Yes, I'm aware it's 3am

....but Bacon Bringer's in KC and he's coming home tomorrow morning. I have nothing to do tomorrow but take Munchkin to school (to which she will mightily object, I know), await Bacon Bringer's return, shower, take a nap, put some clothes away, and go apply for this part time job that I think will work well for me and that I'll be good at. It feels right.

Bacon Bringer's been stressing that I'm not moving fast enough to find myself a part time job. Oh Bacon Bringer, you silly wage-earner...you don't know the Big O. Home of the telemarketing industry, the phone job, the joe job, really. All you have to do is go apply at one of those phone places. With a good phone voice and good communication skills, you're a shoo-in. Watch me eat those words tomorrow when I do not get hired.

So the plan is this: work full time until school starts. Save money. Then work part time while I go to school. Bacon Bringer wants me to just get my two year degree and then use that to get another job. I don't think so. I want a four year degree. He doubts my plans about a Liberal Arts degree....says I could more easily make more money with a specialized degree. But that is in conflict with other things I have read...that you do what you love and the money follows, if you want it.

I believe in the latter. I am sick and tired of trying to mold myself into liking a job that just doesn't work for me. I want to find a job that I like. That I will enjoy going to each day or that I just plain won't despise. A job I can sink my teeth into, that I can commit myself to. Once I can find that, the money will follow, I know that.

I took a high school diploma and made that into a job that brought in about the same amount as some college grads end up at. Now if I could do that back when I was really, really sick, and 369 pounds to boot, then I know I can take a liberal arts degree and make it into what I want and need: a job that will easily support me and my daughter whether I'm married or not.

I'm not one of those people who has really expensive dreams. A lot of people want a huge house and an expensive car, great clothes, jewelry, that stuff. My dreams are pretty simple: get college degree, have family, have small cottage-y house with cool little details. And yes, I do mean small. Small but quality. A nice little car that I can take road trips in. Not sure what color, but I really like Hondas. I could do with a Toyota though. :) You get the drift. I'm not a BMW lover or other expensive car lover. I want a simple life, an easy-to-maintain life. A life that leaves me free to travel with my daughter, to get her an education. A life that leaves me free to maintain good quality relationships with other people like my friends and family and my husband.

Success is something that is defined by me.

To me, a high-quality, easily-maintained life that is lived on a pretty even keel would be something I would consider very highly successful. And that life would be on my terms, not someone else's.

Too often in my life, I have defined success through other people's eyes. When I considered what to go to school for, I didn't know what I wanted. I tried to figure out what others wanted. I tried to figure out what would make the most money. Or what would garner the most approval.

No more. I am going to go with my instincts even if others don't approve. Even if my husband doesn't approve, and believe me, he sure doesn't seem to. Which I really find ironic. He will change his mind when he sees me succeed.

Movies
By the way, have you seen Blood Diamond? That film was great. Leo DiCaprio sure has grown up. It really made me question the whole diamond thing. I don't think I want one anymore. Yeah that's right; I still don't have a wedding ring yet. That has turned out to be pretty fortunate because I realized something; I don't want what I thought I wanted. I've been wearing some fakes that I thought were cute and that really helped me decide what I really like. And most people have no idea they're fake so who cares?

And I realized something else. This wedding ring thing has turned out to not be as important to me as I once thought it was. Sure I would like a big rock. But I realized that I want my wedding ring to be more meaningful than that. So I have changed my mind. My husband's birthstone is Alexandrite, which is far more rare than diamonds and far less bloody. It's a very pretty stone. We are going to go with that as the center stone. A bunch of small diamonds will surround that stone. That is the plan. Bacon Bringer's buddy is taking a trip to Pakistan and BB is going to have him look for one.

You know the jewelry industry is absolutely fascinating. I have been reading a lot about different gems and it is amazing. The value of a diamond is completely fabricated and was 'invented' by an elaborate advertising campaign that started in the 30's. Until then, diamonds were not really used in engagement and wedding rings. There is an article that is amazing, 'Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?' by Edward Jay Epstein. It can be found online with very little digging. That article was extremely informative.

Ok time for bed. I'm getting a little too loquacious now. But man writing sure is fun :)