Dating

So I'm in a situation that I thought I would not be in at this weight.

When I broke up with my ex boyfriend last March, I hated men and had no problems with it when my sponsor said she wanted me to wait a year to date.

Around October, at the fall retreat, I went to the sexuality meeting and was crying over whether I'd ever find someone who could accept my body as is and love me in it like my ex had.

Now, in April, a year after breaking up with my ex, I am juggling about three different guys.

1 - The Nepali Oven - N is a really nice guy…who cancels a lot, but for legitimate reasons. I kinda wrote him off, but figured I'd give him one more chance and see if he can actually show up for Prom this Saturday. We had a blast together on our first date. No apparent psychological problems. Really just a darling…if only I lived in Kansas City.

2 - TherapyBoy - this one said I was passive aggressive but then kinda changed his mind after I proceeded to ignore him. We'll see what happens. He's all, 'I don't know what's going to happen with us….' No sh*t, Sherlock. That's why dating is an investigation, not an instant relationship! No one knows at the outset for sure that a date is going to turn into a relationship. That's why you date them. He also recently revealed that he was self-injuring as recently as six months ago. Red flag. Just one reason why dating is an investigation…and why I know my picker's broken. He's the one of the three that's the most attractive to me in terms of personality.

3 - Mr Exclusivity - A is 6'3, Pakistani, with an athletic body and gorgeous smile and just enough accent to sound hot to a vanilla Midwestern girl. He's just plain gorgeous, to me. So I can't figure out why he likes me so much. He also appears to be normal. Except for this - we went out to lunch on a Friday, then we had dinner and a movie on Sunday (first kiss), then he came over on Wednesday night (more kissing, nothing else). On that Wednesday night, he said he wanted me to be his full-time girlfriend. Which I thought was weird at the time, but couldn't put my finger on why. I didn't say yay or nay. Hmmm, I guess I better make a decision.

Now I know why. I met this dude 3/30 in the flesh. That was the Friday we had lunch. I didn't expect him to call me back, even though we had a good time and interesting conversation. So I didn't pay much attention to anything, didn't really think about it, and he keeps calling and asking me out and whatnot. Which is fine, but unexpected. But it wasn't until last night that I actually looked at the calendar and realized that I've known this dude for about 11 days. And that he asked me to be exclusive at about day four. Which is crazy. I just didn't realize how fast this was going until last night. Oh dear.

4 - The Contractor - K is about 5'6 and ok looking, but his biggest asset is that he's a good kisser and a romantic. You know I love that. What girl wouldn't? We went out once and it was lovely but no repeat dates since then. There probably will be one in the future, but I don't know when.

So that is my dating life. It almost seems like too much. I guess my main energies are focused on MrExclusivity. He calls the most often and whatnot, and seems genuinely interested in my life. Plus he's normal. So why is my picker so darn attracted to TherapyBoy, who is obviously a mistake waiting to happen? Why am I so dang comfy with him and less sparky with A? I wish N lived closer than Kansas City. I just can't see myself actually seriously dating someone who lives two and a half hours away. How would that ever work out? I can't move D.

I guess I don't need answers to that. I just need to keep moving forward, putting one step in front of the other, and letting God handle outcomes. I never before have trusted in dating as a process…I have always skipped right over it to insta-relationship. But I'm glad my sponsor encouraged me to just date for a while. It's kinda fun if you have the right perspective.