I am having a very whiney day.
I feel oh-so-put-upon because I have worked past 7pm at least 3 times in the past two weeks. Wah. I know there are some people who regularly expect to work that late; but I am an administrative assistant and that is not my expectation (nor is it my supervisor's), hence, when it happens, it is irritating to some degree. One late night every so often is not irritating. That would make me feel somewhat important and non-dispensable. But this is a little much for me. Every day is turning into a grinder.
And that is making me feel not so kindly toward other people. For example, Adminzilla's husband just called and whenever he calls, he just goes, "Adminzilla please." And I'm like, would you freakin' relax? My next thought was, "Gee, aren't they a matched set. Both of them think way too much of themselves…"
Poor Boyfriend got the brunt of it last night when I was running all day on 2 hours sleep, presenting a happy face to the office but taking way too much pent-up angst out on him. He had his gNat last night, so Monday nights are typically spent at his parents' house with him and the gNat and his mom and his great grandma. That's alright, but I am usually tired at the end of the day, so this little ritual, while enjoyable when conducted, is privately held in scorn by me. I had to run around on my employer's business last night and when I finally got there to pick him and the wee one up from his parents' house, the car had refused to start a few times and I was very very tired. Another way to read that sentence is to just think of the word "irritable". That sums it up nicely.
So I'm sitting in the kitchen while his mom is bouncing gNat on her knee and generally oohing and aahing over the future spoiled brat. I go, "You've been married for God knows how long. What makes it successful?" And she goes, "Every day, it's like a competition to see who can do the most for the other."
I don't know why, but that scared the heck out of me. So basically, it's all about getting outside of yourself. That is the crux of the matter. I am way too focused on my own problems to care about someone else to the depth that one must in order to make a marriage work. I'm too selfish.
Now she did not say that, and that is not what she meant either. Point is, why would it scare someone to hear that the secret to a happy marriage is to give all of yourself to your partner and then they will do the same for you? Why would that be scary? Because you would then have to take the focus off of yourself entirely and put it on the other person instead. That's what's scary. This is one of those times when I wish other people read this blog so I could hear what they think of this idea.
I need to relax pretty badly. I invited Boyfriend and gNat to come up here and visit me for lunch. I know it is unplanned, but it would relax me considerably to visit with them for like 15 minutes or something. Anything to get me away from this stupid desk. Boyfriend seemed a little put out that he must stop by my work (oh sweet Jesus no!!) and descend from on high during his time as Disneyland Dad with gNat to come and visit lowly childless old nag Me, but he agreed nonetheless.
That paragraph is just one example of why I seriously need to relax.
