell my cousins to quit sending me Maxine jokes, but you know at least they're sending me something, right? Family is family.