A Gift for Me!!!

So A, aka Mr. Exclusivity, called me last night. This was not unexpected, he usually calls every other day.

I was, however, surprised when he told me that he had gone to Walmart that evening and was thinking of me while he was there. And he had bought me a couple of things.

"What in the world could you have bought me at Walmart?"

"Oh just a couple of things. Can I come over and drop them off?" Huh, that's weird.

So I said yes and he said he'd be over in 15 or 20 minutes. Yippy skippy. I did some stuff around the house and thought about what he could possibly have bought for me at Walmart. I prayed it wouldn't be embarrassing. I hoped it wouldn't be a nose hair trimmer, or perhaps a shaving implement, hair remover, shampoo, deodorant, toothbrush, mouthwash, or feminine hygiene products.

Then I tried to be more positive. Maybe he bought some flowers. Or some cute little card. Perhaps some perfume that he thought was especially sniffy? Then I told myself to stop thinking about it altogether. I'm not particularly cool with someone buying me stuff left and right anyway.

Like clockwork, he was there in 15 or 20 minutes. So up he came. He handed me a Walmart bag.

I look in the bag.

And just WHAT do you suppose I saw in this bag? What lovely, thoughtful little gift had he chosen to show me how much he cares? Hmmm?

Well, nestled at the bottom of this lovely Walmart bag were two items. I saw a bottle a jewel-toned green stuff and a lovely, creamy white looking bottle.

What do you suppose those two bottles were?

Listerine. And Summer's Eve.

I shower and I brush my teeth flippin obsessively.

What a jewel of a man. Yes, that's sarcasm.

So I said, "Uh, is there something you need to tell me?" And he's like, "No, I just used to buy this stuff all the time for my ex-wife. I couldn't find a deordorant that I thought you'd like though."

Is this dude just really naïve or what? I'm going to vote for naïve instead of 'or what'. I asked him, 'Is my breath bad or something?' And he said, 'No, but my throat is sensitive and I get sick really easily.'

Then he said that I could buy him some deodorant if I wanted.

Is this the Pakistani equivalent of flowers and jewelry? What the f*ck?