Once upon a time, I was dating people. Looking for Mr. Right. Well I went on a date with this Puerto Rican guy, he was a major in the air force. Severely smart, extremely educated. Let's name him the Mambo King before we go forward. That's what he was called when he was younger because boy can dance. He loves Latin dancing.
So the Mambo King was a DEVOUT Catholic. We went on a date and it was cool. He was trying to touch my hand and I thought that was ok. He wasn't the best looking fella in the world but not ugly either.
After that date, we didn't go out again although we talked a lot on Yahoo. I'm not sure what disqualified me from the running but I was definitely disqualified. He started dating some girl who had health problems. Ay mi! Did I spell that right?
She was just as Catholic and in love with Jesus and churching as he was. Match made in heaven right? Oh and she was educated too.
So the Mambo King and I talked a lot but not much came from it. It was like some kind of crazy dance. I moved on and dated around and had fun living my life.
One day, the Mambo King let me know that he had proposed to wife #2.
What happened to wife #1, you say? Well, the Mambo King had married her, become dissatisfied with the marriage, and visited someone he knew online. Now he didn't sleep with the visitee, but his wife wasn't happy about it. At all. And felt she couldn't trust him any longer. Yes, this does have a bearing on the story.
So Mambo King gets engaged. But wife #2 ain't putting out. Supposedly, he's cool with that. Yeah right. Suddenly, he's wanting to have steamy conversation. They weren't married yet, and he was expressing doubt about things, so I didn't really care. Keep in mind that I was a different person back then. Plus I was crushing on him. I know that excuses nothing. Moving on....
So one night, he invites me over. And guess what happens? Well, almost happens. Because he sort of broke down crying in the middle. Because he is Catholic and it went against everything he believes in.
Or doesn't believe in. Or does. Or doesn't. Or isn't sure about. Or might believe in, but might not.
SEE THE PROBLEM?
This dude can't make up his mind about a damn thing. LOL. I know it's not nice to laugh at people in torment but God can forgive me this once. Right God?
So that was the end of the Mambo King. Back in 2004, before I started dating Ex.
Now fast forward to last week. Guess who finds me on Facebook? And who got married in 2005 and is now living in DC and still in the Air Force? That's right. It's his royal highness, Mr. Hips himself, the Mambo King.
So my gut told me right away what it was that he wanted -- a renewal of the steamy conversation. He's so transparent. But I thought, well maybe he just wants to be friends. What's wrong with that? Nothing, Miss Bullshit 2008.
So on Saturday we're chatting, about politics, religion, and I'm like, you seem awfully lonely. Guess what? As predicted, the Mambo King's marriage is sucking ass, and not in a good way. There is a problem in the leaving-the-house-together department. There is a problem in the sex department. He doesn't say it right out, but it's pretty apparent, since he starts referring to that one 'intimate night together'. Oh lord. Someone's needs are not being met. Why else look outside the marriage?
And I'm not saying it's her fault. It's not. Takes two to tango, and you shouldn't be looking outside your marriage to get your needs met. You stay put and you deal. You don't wuss out and try to find another source.
"Well, I think about it sometimes too, but that was a long time ago and it's in the past now."
--- SILENCE. ---
The Mambo King is now apologizing for having bothered me. He had told me it had taken him two days to decide whether to contact me or not. That was a big clue. Skeeeeeeve.
And so it goes. Where once he was always online on Yahoo and visible to me, he no longer is. He has disappeared...whether that's because he decided he was on a bad path or because he realized he would have to find greener pastures in order to find someone to wuss out with, I don't know.
See what I mean about being different now? I am *not* going to help him wuss out. I'm not going to become some cybersex partner for this cheating confused fool who can't be honest with himself. Sorry, he lost out a long time ago and that's that. I have someone to be true to and I will not choose to fuck it up.
I feel really sorry for the Mambo King. He chose wrong. I warned him before he chose her that he was wrong but he didn't want to listen. He always complained about her health problems, that she didn't want to go dancing, etc. That she wasn't passionate or affectionate. And now look.
Honestly, it's a lesson for me too. I too need to listen to the red flags and not think I can settle for something less than what I need and want. Some things can be compromised on. Some things can't. Don't settle when it comes to the things you can't really compromise on.
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