So Complicated...

The Mack called me today from sunny Orlando where he is currently vacationing and searching for a new job from. And doing nothing.

He sounded really sad. Apparently, he has noticed since 9/11 that people don't like folks who seem like they might be middle eastern. He reasons that this must be why he seems to offend people everywhere he goes and why it seems like he's being picked on.

Don't you hate it when someone you love is feeding themselves a line of crap? A line of crap which you know makes them victims and thus incapable of hope, because they can't change other people, they can only change themselves?

I realized something tonight. The reason the Mack travels so much, moves around so much, is that he's running from things. He handles his business life well, he's very good at that and pretty inspiring, in fact, but he is always looking for something to fix him. When nothing ever works, he's outta there. He can't figure out why he can never find the solution or why his solutions don't work. And why his plans don't work. He's running on self will alone and the feelings he's trying to avoid that stem from some things that happened to him, which I will not disclose, are only going to get worse.

I'm no expert on this, but I've been there and it pretty much sucks. It's isolating. You can never just be one of the crowd. You're always trying to 'self-improve' but in all the wrong ways. Reading all the self-help books. Trying a new workout regimen. Listening to the quack that tells you that you need to eat a certain way for your blood type and buy supplements. All the things that never amount to anything except money spent and time wasted and a great amount of isolation. A good bout of crying would do people a whole lot more good than many of these self-help books and programs. I feel sad for him....he can't cry. Seriously, he is that shut down.

It's not complicated. The problem is usually you. Which is great. Because then there's hope. Cause you can change yourself. You can't change anything else. It's when we start over-complicating it that we don't get anything done. I even wonder why I'm taking his inventory. I wonder what I'm trying to avoid. I think I'm alright though.

We talked about it some tonight. I didn't out and out tell him that he's the architect of his problems, he is not really ready to hear that yet, but we did talk about that anti depressants aren't going to fix it, that adderall won't fix it, and that he's got to go to counselling. He said he's going to go. We'll see if he actually does.

I don't feel that this means a whole lot for our relationship. What I mean by that is that, yes, he's got problems. That doesn't mean we're going to break up. But these are the things that lead up to addictions. A lot of alcoholics, pill poppers, and drug users didn't start their addictions till later in life, when the pain got too bad to deal with anymore and they needed a fix. So, he's got to do something. I can't fix him either.