I married the Mackistani on Sunday, 10/12/08, at 4pm.
It was such a beautiful fall day here in Omaha. I love fall, did I mention that? In my family, there is a procession of birthdays – first my sister’s in September, then mine in October, a week later my dad’s comes along, and then we have Thanksgiving and Christmas, followed closely by Mom’s birthday on Epiphany. J
I’m so happy. When I was married the first time, the first week of our marriage was marked by constant fighting, tears, struggles, etc. It was not like this. This has been blissful. When we went to sleep that night, we felt blessed. When we woke up, we were excited about building a life together. When I changed my name, I felt proud. We’re on day eight and no fighting. This is right.
We’re in a groove and things are good. I’m happy to be a wife again, to no longer be on my own to feed and clothe and care for Deirdre. I have a partner, a companion, a friend in the Mackistani. And strangely enough, I haven’t been in charge of this relationship since the beginning. I’ve done the best I can to take the steps I needed to and leave the outcomes to God, even if by chance I didn’t like those outcomes.
Every time I’ve set a boundary, it’s been respected. Every time I’ve asked for more, I’ve gotten it. When I’ve stood up for myself, I’ve been pleasantly surprised every time.
I am happy.
I wish more people were happy for me. In other words, I want everyone’s approval. Let’s just be honest here folks. I started this blog looking for approval and I still yearn for that sometimes. I don’t have my mom’s approval for the biggest thing of my life – raising Dee – nor do I have my dad’s approval and certainly not my sister’s. I’m an approval seeker and always have been.
At this point, I don’t have approval from my best friend of more than twenty years. Remember when we went up to Minnesota and she and the Mack had a snit? He really caused it but she really made it worse. So they both had a part in the snit. Now she’s admitted hers; Mack is having a harder time. That irritates me. I want everyone to get along. Thus they must approve of what I’m doing lol.
You’d be surprised at how ignorant college-educated people can be. They’re everywhere, these unlearned people. I told her that I was getting married the Friday before it happened. I emailed her at least twice and left two messages prior to that. Boy was she not impressed. When I called her from my car outside the bridal shop the Thursday before, she called my fiancee a womanizer and a jerk and a few things about control were thrown in too. I asked her where she was getting this bit about the womanizing? She didn’t have an answer.
Then this morning, I called her to say Happy Anniversary. She and her husband have managed to get to another one. J Let’s see….they’ve been married since 2001 – so seven years now. That’s about when I decided I was tired of my ex husband and sought a divorce. Earlier this year, she did call me and things weren’t well. But her husband is intelligent and so is she, and I think they are working things out. I hope it continues to go well for them.
So during this call this morning, she asked me about the wedding. And I gave her some details. She asked where we got married and I told her it was at the mosque. She’s like, ‘The what?’
‘The mosque.’
‘What’s that?’
‘An Islamic temple or something.’ I’m never sure what to call it. I guess a place a of worship is the best descriptor.
‘So you got married in his culture, not yours?’ See the ignorance starting to show? Mack is from Pakistan and he’s Muslim, therefore he must be a controller, a sexist, a womanizer, and an abuser.
I said, ‘Best Friend, ummm, yes, but that was my idea and my choice, not his. He wanted to go to the judge and I don’t believe in Christianity any more, but I didn’t want a courthouse wedding. So I suggested that we do this. I’m not being kidnapped by the evil Muslim, this was my choice.’
Then we talked about Islam and about how it’s worshipping the same God, that Christianity just doesn’t work for me anymore after the faith journey that I’ve been in. I always believed in God, but I never believed in the elaborate rituals, the crazy and unreasonable parameters by which I could be saved. Islam, like Christianity, may not be everyone’s choice and that is fine. It’s just the choice for me.
And now that I’ve written that, I fear that in two years, I’ll be doing something ELSE entirely! I always question my decisions and don’t trust myself. After all the scrapes I’ve gotten myself into, the bad choices that I’ve made, I guess it’s kinda understandable that I don’t trust myself. It’s getting better, but I’m not always 100% confident in all my decisions yet.
But the point of this post is that I’m married, I haven’t been kidnapped lol and I’m just happy as a clam. J
