Happiness is Just a Curly Fry Away

I saw this at Arby’s the other day while eating….curly fries. I couldn’t wait to get my curly fries and extremely fattening chicken salad sandwich with all kinds of frou frou.

 

Arby’s did not know the full import of that statement for compulsive eaters…

 

When a compulsive eater who is still ‘practicing’ their behaviors has feelings, has sadness, anger, despair, lots of happiness, whatever, her solution is to eat to get rid of those damn feelings. A curly fry would take all of that away in an instant. Unfortunately, there would not be enough curly fries on this planet to forever stave off the unpleasantness of unpleasant feelings or the sense that happy feelings will end disastrously.

Why Not Just Stop Being Part of the Working Poor?

Cause it sure would be nice. My friend suggested that the government helping people is not a solution, but that to stop being part of the working poor is.

You know he's right.

It's far better to stop being 'working poor' than it is to get help from the government. Who the hell wants to be a member of that class, anyway? Not I, my friend.

In fact, no one wants to be. So, then, why is it that there are so many unwilling captives of that class?

Well, basically, it's because it's not that simple to get out of that class. Once you're in, quite often, you get stuck without some help.

Take single moms for example. Never mind how they got that way, that is none of anyone's business. But the fact is that there are a lot of them. Most of them didn't wish to be single moms. And many of them are struggling. They have to work and they have to pay all the bills and then they also must pay for childcare. Many would like to get an education. But they can't; there's no money left over at the end of the day to pay for that as well. Let alone energy. So how do they get ahead? Hard work doesn't do it all. You need a break.

I don't think government can solve every problem and of course, it shouldn't. People have to get motivated, they have to learn to make good decisions. A single mom who's struggling should take steps to save money, she should not increase her family size while things are unstable, she should make good decisions. Same thing goes for a single dad. Or just anyone who's struggling to support their kids.

People who have gotten themselves out of that situation or similiar often tend to forget just how hard it was to get out of it. But for people to sit in judgment of the working poor, to say they shouldn't get any help, is paternalistic. It's just not that simple.

It's not just a math issue. It's a social issue, an education issue. People are far more complicated than that.

Now one could say that we need to leave people alone and let them solve their own problems. But how do you reconcile that with the fact that, these days, the deck is stacked against getting out of poverty? The cost of living is rising, gas is rising, credit is freezing up, people are losing their houses, food costs have risen.

But are wages rising?

No, they are not.

For example, I got a 1% raise last year. Someone recently told me that sometimes you have to give yourself a raise by getting a different job. I would like to get a different job. But I have insurance here and I have a child with significant emotional challenges. There are many appointments to attend for her and I've been here for a while, so my employer has gotten more flexible with me. I also have been awarded more PTO because of my length of employment here. I need those supports in order to raise this child.

And since credit scores count when you are job hunting, my chances of getting another job that actually pays more than this one are slim. My credit sucks. I spent a good part of my life screwing up. Now I'm paying for that. Even so, things are looking up. I'm not *still* making those terrible decisions.

Coming from a crazy family of origin, addled by addiction - That's part of how you get stuck as part of the working poor. You come from a crazy family of origin. It's up to you to overcome it, not something government can really help you with, but by the time you finally do, you've already made some serious messes that takes years to overcome. You didn't go to college because you were all screwed up and had no support. You made bad choices. Your decision making process was all screwed up.

No one wants to be part of the working poor. Most members of that class are doing everything they can to get out of it. They're WORKING but they can't seem to get ahead. If the government wants to promote a strong citizenry, if they want to promote a strong economy, it makes sense to help those people who are working hard and not getting anywhere.

This philosophy of 'it's just too bad, those people should work harder' is a bunch of crap. Sure, it makes people feel good so they don't have to think about all the other people in this world that are suffering. But it's not a philosophy that actually does anything to help the situation.

Help the People, Not the Fat Cats

This is the only place I can really get political. I thought of forwarding this OpEd to my family and friends, who liberally sent me anti-Obama, anti-Muslim vitriol, but no, I can’t. I’m such a coward! I still may, though. Many of them also sent me crap about giving the $700 billion bailout money to consumers, not businesses who f’ed us all over.

 

Oh well, at least I can share this editorial with you.

 

I fully agree with this editorial. I think it’s BS that the Republicans can so freely give my taxpayer money to banks and the auto industry and businesses, but then turn around and pinch pennies when it comes to health care for kids, help for parents of attachment-disordered kids, the ordinary problems of everyday Americans. We should be outraged, but no, we’ve got the working poor voting for Republicans because the Republicans promise to stop ‘gay marriage’ and ‘illegal immigration’; things that don’t even matter to these voters. Keith Olbermann of MSNBC asked a good question the other day – What is it to you? Why do you care about gay marriage or illegal immigration? It hardly affects us.

 

But this economic problem affects every person in the US. Especially us, the working poor. I don’t care about gay marriage; but please help me clothe my child and provide medical care for her if I can’t do it alone. I’m very lucky that I have married. We’re more secure now because of that. But were I still a single mom, I’d be scared out of my wits.

 

Op-Ed Columnist from the New York Times, 11/11/2008

Beyond the Fat Cats

By BOB HERBERT

Published: November 10, 2008

The most important thing the Democrats and President-elect Obama can do with regard to the economy is bring back a sense of fairness and equity.

Bob Herbert

The fat cats who placed the entire economy at risk with their greed and manic irresponsibility are trying to lay claim to every last dime in the national Treasury. Meanwhile, we’re nowhere close to an economic recovery program that will help the people who are hurting most.

Back in September, with the credit markets frozen and the stock markets panicking, the treasury secretary, Henry Paulson, was telling anyone who would listen that his $700 billion bailout package had to be passed with lightning speed — no time to look at it too closely, no time for dissent.

The package was modified, but hurriedly. Now we learn that while all eyes were focused on this enormous new burden for American taxpayers, Mr. Paulson’s department was also engineering — separate and apart from the bailout — what The Washington Post described as “a quiet windfall for U.S. banks. ”

With virtually no public attention, and without the input of Congress, Treasury made a change in an obscure tax provision that benefited banks to the tune of well over $100 billion. Was this good policy? In the absence of proper scrutiny, how is it possible to know?

We’ve also learned that the government bailout of the giant insurer, the American International Group — already more than $100 billion — is apparently insufficient. Tens of billions more are needed.

When the Champagne and caviar crowd is in trouble, there is no conceivable limit to the amount of taxpayer money that can be found, and found quickly.

But when it comes to ordinary citizens in dire situations — those being thrown out of work or forced from their homes by foreclosure or driven into bankruptcy because of illness and a lack of adequate health insurance — well, then we have to start pinching pennies. That’s when it’s time to become fiscally conservative. President Bush even vetoed a bill that would have expanded health insurance coverage for children.

We can find trillions for a foolish war and for pompous, self-righteous high-rollers who wrecked their companies and the economy. But what about the working poor and the young people who are being clobbered in this downturn, battered so badly that they’re all but destitute? Can we find any way to help them?

In an article on Sunday, The Times mentioned a young woman in Philadelphia, Kyuana Everett, who is 21 years old, has a high school diploma and is desperate for work. “I’ve tried everything,” she said, “retail sales, office work, but the employers all say they have too many staff and they’re not hiring now.”

The article noted that Ms. Everett cannot even afford to rent a room for herself. She stays with her grandmother, secretly, in a home for the aged.

This is no ordinary recession. With brokerage houses, banks and a mammoth multinational insurance company depending on the Treasury for resuscitation, and with automakers like General Motors staring bankruptcy in the face, it has the feel of a monster downturn, a recession on steroids.

That kind of downturn buries people at the bottom of the economic ladder. We have an obligation to look out for them as well as for the banks and the A.I.G.’s of the world.

If I could place a message on the desk of the incoming president, it would have just one word: Jobs.

With credit cards maxed out, the stock market in the tank, family savings depleted and home equity evaporating, that weekly or monthly paycheck has never been so important.

Congress and the new administration need to think big — bigger than the stimulus package of $100 billion or so, which is being kicked around. Now is the time for a coast-to-coast “Rebuild America” infrastructure program. Put people to work repairing and rebuilding roads and bridges, decrepit schools and ancient sewer systems. Get the construction industry back on its feet.

And now is the time to get going on candidate Obama’s promise to move the country as close as possible to a system of universal health insurance. Pump the money from that vast project into the economy and get those jobs up and running.

And let’s get some help, quickly, to the families who are suffering most from the housing crisis — the ones trembling and heartbroken in the dark shadow of foreclosure.

The naysayers will claim that all of this is too expensive, that we can’t afford it. Where were they when we invaded Iraq? And how do they feel about the staggering amounts being funneled, with nothing like the proper oversight, to the banks and Wall Street?

Let’s try investing in America and its people for a change, rather than just hurling our billions into the abyss.

 

A Final Thought on Religion

True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess.

 

-- Louis Nizer (1902-1994) American Lawyer

 

Why is Islam for Me, Part Two

So I was reading this terrible story about the nine year old girl in Yemen who was married to an adult and whatnot. Apparently this is a big problem in Yemen. Parents will sell their daughters to the highest bidder in marriage. And then these bastards that marry these children actually expect to have sex with these child-brides! Obviously, these men who are marrying girls that young are pedophiles who are using the culture to mask their intentions. 

Let me explain about Aisha. Some fool government official in Yemen explained that since the Prophet married his wife, Aisha, when she was six, but didn't consummate the marriage until later, then how can the Yemeni government raise the age of marriage (currently set at 16 but routinely flouted and not enforced)? 

That official is forgetting something. The Prophet didn't consummate that marriage until later, for one thing. Secondly, that was legal and culturally acceptable at that time. Life spans were far shorter than they are now. Thirdly, it was a different world at that time. Europeans were doing the same thing at that time. It is estimated that the Juliet character in Shakespeare's famous play was probably around 12 years old. Europeans evolved in terms of this issue, people living on the dark continent did not, apparently. 

The other thing that the official forgot is this -- a Muslim woman must give her non-coerced consent in order to be married. Sure, a girl who is constantly nagged by her family will probably give in. Therefore these folks may be following the letter of Islam, but they are not following the spirit of it. They are using semantics to say justify their actions and sell of their children.

Anyway, back to my own story. 

I had many stereotypes to deal with. I had heard all the stories of the Taliban and of Saddam Hussein's rule. They were Muslim. They oppressed women, big time. The Taliban was horrible...making women wear head to toe veils but that certainly was the least of their worries under that extremist, insane government. The Saudis, in my opinion, aren't much better. They have enshrined desert culture and they pervert Islam to justify it. 

Mack told me more about Islam. He is a Quranic Muslim. That means he only does what is in the Quran. He doesn't do many of the things that the self-appointed Muslim priesthood thinks he should. He reads the Quran and interprets it for himself. He suggested that I study the Quran. I wanted to learn, at the very least in order to know my loved one better and understand him. So I started reading about it. I discovered that there is no priesthood in Islam. There are no fancy rituals. Like the 12 steps, Islam is about fostering a direct connection between you and God. No intermediaries. You search out the will of God and you try and follow that will. 

The Prophet is dead. We do not worship the Prophet. We worship God. The Quran has never been altered since it was revealed to the Prophet. Two original copies exist - one is in Turkey and I forget where the other is. They are proof that the Quran has not been altered. It's still in its original text. This is a true miracle of God. Personally, I believe that man has probably corrupted the Bible. 

After reading about Islam, meeting many, many Muslims, praying in the Muslim way, I decided that Islam would be a good religion for me, a good way to express my faith. I like the Muslim belief in charity, the practicality of Islam, the belief in equal rights for women (yes they do believe in that). What was revealed to Muhammad in the Quran was way, way beyond Muhammad's time, and I don't think he could have come up with it himself. I also feel that it closely resembles what Jesus preached - tolerance, equality for all, etc.

So, I haven't been kidnapped. I haven't been brainwashed. I'm not wearing an oppressive set of clothes - not walking around unrecognizable in yards and yards of fabric. If I decide later on to wear hijab, then I will. I haven't finished reading the Quran, though, and I have yet to come upon the passage stating that I need to do this. Mack has told me that the priesthood has 'embellished' the requirements for dress for women; making them the same as in desert cultures and then calling it Islam. We'll see. 

Most importantly, I have a faith that works for me. To me, that is the function of religion.

Why is Islam for Me?

I used to be so proud of being Roman Catholic. I went to a Catholic school. I wore the little plaid jumper. It wasn’t Jesus’ fault that our school had the ugliest plaid ever. Blame it on the Sisters of Mary.

 

I started Catholic school in kindergarten and attended through my sophomore year of high school. All during that time, I had a feeling that God was taking care of us. Otherwise, how could my constantly stressed parents and our little family have survived this long? There must have been a Universal Someone looking out for us.

 

I remember being in first grade and learning about selfishness. In our religion workbook was a story about a little girl who had very little food and a little girl who had a lot of food for lunch. She was dressed nicely and very smiley. The poor girl was unhappy. We learned in religion class that we need to share with people who have less than we do. I drew piles and piles of cookies in my religion book. That poor girl was walled in with chocolate chip goodness. I crossed out and drew horns on little Miss Well-Fed. I could really identify with the poor girl. I always felt others had more than my family did. They probably did too. My mom was selling her blood to feed us, and she’d already pawned her wedding ring by this time. I don’t ever recall seeing her or my father wearing wedding rings. She regularly would return the Christmas gifts we got her in order to pay bills.

 

So I started going to church and learned what I was missing. I learned my catechism and what Catholics believe. That was all well and good, but I soon started having doubts. I couldn’t believe Jesus had died and risen from the dead. I just didn’t. But I was a good girl so I played along. Those adults must be right. I didn’t understand all the rituals or the purpose of them. They seemed confusing to me, and meaningless as well. Singing praises to some invisible God? Fawning over Him and singing all praises to this being? A simple thank-you wasn’t enough? I sure felt thankful each time my mom and dad got paid. Did this being care about all this buttering up that we were doing?

 

I am just one person, these are just what my thoughts were/are. Others can believe differently, that’s ok. God has created a world with room for us all.

 

Well I wanted to be a good girl. As noted, I’m an approval seeker. I didn’t want to get in trouble and I wanted my parents to love me. My sister was already causing trouble. The pride my mom obviously felt about my good grades and good reports from my teachers just felt so warm and delicious. I was not about to give that up by questioning Catholicism. And did I really care that much about religion? Not at that time. It was good enough for then. I didn’t really need the world explained to me at that time; nor did I really seek an explanation for anything about how the world came to be, or how I came to be. That story about how my mom puked into my dad’s hat while in labor was so funny; who needed a better creation / birth story than that one?

 

I continued to grow up. I turned into an addict. I struggled through life. I never questioned faith that much. At one point I considered converting to Lutheranism because it seemed like my in-laws would be very happy about that and maybe accept me. They seemed normal and they were Lutheran, so why not? But their eagerness to judge others and put others down just turned me off so much.

 

I think it’s apparent that I was not really seeking God at this stage in my life; I was seeking approval. From humans. Acceptance. From somewhere, anywhere I could get it.

 

Faith didn’t become very important to me and I didn’t really think about it much until I started working the 12 steps. The steps called for a relationship with a higher power of my choosing.

 

Wait. I could choose? Now that was a concept.

 

While working the steps, I decided what qualities that I needed in a higher power, whom I chose to call God. I learned a different way of relating to God. I came to believe that God could and would relieve me of my obsession and heal me, if I continued to do my part, if I continued to ask for and act on His will.

 

Then I met the Mackistani. I had already stopped identifying as Christian or Catholic. My old doubts about the rituals, the dogmas, the priesthood, the churches had arisen from my childhood and I realized that I didn’t need to tamp them down. My religion or faith was something entirely for me, not for others. I figured the answer would come eventually, but for right now, this faith was working for me. It was bringing me closer to my higher power – God, as I call him.

 

When I met the Mackistani, the time came for me to let him know about OA and its presence in my life. I had to explain it to him and that meant also explaining how things work with God too. When I did that, he exclaimed that that sounded an awful lot like Islam.

 

Now I had many negative stereotypes in my head about Islam. Some of them are still there; I was reading a story about child marriage in Yemen today and they cited the marriage of six year old Aisha to the Prophet. What ignorant people.

 

Well Mack is here to snag me. More tomorrow!!!