I'm not sure if it's just Winter Spread going on, but lots of people here are bulking up. There's one VP whose chest appendages keep getting closer and closer to her waist because they are growing in size. And then there's Twiggy. Whom I must now re-name Malignant Presence because she is no longer Twiggy. Another name for her might be BGB, or Baby Got Back.
And then there's my friend who had gastric bypass surgery and is now starting on the slow road back to where she was. I hope her disease is arrested at some point. I think my heart might break for her if she gained all that weight back after the extraordinary lengths she went to in order to get it off of her, including a blod clot and a tummy tuck. I tried to offer Overeaters Anonymous to her, but she wasn't willing at the time, so of course I dropped it like a hot potato. She said something lame about how she wasn't offended because when she had gastric bypass, she thought that her solution was what would be best for everyone else too. That, however, is not how I think. She might benefit from OA, but OA is not the solution for everyone. It's just the solution for people who are using food as a drug. And even if that's the case, it's still not necessarily the solution. There are other iterations of Program that work for people. I'm just carrying the message that she's not alone and gently at that. I'm not shoving OA down anyone's throat, as we all know that addicts detest that. : ) Which is why we don't recruit. Attraction, not promotion.
I went out with a couple of friends on Saturday night and we looked at Christmas lights in the ritzy 'hoods. It was a blast. I had one beer at dinner that night and I can't believe the effect it had on me. I was so, I don't know, relaxed? No, that wasn't relaxed. My personality became a little muted. I'm not sure how I feel about that…not sure that it was a good feeling at all. Getting buzzed or whatever doesn't have the appeal for me that it once had.
As for my Program, I went out with my mom yesterday and did not overeat. I stood up for my boundaries and asked my mother to please not include my sister, as that would quickly turn into a disaster. And that disaster would last until Tuesday, as Munchkin would be acting out for at least, at LEAST three days, if not more. She has just gotten her sanity back after a week of vicious acting out, so I don't want to mess with that. Plus I'm not sure how I feel about this 'happy family' act. Things are NOT normal, hello! And is there anyone in the world who's better at driving me crazy than my sister?
It's funny how my perceptions of her have changed. I used to feel so sorry for her…sometimes I still do. Most of the time, though, I am mindful of how manipulative and controlling she really is.
We sang Christmas carols and I soon found myself feeling like I was ten feet tall because this couple is intent on spreading joy. They are extremely complimentary. Their relationship is so beautiful, it makes me wish to find someone like that. Actually, I've seen a lot of beautiful relationships in Program. Whether it's my friend Angie and her husband Dave or it's Kari and Angel, it is beautiful to see two people respecting and considering each other…most of the time lol. I'm not over-romanticizing their relationships - I'm sure they fight. But the part that I see is beautiful.
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