Prisonhood

I hate sharing a car with my husband. He's not evil and I'm not whining but I always feel like I must stay home in case he needs the car or risk receiving an irate call stating that I'm getting in the way of his business or something.

I want to go to the library, I'd like to go the park. It would be nice to just drop in at my friend's house and I am planning to go to a meeting today at 4pm. This all is just fine when we each have a separate car, but when we're sharing, it's a nightmare. My perception is that all needs are then subordinated to what my husband wants. Soooooo irritating!!

I don't want to be dropped of here or there. I don't want to have to wait for a ride or depend on someone else. I want to be independent. I think I'll call a friend and rant. Man this is so depressing.

There is Something About South America

Where does the coca leaf come from? South America.

Where does marijuana come from (besides Nebraska ditches...just roll with me here)? South America.

And, now, where does Damiana come from, which is found innnn...K2 incense. Not intended for human use!!!!!!!! all over the label. It's incense, you hear me? Incense!! Not grass! Not anything like marijuana!! INCENSE!!!!!!! I don't even know why you're asking about that!

Moving on.

I'm kind of starting to think that South Americans are plotting against us. No, not through illegal immigration, all you beautiful, loving Christians. :) No, no.

Because the aboriginal tribes aren't actually tribes of Native Americans.

They are tribes of professional spotters of potentially intoxicating herbs.

I've figured it out. South America hides its true intention from us and keeps us in its thrall by dressing up their professional product testers in leaves, beads, feather, teeth, bones, and strange hairdos. Yes.

That is why most of the good drugs seem to come from South America. Damiana is the new one. It's the main ingredient in that new product, K2 incense. Incense. Anyway, I guess damiana makes you want to have relations or do your relations better or something. Not talking about your cousins.

But I have an idea that would improve K2. I have an idea for a drug that Americans will kill for, start wars for, assassinate leaders of sovereign nations for!

Find a drug that's all black or something, then name it Crude Oil or Petroleum!!!! You could come up with some kind of concept about how fast it'll make you go or how it's only a dollar a gallon. You'd sell that shit like hotcakes, seriously. People would line up for blocks.

Money Twubble

It appears I may not be good with money. Well, actually, that is no surprise. I never have been good with money. At all.

So today I decided to put almost all my money in the joint checking account to help cover household expenses. Hubby then takes it and pays bills and stuff. He is very good with money. He barely spends any, except on things that you have to - like fixing the car, groceries, family stuff, that kind of thing. He is good at saving and almost always eats at home.

I love to eat out, go to the movies, avoid cooking, buy new baubles to craft with, you name it. Almost everything I do involves spending some money, I have noticed.

I have noticed this because without having as much money in my checking account, it seems my options are quite limited. They are limited, if my favorite thing is spending money, which it appears to be!!

This is surprising. I didn't think I was that spendy. But I am. I'm very spendy. Without money in my pocket, I don't want to go much of anywhere. There's no adventure in it; no money to spend, no good time to be had.

So I am finding ways to be content at home. I'm reading books from the library. I'm cooking and in fact, cooking well. Hubby is really happy with my progress in Pakistani cooking.

My knife skills are improving. I'm working on my for-profit blog, http://lesscookingstuff.blogspot.com. I put videos and pictures on it. I cross-link it like mad and visit other cooking blogs, where I make comments. I'm hoping someone will click on some of the ads that I have on the blog, or perhaps order something from Amazon.

On Sunday, Mother's Day, we are having my mom and sister over. I pray that it goes well. I am looking forward to it and at the same time in fear of it. My sister's still crazy and so am I, and so is Deirdre.

I'm still in school. I don't "love" school anymore though, hahaha, now it's more like a job. I'm considering getting a part time job and working part time. The Reader has contacted me about a part time opportunity they may have coming up. I'm considering going for it.

And, finally, I want to take this blog public again. So I'm going through old posts and editing them. There are over 800 entries, can you believe that? Going through these old posts is helpful to me...I see that I'm not as pathetic as I thought I was. Sometimes I cuss a blue streak, but my reasoning and stuff actually doesn't seem too bad. I don't seem half as crazy as I actually was. :)

Lately it seems I am becoming more and more like a nice Pakistani wife. My main goal each day is to see what I can do today to strengthen my marriage. What can I do to make my husband feel loved and appreciated? Usually, the answer is "make something super good for dinner" and fix rotis to go with it. I wish all answers were that simple. :) I've even changed the way I clean my rear-end. Toilet paper is not a popular product in Pakistan; most people clean themselves with water. Now I don't feel clean if I go potty at a public place and can't use water. My friend Jeannie says that is very Muslim. hahahahaha.

But this dress I'm wearing sure isn't. There's boobage everywhere. And bare arms too. I look damn good though. :) So who cares? Hubby keeps making remarks, with a chuckle and a laugh, about how my "mummas" are making sad men happy. We laugh about it. We think it's really funny.

This October will be anniversary number 2. I feel like I've been married forever. Not sure if this is good or bad? I dunno. But I sure feel happy today about my marriage.

Munchkin appears to be entering puberty. This is quite scary. I thought I saw an armpit hair yesterday. And I thought I noticed her developing...ummm...chest appendages. Pray for us, will ya?

Fun with Cuss Words

So on Thursdays, I have two classes and am at school alllll day. In the morning, we have Layout I with this teacher whom I really admire. Then in the afternoon, I have XHTML and CSS, also with a teacher that I adore. But this last Thursday, I was quite tired and decided not to come back after the first break. Turns out I was getting sick but I didn't know that at the time.

SO out I walk to the parking lot, have surreptitiously grabbed my backpack and whatnot, and I find my car fairly quickly. It's a gorgeous day out - the kind that only springtime in Omaha can really deliver.

I was a bit perturbed to discover that someone had parked their car so close to mine that I could barely squeeze my ass in between the two cars, seriously, and there was no hope at all of getting in through the driver's side door.

I did curse a bit.

"Stupid motherfucker! Who the fuck parks like that?"

Then I realized it was no big deal. I have crawled in through the passenger side of the car a few times before and I knew it was no big deal. I had both will and way.

Once I realized this, I also quickly realized the opportunity for fun and hilarity that this dolt's parking had just created!

Chuckling and giggling at the wondrous opportunity I now had to unleash my snark, and having a ball in the process, I quickly grabbed my 3 subject out of my backpack, snagged one of my favorite pens, and jotted down a little note for the driver of this car to review upon his or her (most likely his) departure from the school.

Dear Assclown,

You parked your car so close to mine that I couldn't even get into it. Next time, leave a can opener so others can deal with your bad parking skills and thoughtlessness!

I was tempted to gouge "STUPID CUNT" into the side of your car but then decided not to, since I am a nice MUSLIM and we don't do those things. Next time, maybe you'll think twice before you act like a dumbass!

Sincerely,
Angry Fellow Student

Usually I leave notes such as this one under a windshield wiper. This note was a classic, though, and required special care. It suddenly occurred to me...this fool probably left their car unlocked. Time for more hilarity!

I went around to the driver's side door and tried the door. Yep, unlocked. I know what you're thinking right now...that I threw a decaying bit of food in there or something. No, I didn't, and there were no dead animals conveniently laying on the road either. I could probably have gotten a nice carton of milk and poured it under the driver's seat, but I didn't feel like it. I was sick. And tired. Literally.

So, I just opted to leave my masterpiece on the driver's seat, and then lock the car for this fellow student of mine.

Man, now I wish I'd PS'd the note with the following:

By the way, sweetheart, you shouldn't leave your car open like that. Do you realize what new and interesting smells I could have helped you discover if I felt like it? Especially at the start of a Nebraska summer? If you're going to behave this way, you'd better be more careful. XXOO.

Damn. That would have been great.

I suppose it's juvenile. But I have never enjoyed writing anything so much as I enjoyed that note. :) And I don't give a fuck.

I Feel Like Writing Right Now, at 1:31am.

...when I should be sleeping.

They should have a website for that...www.ishouldbesleeping.com.

I was just thinking about my food habits tonight and thinking of this phrase,

"Eventually you just have to put the fork fucking down!"

Hmmm. I think you'd have to do a switcheroo between fork and fucking, otherwise, folks may think that you're trying to quit fucking forks. They may assume that it's an awkward metaphor for bad boyfriends or girlfriends? As in every time you try to fuck this partner, you get stuck in the tenders by their tines? lol.

Next up, I just googled probably the funniest search string I've ever googled in my whole life.

"washer smells like poop"

And it does. I shit you not. hahahahahaha. But, never fear, 'they' apparently make stuff to help with this problem. And you can get this stuff at smellywasher.com. I'd better get myself over to that website, pronto.

Sometimes I am really grateful for the simplification of holidays, via conversion to Islam. There are only two. Rather than the gazillion of them that I used to deal with. However, for me, who has a child who is definitely not willing to give up Easter candy, Christmas presents, Halloween candy, her Valentine's Day party, or any other holiday that has fringe benefits, I still have about six to deal with.

One thing that is not simple in Islam? Going potty. No sirree. There are whole books written just about how Muslims should go potty.

And dressing. Another subject about which there are entire books written.

I ignore all the rules on both topics. Except that water thing...that is handy. Muslim dudes have the cleanest penises around, I'm telling you. All these details (except that one) are just superfluous, aren't they, really? I'd prefer to get the big stuff right...you know, like doing actual acts of service and kindness, raising my kid right, treating my parents right, trying like hell to treat my sister kindly, not running around naked, that kind of thing. I'm not real concerned with covering my hair or much else beyond what I define as common sense. And trying to stay away from addictive substances and behaviors. God had a really good point about eating 1/3 (or is it leaving 1/3 on your plate? I dunno.) and staying the hell away from alcohol.

I should totally clean up this blog and make it public again. That would be fun. :)

A Snowy Day

Well it is snowy outside, and that is pretty. I actually like it. It's only a bitch when you can't drive around and do stuff. Other than that, it's alright.

I read an interesting article about if global warming is real, why is the east coast buried under snow? Duh. It's clearly because global warming is real and you guys are the most corrupt part of the country. Sorry. Most of the most corrupt politicians live there, so clearly you're going to get it. Just deal and stop whining.

You know what I realized lately? That a lot of the articles written about how terribly hectic life is, about how little free time we have, getting ahead at work, organizing our homes, all the obligations that moms put upon themselves in meeting the expectations of others, are written by folks that are out on the coasts. IE they're out of touch with anyone who doesn't live on the East or West coast. This would explain why I can't relate to so many of these articles.

Like the ones about moms who freak over their kids' birthday parties. I don't know what they're talking about. Sure, it's a big pain but for God's sake, it's not that bad. And freaking over what to wear...not a real big deal here in Omaha.

I'm kind of glad I live in the midwest, and Omaha in particular. Life is slower. Thank God.

Me and my little girl are making Valentines tonight for her party on Friday. My husband astutely pointed out that it's probably not a good idea to encourage children to have 'valentines' and to 'love' at that age. So our valentines will be about friendship and stuff like that...not love.

Still in graphic design school. I love it. Right now I'm in Art History, Drawing II, and InDesign. I like all three of my classes. But the most challenging and intense one is undoubtedly Drawing II. Today I have to do drapery studies, thumbnail sketches for my collage, and photorealism. Fun times. And a lot of work. Which will start at 2pm. And continue for 4 or more hours. :)