Adoption

My munchkin at this point has no legal parents. She is adrift in the Foster Care system, technically speaking.

Yes, I know she's not really adrift. Her future is 99% assured. Our case has moved to the adoption unit.

My sister relinquished her rights to D on January 11. D's father's rights were terminated by court order the next day. He's got 30 days to appeal, but that's highly unlikely, as he has not a leg to stand on. He didn't show up for any court dates and actually skipped town soon after the whole thing began. I'm not even sure where he is, except to say that he might be in the state of California.

I know I want to adopt D, but sometimes I find myself thinking of ways that this cup may pass from me. I'm signing up for a long row to hoe. I was reminded of that last night when D started acting up. Earlier that day, she had asked me if I was her foster mom. I gleefully replied, "No, I'm just your mom. I'm going to be your mom forever." This was selfish on my part. D wasn't ready for that, I just wanted to feel the joy of saying it.

So D was tense all day yesterday, which left me tense too. And when I get tense with her, it results in a raised voice and easy frustration.

My sponsor would probably say that I'm frustrated and tense because I haven't made my eigth step list yet. All the people whom I owe amends to are bouncing around up in my head, and they need to come out on paper so they can stop bouncing around up there. I don't necessarily feel the self-loathing and shame that I once did over many of the things I did - I just want to go back to those people and do my amends. Though I'm not keen on paying my ex about $4,000.00 for letting that POS car get repo'd. :o( But I will do the right thing and offer to do so. Hmmm…too bad I don't have $4,000. I'm sure he'll take payments.

Next up - potential date this weekend. A large part of me says, 'Why are you bothering with this? You're too selfish to be in a relationship.'