Rosie v Donald

Rosie 1
Donald 0

Donald Trump is totally making an a$z out of himself over this. The things he's saying about Rosie O'Donnell are absolutely uncalled for. He actually called her a slob. Why is she a slob? Because she's not blonde and not thin? Because she's not a high-maintenance woman? I wonder what that creep with the combover would think of me?

Cussing

So I'm working here at my cubicle and exclaiming, "What the he||?" out loud as my loverly Christian supervisor walks by. And she goes, "Excuse me?" And shortly thereafter I get a lecture about how I shouldn't talk like that at work and how it's unprofessional.

"Everyone in this office talks like that and worse and we're supposed to be different because we're women and we're secretaries?" Oh my God, Napoleon's mouth is like a veritable sewer and the people who report to him aren't much different. I actually once witnessed a salesperson utter the word pu$$y in a meeting. In a MEETING! In front of poor Supervisor!

"No, it's because you report to me."

Well I'm terribly sorry, but I'm not some gentle southern lady and I'm not a devout Christian and I will talk any dang way I please!

Actually, no I won't. I probably will continue to mutter the word 'mother(tr)ucker' under my breath at my desk but that's about it. I'm just being whiney and irritated because I'm sick and can't seem to just get well. And I have this date on Saturday and am getting more and more nervous that it's going to be a big fat waste of time with some touchy-feely, silent, boring, horse-faced knitwit.

God I'm touchy today. I wish I could just shut my stupid fat trap and stop saying retarded things to people! Now I'm going to have to go and make amends to my supervisor for talking back to her instead of respecting her VERY REASONABLE wishes!!!!

Dating and Trepidation

So I met someone online. We talked for a while and he asked me out. I said yes.

Did you ever notice that when you say that you met someone online, people look at you like you must secretly have elephant man's disease and therefore can't get a man any other way?

Well they might be looking at me that way because I had/have an unhealthy habit of going online, finding people to go out with and then ignoring every other dang thing in my life in the search for 'the one'.

I'm not sure that I've completely shed that habit, but there is a different feel to the whole dating thing. I don't feel desperate like I used to. My sponsor said, however, that when we're first in recovery and we try to attempt doing something for the first time while in recovery, we have a tendency to go back to our old habits, at least at first. And she said that our shame often tells us that we better latch onto whatever we can get when it comes to relationships, and she's fairly sure that there is at least some of that going on here.

I think there is a good chance that she's right. Ok, a good chance? How about, she's right? While I don't feel desperate to find someone right now, and I find the idea of a full-blown relationship to be something that I look at with trepidation, I am in fact starting to date three months before my year is up. I did in fact seek this.

Hmmm, how about some _really_ raw honesty? I did what a lot of lonely folks do late at night when the kid's asleep and they feel listless…I sought out the comfort and thrill of that lovely invention…the Chat Room. Flirt all you want. Be effervescent! Most people are in another state, so you almost never need fear that that fun, flirty, phantom persona will ever impinge on your space. And sure enough, you sit there long enough, someone's bound to message you. Most of the time, that someone is looking for something you don't want to give, but occasionally, you might get someone in your state who's not just looking for _that_. And that's how this guy came across me.

And, oh, the people who are just dying to show their bits off to anyone who's willing to look. That's troublingly amazing to me.

I think it'll be fun to go out on a date with someone. It'll be fun to meet someone new. It will be fun to test the waters. See what's out there. But after I go out with this guy, I don't know if there will be date number two. He seems nice, but there's something that's not tripping my trigger…like that he's asking me what my views on marriage (do I want to get married? Etc. etc.) are or how many kids I want. And kinda going on about how he's got his master's degree now and he plans to get another job, probably in Kansas City and is ruthlessly ambitious, bent on having wife, kids, house, dog, and phD by age 50 (or did he say 40)?

For the first time, I don't have an answer as to how many kids I want. I don't know if I want to be married again. Were I to get married again, I don't know what kind of ceremony I'd want. Don't you decide those things when you actually are in that place in your life? Don't you decide that with your partner?

Well, I don't know. God it would suck if I ended up wasting a Saturday evening on someone who can't open their mouth to save their life in person. Or whom I found repulsive in person.

Ok, why am I doing this again? LOL

Say it Ain't So!!

Did Keith Urban really cheat on Nicole Kidman?

It seems a little stupid to add my two cents to such a thing, but would it really be surprising if he did? Here's some food for thought - how can you tell an addict's lying?

Their lips are moving.

I know that's how I was. Sometimes it's still hard to shake that dishonesty but I don't do the things I used to do. Now it's more like little white lies. Still trying to stop that too. But maaaaaaaaan, when I was married? I didn't cheat but I sure did lie my a$z off. About money, about this, about that. Didn't help that he was a control freak, but nevertheless, I was still lying.

Part of me is like, how can I listen to all that wonderful music knowing that he was cheating on his wife? Another part of me is like, who cares? The music is still the music, and it's still good music. And I don't sit and think about how happy HIS life is, was, or will be, or whatever when I listen to it. I think of mine. Songs like "Raining on Sunday" and "Making Memories of Us" make me think of how cool it would be to be loved like that. Songs like "You'll Think of Me" make me think of relationships lost and whatnot.

So it's too bad if he did cheat on her. I feel bad for her.

But I will still keep buying his CDs. Cause they're d*mn good.

Beauty Pagent BS

Wow, at least three beauty pageant women are getting tarred and feathered lately. The latest is Miss USA Nevada, Katie Rees, over some photos taken of her five years ago.

I can't help but think that if she were a man, no one would care about her sexuality, drinking alcohol, or flirting at parties. I think it's ridiculous that these women are taking such a beating for things that men do all the time. Granted, they knew what was expected going in, but so what? Maybe those expectations are just a little bit ridiculous, especially when you're talking about women in their early 20s and younger.

How to Convincingly Call in Sick When You're Not

Now, a little disclaimer on this. I don't really do this anymore. But I used to....alllllll the time.

So the 'tips' they offer are...
1. Know your illnesses. If you claim a migraine, know that there are two types - cluster and classic. Might help to know the difference between them.

2. Claiming Lyme disease is handy? How the hell do you even get Lyme disease? But they say this is handy because one symptom is irritability.

3. Apparently, conjunctivitis and irritable bowel syndrome are good too. No one wants to hear about that shit. Let me add regular diarrhea and vomiting. People hate that too. And the more delicate you try to be about the symptoms, the more authentic you look. Allows you to avoid shooting yourself in the foot by trying to fill every man, woman, and child in on how you were worshipping the porcelain god yesterday. 'The lady doth protest too much' is what you should keep in mind here.

4. Call in with your excuse to a coworker early, before the boss arrives, and clear your throat for five minutes beforehand and hold your nose as you speak. One thing I can add here - skip the coworker, call your supervisor's voicemail at 3am. Or perhaps 5am. If you start taking medications at 3am, symptoms can still clear up. Make sure to be on top of your work - you can still look conscientious.

5. Never make up anything you might need to prove, like a doctor's appointment or trip to the ER.

6. Only do this two or three times a year.

7. Remember your lie.

I think one thing that I can add is - don't frickin go anywhere. I once had a coworker who called in sick because she hated her job, and she went shopping at Wal-Mart. Someone spotted her there and turned her ass in. She spent some time in the boss's office trying to save her job and from that point on, was healed of her deceptions, lol.

If you DO go somewhere, you better keep an eye out. You're just asking for trouble. You might want to think about headscarves, ginormous sunglasses, hats, stuff like that. Any time that I feel like I *must* take a mental health day, I try to avoid going anywhere. If I have a ton of personal stuff to get done, I try as hard as possible to arrange a day to do it. Unexpected days off are a bad idea. I now try to avoid them as much as possible. In fact, I've called in with bullshit so many times that I actually feel good when I call in, because I'm really sick. Legitimacy in the midst of misery can be a good feeling.

For Today

'You find in solitude only what you take to it'

- Juan Ramon Jimenez

If I force preconceived notions onto a problem, what can I learn? To learn something new, I need an open mind,  a trusting mind which can wander into places that once frightened me.

Rather than suppress thoughts and feelings, it is better to give them a good airing, to look at them in the clear light of day. Unattended, hidden feelings, like illusions, once defeated me. Today, I know that feelings cannot hurt me as long as I'm willing to look at them and see them for what they are.

FOR TODAY: What I bring to my moments of solitude, when I look inward at my feelings and attidues, is self-honesty and openmindedness.

Hmmmm….

Winter Spread et al

I'm not sure if it's just Winter Spread going on, but lots of people here are bulking up. There's one VP whose chest appendages keep getting closer and closer to her waist because they are growing in size. And then there's Twiggy. Whom I must now re-name Malignant Presence because she is no longer Twiggy. Another name for her might be BGB, or Baby Got Back.

And then there's my friend who had gastric bypass surgery and is now starting on the slow road back to where she was. I hope her disease is arrested at some point. I think my heart might break for her if she gained all that weight back after the extraordinary lengths she went to in order to get it off of her, including a blod clot and a tummy tuck. I tried to offer Overeaters Anonymous to her, but she wasn't willing at the time, so of course I dropped it like a hot potato. She said something lame about how she wasn't offended because when she had gastric bypass, she thought that her solution was what would be best for everyone else too. That, however, is not how I think. She might benefit from OA, but OA is not the solution for everyone. It's just the solution for people who are using food as a drug. And even if that's the case, it's still not necessarily the solution. There are other iterations of Program that work for people. I'm just carrying the message that she's not alone and gently at that. I'm not shoving OA down anyone's throat, as we all know that addicts detest that. : ) Which is why we don't recruit. Attraction, not promotion.

I went out with a couple of friends on Saturday night and we looked at Christmas lights in the ritzy 'hoods. It was a blast. I had one beer at dinner that night and I can't believe the effect it had on me. I was so, I don't know, relaxed? No, that wasn't relaxed. My personality became a little muted. I'm not sure how I feel about that…not sure that it was a good feeling at all. Getting buzzed or whatever doesn't have the appeal for me that it once had.

As for my Program, I went out with my mom yesterday and did not overeat. I stood up for my boundaries and asked my mother to please not include my sister, as that would quickly turn into a disaster. And that disaster would last until Tuesday, as Munchkin would be acting out for at least, at LEAST three days, if not more. She has just gotten her sanity back after a week of vicious acting out, so I don't want to mess with that. Plus I'm not sure how I feel about this 'happy family' act. Things are NOT normal, hello! And is there anyone in the world who's better at driving me crazy than my sister?

It's funny how my perceptions of her have changed. I used to feel so sorry for her…sometimes I still do. Most of the time, though, I am mindful of how manipulative and controlling she really is.

We sang Christmas carols and I soon found myself feeling like I was ten feet tall because this couple is intent on spreading joy. They are extremely complimentary. Their relationship is so beautiful, it makes me wish to find someone like that. Actually, I've seen a lot of beautiful relationships in Program. Whether it's my friend Angie and her husband Dave or it's Kari and Angel, it is beautiful to see two people respecting and considering each other…most of the time lol. I'm not over-romanticizing their relationships - I'm sure they fight. But the part that I see is beautiful.

Why Men Cheat

Part of my reaction is, 'Who cares why men or anyone cheats? The why doesn't matter."

Yet we know that, of course, it matters.

What is my Idea of Happiness?

I don't know. I just thought that was an interesting question from my For Today book.

Since I am trying to stay focused in today, I guess I can only answer what my idea of happiness is today. And I think my idea of happiness must be only things that I have control over - not things like 'munchkin will turn into a happy child'.

Happiness is clean clothes; clean clothes that are easily sorted through and that all fit. They should be clean and folded or hung.

Happiness is a non-cluttered home that indeed feels like a home and not a warehouse.

Happiness is treating myself well - eating healthfully but not like I'm on a diet and taking care of myself.

Happiness is avoiding doing things that will cause me to have to make amends later.

Happiness is staying calm when I am in a tense situation.

Happiness is being satisfied with the way that I have handled things.

Happiness is being honest with myself.

Happiness is found through my Higher Power, through Good Orderly Direction, by listening to the voice of reason in the midst of my compulsivity or in the midst of not otherwise specified chaos.

Happiness is found through acceptance. When I accept life as it is, I can then deal with it effectively and satisfactorily. Note to self - make list of things you need to accept lol.

Happiness is being current on my stepwork and doing my journalling as I should be. Note to self - locate all stepwork assignments and complete.

Happiness is not adding the phrase 'you suck' to end of the above note to self.