Five Minutes to Write a Post

I have five minutes to write this post, then I have to go get some Excedrin Migraine and then the child and then the newly-crowned Bacon Bringer.

Today was kind of an off day. I woke up with a humdinger of a caffeine-withdrawal headache. Yikes. Took the wee one to school, got myself some Motrin, went back to bed. Later on I took Bacon Bringer to work and then wandered around a bit. I brought him a sandwich for lunch, then I went to see Twilight at the 1:15 showing...only it turned out that the website had the wrong showing soooo it was 2:15 instead. Shiznit.

I didn't want to wander around the city for so long, so I decided to instead wander the mall. First off - lunch. I snagged a chicken salad sandwich from Arby's and had a seat in the food court. The food court is such a bright, white, and bluish-gray place. There is a lot of light, a lot of white paint, and a lot of bluish-gray tabletops and seats on white frames. It's very noisy over at Westroads Mall. I thought today as I sat chewing my sandwich that I could finally understand why it is that restaurants have those dividers....so that everywhere a diner looks, they won't be staring at someone. Intimacy I suppose.

Lunch couldn't last forever so off I went to wander the mall. I returned a call to a friend of mine and we talked about different things, mostly the Disease and how freaky it is. I apparently had a lot to say and was excited to be talking to a non-family member, as I felt like I was interrupting a lot and not letting her get a world in edge-wise. We talked for around 30 minutes and then it was time for Twilight...and nachos.

They sure did pick the right actor to play that vampire, Edward. Holy lord, he is hot. But not just hot in terms of the pretty-boy hotness. That character's entire package - his deportment, voice, etc., - all of these things add up to a tragically, terrifically hot predator. That is one of those movie characters that you just sit and wish was real. You sit and think, why can't there be guys like that in world? He is too perfect, though, really. That character had no flaws...I'm not sure if he urinates or poops, but I can bet that he would not leave the seat up. Speaking of which, that is one beauty of living with a Muslim. Anyway, that's TMI. Bacon Bringer might be upset if he read that particular divulgance. (Is divulgance a word?)

The silence at home during the day is a little deafening. I'm by myself too much. That hasn't morphed into eating, but I sure don't feel like doing anything, including much eating.

At first it seemed like God had answered my prayers when I walked out of that building on Friday...finally I would be free of the constraints that others have. I could pick and choose my next step...no longer under anyone's thumb...unable to say no to any ridiculous request. No more of that nonsense...that I got paid. for.

That's all fine and dandy but there's one problem...all the people I would like to hang out with during the day work. There are no meetings during the day, either, except on Fridays over in Counciltucky. You can be sure I will be attending that meeting.

I must not slide into depression and loneliness. I can prevent this. I must stay in contact with others. I must keep myself busy. I cannot let this turn into me sleeping too much and eating too much and just doing anything too damned much. I have friends, I have intellect, hobbies, stuff I can do. I just need to find my groove and get into it. It might take some wiggling about.

Then once I'm in my groove, next step is a part time job. A friend of mine told me today that if I'm going to work part time and I have a choice in what I do, then I ought to find something that I love. But I don't love anything that I can get paid for. I love to sing, crochet, read, plan stuff, coach other people...I'm not sure what job that would be.

Oh well, first thing's first. I've been writing too long and won't be able to get migraine meds before I get the munchkin, but that's ok, I'll just take some Motrin.

Anyway, like I was saying, first thing's first. I'm in love with the Twilight series from that film...I will have to find those books.

Next up, plan Munchkin's birthday party...need bracelet kit, invitations, cake mix and frosting, as well as candles. Plus streamers and balloons. And guest list. Ok, maybe the party should come before the books. :)

Third, list my old work clothes on eBay (note to self: need de-fuzzer first).

Fourth, continue doing a great job of taking care of family.

Today's fear is: Hubby finding out I went to a movie. And that dinner will not be all that great because I didn't spend hours on it...it's leftovers.

Shopping: Need bread and raisin bran, plus skim milk. Aldi, here I come.

First Tuesday of Joblessness

Here we are on Tuesday. This is like a never-ending vacation.

Yesterday I worked around the house and took care of stuff left and right. I did tons of laundry, cleaned out my closet, made up bags for donation to Goodwill and kept some items I think I can sell for a couple bucks on eBay. The little one was home sick yesterday so that was fun. She was barfing left and right. No barf today though!

I was looking forward to being home alone today, but no dice. Now Mack is working from home today. I was hoping to just hang out by myself. That would have been nice.

Tonight we are celebrating Eid over at my friend Bouchra's house. We are bringing goat curry, Irish soda bread, and rotis. Guess who's cooking all that stuff? Yes, that's me. This is quite a change from my previous life, where no one wanted to eat anything I cooked lol. I'm looking forward to interaction with people outside of my immediate family. :)

Napoleon said yesterday that he would accept my resignation, so that was good. Hopefully this means I'll receive payment for my unused vacation time.

Well I'd better get this party started. Who knew that , even while unemployed, one can still be quite busy? I have food to make and more laundry to do and get caught up on.

Day Three of Joblessness

The word continues to leak out of me to various people. I told my crazy family not to call me at work anymore since I won't be there. Sister has repeatedly asked me how I left, as she considers it to be so sudden. Well, it is sudden. But how does she know that? We don't live together or even talk that much.

Anyway, maybe I'm selfish, but I keep thinking that she wishes to know for no good reason. If she finds out I was fired, she will be happy and gleefully tell the story of how Insensitive Secretary fucked up to all her 'friends'. No thanks. If I quit, well, that's just not that interesting. I am not willing to tell lies anymore, so I just don't answer her texts. Let her think what she will.

I told my OA friends today that I'm now a housewife, for the time being. I announced it at the meeting today...'If you're working or at home during the day and you're thinking, gee, I'd like to call someone, but everyone's working, dammit! Well, guess what? That's right, call me! I'll be at home allllllllll day." I'm terrified of falling into isolation...and food. Our disease is one of isolation. When we're alone a lot, we can eat without being challenged.

Truthfully, I do feel ashamed of what I did, even though it was innocent. Who could be so stupid? I don't believe that I robbed anyone of their dignity as our little emperor, Napoleon, put it. I was just stupid, and, at the worst moment, at a loss for words.

I have had many moments of emotional discomfort...some crying, but also some moments of just being uncomfortable. Basically, just not being comfortable being alone with myself.

I picked up the house some...prep for my new job, I guess. I have long wanted to get this place really de-cluttered and made into a real home, but have not had the time or energy. Problem solved, I suppose.

I watched the end of 'Get Smart'. Not the best Steve Carrell performance. Then I watched 'Hancock'. Great movie. I loved it. Will Smith is the best. How I adore escapism and superheroes. Especially right now. Netflix will be strutting their stuff for me in the near future.

What will probably happen, methinks, is that I will work part time, and go to school part time, and the Mackistani will pay the bills in the meantime. This should be fun.

What's really funny is that it's only day three and I think I have this all figured out...back in Step three, I gave my life and will over to the care of God as I understood him. Now here I am, once again trying to shortcut the process and decide the outcomes. Right now I hear Dr. Phil in there, 'How's that workin' for ya?'

Which reminds me! I'll be able to watch Oprah now!!!!

Day Two of Being Jobless

It's actually Saturday...do weekend days count?

Weekends mean a lot less to me now that I'm jobless. And this is just day two of joblessness. I mean, when Monday comes, I'm not going to work. I'm going to stay home, clean the house, cook, might go see about getting my glasses fixed before my vision insurance is taken away, and figure out what I'm fixing for dinner. Many things around here need catching up.

Mack and I have decided I am not going to go looking for a job right now. He said I have worked hard and need a rest. (I just had to put his comment in there to once again congratulate myself on finally picking an excellent mate!)For the next two weeks, my new job is to figure out what I want my new job to be. And, of course, making a fresh, awesome dinner every night. My fresh-food-obsessed husband is *really* excited about that.

I'm so looking forward to taking my little one to her appointments and not giving a shit how that will affect anyone. I never have to worry about her royal highness, the receptionist, again. She is out of my picture. I'm looking forward to taking my time with my little one...taking her to her stuff, not having to hurry, sleeping in a little bit. Now I can attend more of her therapy appointments with her as her therapist desired.

A friend of mine at OA works at Marriott. She suggested I check out their jobs. Right now I feel like to take a job that I really don't want could be poison to this opportunity. I don't want to get into an environment where I limit my thoughts on what I can be and do. Right now I have an opportunity few people ever get, and one that I never thought I would have...I am out of the workforce and being given however much time I need to decide what job I want. On top of that, I don't need to make as much money as I previously made.

I'm free.

Free of the shackles of administrative assisting, which I never really liked anyway. Whatever my next job is, it will not be one where my opinion on most issues is considered close to worthless. I do not wish next time to work somewhere where my position is not valued by higher levels of management. In my ex-job, assistants didn't really know much about what the people they worked for were really facing. We were kept out of the loop. We didn't attend any meetings and were not a member of any team, other than the administrative one. In that office, no one was really valued unless they were personally liked by Napoleon.

I cannot help but feel lucky, even though I was fired. My friend the EA, I don't remember her nickname, remarked in wonder yesterday that I sounded kind of glad or happy. I have to admit, once Napoleon was finished yelling at me and shaming me, once he was done making himself feel better, and had walked away, I called Supervisor up and go, 'I'm fired, right? Ok, let's go talk about it in a conference room.' Supervisor even seemed surprised at how upbeat I was.

So we went in the conference room and I explained what it was about, and then said, 'You know, Supervisor, maybe it was just time for me to move on anyway. Would I ever have quit? Probably not.'

Then, 'Tell you what, you guys are going to be just fine. Let's go back to my cube and pack up my stuff. I will show you where everything is and clear off some personal stuff that you won't need. You can stand there and watch and do whatever the company needs you to do.' She said ok and off we went.

I *cheerfully* packed up my stuff. As I packed, I thought about how much stuff I really did *not* have. I had gone on many decluttering binges at my desk, getting rid of whatever wasn't needed so that when I eventually left or was asked to leave, I would not have to carry much. I had really pared it down to just the stuff that I actually would want to keep. I deleted my personal files. Not much lost there. I deleted all the music and of course my pictures, any other personal correspondence that was no one else's business.

When I got home, I just kind of wandered around the house, aimlessly for a while. I didn't know what to do with myself. I still couldn't believe I had been fired. Then I realized how many personal contacts I needed from my Outlook account. And of course all my passwords that were still in Outlook. I knew Supervisor had not yet filed the paperwork to shut off my access to that, so I logged on and worked on saving and deleting personal stuff. That took about an hour. Soon it was time to go get the little one from school and Mackistani from work. Off I went.

I have decided to sell my old office clothes on eBay. I hate them all anyway. I think I would like my next job to be more casual. I definitely do not wish to ever again work somewhere where clothing was considered so vitally important. Anyway, I will certainly need the money.

I think I would like my next job to be part-time. Like 30 hours per week or something. I don't need benefits anyway, for myself, the little one, or Mackistani. Wow, I should really celebrate the fact that I have options. I'm so very lucky.

And free. FREE AS A BIRD!

No Longer a Secretary

Well kids I am done with ABC Nuts and Bolts. I've been fired. Yep, that's right: fired.

What happened was this: a dear coworker was laid off earlier this week. His phones were forwarded to me after we came out of the meeting where they told us about it. His wife called not five minutes after that meeting. I was still in shock and told her while in this fog that he'd been laid off. Yes, stupid, I know.

Well Napoleon was pretty unhappy. I certainly never intended to hurt anyone, though I know that was really stupid. He actually yelled at me while I was in my cube. I don't know if he expected me to defend myself when confronted with this, but I didn't defend myself. I agreed with him regarding everything he said; 'that was really a dumb, dumb move' (yes, you're right, and I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth). 'Guy worked here 20 years and you tell his wife?' (yes, you're right, that was the wrong thing to do and I wish I could take it back).

And I absolutely meant all that I had said. I knew it was dumb from the moment it happened. I didn't mean to tell anyone. I considered calling the guy and making amends right away. I didn't know if I should. But it was clear today that he must have been upset. So after I talked to SeaBee, I called him right up and made amends. He said it showed a lot of character that I had called and apologized and made my amends. Well, yippy skippy. I wish I'd done it the moment it happened, honestly. Then I wouldn't have been fired.

You know....I'm not a vindictive, spiteful person anymore. I'm just not. I was at one time. But never would I intentionally hurt someone whom I respected that way.

Not working there anymore is scary. It's scary and it's also not scary. I keep thinking...how will I explain being fired? Who would want to hire a person who makes judgment errors like that? Oh lord, now the Mackistani will be paying the bills. That's just great. I guess I can work full time on becoming a software tester and selling stuff on eBay. I won't be able to live the way I want to live now...because I'll have to depend on someone else to pay for everything and I am not going to be going to them and asking them for money all the time.

Next up...it is freeing not to be there anymore. I will miss the people that I worked with. I feel sad that the receptionist will be spreading venom about me all over the place. Many people may have the wrong impression of me due to this. Christine will relish it.

Automaker CEO Says He Will Work for $1/year

To get federal aid.

 

As someone who of course felt that the CEOs of those failing companies should not make so much dang money, I must say that this latest pledge does the cockles of my heart no good.

 

I realized it as I read this article. I expected that if a CEO got paid virtually nothing after asking the government for bailout money, that I would feel, as a citizen and a consumer, vindicated. Nope. You know what went through my mind?

 

SO WHAT? YOU’RE STILL RICH!!!!!!

 

That’s when I realized something.

 

We don’t really care whether they take a paycut or not.

 

It *is* and it *isn’t* about corporate excess.

 

What it’s really about for the average American is revenge.

 

We want all their money taken away. That’s what we want, emotionally speaking. We want THEM to be poor, to pay unreasonable taxes on barely any d*mn money, to have to choose to either pay the rent or take the kid to the doctor, to have to haggle with THEIR bank about when they can pay their car payment. We want THEM to deal with creditors and live on the cusp of homelessness because they just can’t get ahead.

 

That’s what we are FEELING. It’s not logical, that is for sure. Basically, I sense a growing feeling among average Americans that they are being screwed. And there is a growing frustration and anger about it.

 

Just my opinion of course.

 

I’m just a secretary.