I Feel Like Writing Right Now, at 1:31am.

...when I should be sleeping.

They should have a website for that...www.ishouldbesleeping.com.

I was just thinking about my food habits tonight and thinking of this phrase,

"Eventually you just have to put the fork fucking down!"

Hmmm. I think you'd have to do a switcheroo between fork and fucking, otherwise, folks may think that you're trying to quit fucking forks. They may assume that it's an awkward metaphor for bad boyfriends or girlfriends? As in every time you try to fuck this partner, you get stuck in the tenders by their tines? lol.

Next up, I just googled probably the funniest search string I've ever googled in my whole life.

"washer smells like poop"

And it does. I shit you not. hahahahahaha. But, never fear, 'they' apparently make stuff to help with this problem. And you can get this stuff at smellywasher.com. I'd better get myself over to that website, pronto.

Sometimes I am really grateful for the simplification of holidays, via conversion to Islam. There are only two. Rather than the gazillion of them that I used to deal with. However, for me, who has a child who is definitely not willing to give up Easter candy, Christmas presents, Halloween candy, her Valentine's Day party, or any other holiday that has fringe benefits, I still have about six to deal with.

One thing that is not simple in Islam? Going potty. No sirree. There are whole books written just about how Muslims should go potty.

And dressing. Another subject about which there are entire books written.

I ignore all the rules on both topics. Except that water thing...that is handy. Muslim dudes have the cleanest penises around, I'm telling you. All these details (except that one) are just superfluous, aren't they, really? I'd prefer to get the big stuff right...you know, like doing actual acts of service and kindness, raising my kid right, treating my parents right, trying like hell to treat my sister kindly, not running around naked, that kind of thing. I'm not real concerned with covering my hair or much else beyond what I define as common sense. And trying to stay away from addictive substances and behaviors. God had a really good point about eating 1/3 (or is it leaving 1/3 on your plate? I dunno.) and staying the hell away from alcohol.

I should totally clean up this blog and make it public again. That would be fun. :)