Day Three of Joblessness

The word continues to leak out of me to various people. I told my crazy family not to call me at work anymore since I won't be there. Sister has repeatedly asked me how I left, as she considers it to be so sudden. Well, it is sudden. But how does she know that? We don't live together or even talk that much.

Anyway, maybe I'm selfish, but I keep thinking that she wishes to know for no good reason. If she finds out I was fired, she will be happy and gleefully tell the story of how Insensitive Secretary fucked up to all her 'friends'. No thanks. If I quit, well, that's just not that interesting. I am not willing to tell lies anymore, so I just don't answer her texts. Let her think what she will.

I told my OA friends today that I'm now a housewife, for the time being. I announced it at the meeting today...'If you're working or at home during the day and you're thinking, gee, I'd like to call someone, but everyone's working, dammit! Well, guess what? That's right, call me! I'll be at home allllllllll day." I'm terrified of falling into isolation...and food. Our disease is one of isolation. When we're alone a lot, we can eat without being challenged.

Truthfully, I do feel ashamed of what I did, even though it was innocent. Who could be so stupid? I don't believe that I robbed anyone of their dignity as our little emperor, Napoleon, put it. I was just stupid, and, at the worst moment, at a loss for words.

I have had many moments of emotional discomfort...some crying, but also some moments of just being uncomfortable. Basically, just not being comfortable being alone with myself.

I picked up the house some...prep for my new job, I guess. I have long wanted to get this place really de-cluttered and made into a real home, but have not had the time or energy. Problem solved, I suppose.

I watched the end of 'Get Smart'. Not the best Steve Carrell performance. Then I watched 'Hancock'. Great movie. I loved it. Will Smith is the best. How I adore escapism and superheroes. Especially right now. Netflix will be strutting their stuff for me in the near future.

What will probably happen, methinks, is that I will work part time, and go to school part time, and the Mackistani will pay the bills in the meantime. This should be fun.

What's really funny is that it's only day three and I think I have this all figured out...back in Step three, I gave my life and will over to the care of God as I understood him. Now here I am, once again trying to shortcut the process and decide the outcomes. Right now I hear Dr. Phil in there, 'How's that workin' for ya?'

Which reminds me! I'll be able to watch Oprah now!!!!