Update

Well there's not really a whole lot to update. Since D's med change, she has been so much better. Life is about 100x easier. Thank you God for making me listen to the psychiatrist. What I don't get, though, is that she is on so many meds...oh wait, it's only two meds, just broken into many different pills. Anyway, D's therapist told me that the psychiatrist is being conservative with meds. I thought that seemed odd. I feel like D's on a lot of stuff. Mind you, this is mind-altering shit. It's not just tylenol or something. We're talking about Zoloft and Risperdal.

Sometimes I am conflicted about using meds to help D...but the alternative is not workable in our lives. I don't have a partner to help me parent this child and I don't have the resources to stay home with her. So we do the best we can do.

Meanwhile, I am trying to fire the Mackistani as my higher power. I felt so out of sorts this weekend when he first left...and a friend of mine pointed out that it was probably because my god was out of town. I did indeed find myself questioning how I do virtually everything, wondering if it met his approval or not. I don't think anyone would find that attractive. I certainly wasn't like that when we first started dating.

And doing all that worship of the Mackistani certainly is wreaking havoc on my program and on my food. So I need to correct that. My inner voice says, '...before I start gaining weight.' God says, 'Stop worrying about your weight and start working on your relationship with me and with yourself.'

Which brings me to my next question...is it worship to get all happy when he says he missed me last night? Or is that just normal? Am I being codependent when I say I can't wait till he's back? :)

Anyhoo, it's time to get in bed and prep for tomorrow with some journalling. Nighty night.