April Update
Not sure if I told y'all that I told laBuddha about BF being back in my life or not but I did it. I had therapy one night and my therapist and I both agreed that it was something I needed to do. I think it has something to do with integrity, which is a concept that I am just now understanding at the ripe old age of 28. Hell, Mr. Wrong is going to be 34 this year in August and he still hasn't figured it out yet...

which is evident because he contacted me again. After I asked him not to after BF and I sent that letter to him. He emailed me the next day and asked why in a most pitiful email. I told him why -- that it smacks of dishonesty and I am not going to do that to another woman. I didn't say what I really thought, which was..."Look buddy, I am not going to become your Internet whore, k? Thanks but no thanks."

So anyway, he's busy being all friendly to me. I am not surprised he contacted me again. Part of me wanted him to, but at the same time, I am dismayed. I do not like the confusion that this brings with it. He said that us not being able to talk was 'dumb'. He told me that his girlfriend is pregnant and they are getting married in July on the 9th. And that the baby is due in October...which is funny because pregnancy tests in March showed negative. So he said. I think it is all a lie and I am not interested in being involved at all. Plus it messes with my head anyway, so that is not good for me.

So no contact between he and I is good...because I know it will lead to confusion, which is a euphemism for emotional cheating. Him having a girlfriend and possibly a baby on the way and me having a boyfriend did not stop either one of us from almost letting it start back up until BF helped me put the kaibosh on it...and then I reinforced that decision.

Things with BF are awesome to say the least. We have our rough patches...usually when I am not trusting him because I keep thinking he is going to turn into a demon or something. He doesn't deserve that though. On the whole though, we get along wonderfully. We are like two best friends. We will take our time and enjoy this time in our lives. They say cheaters cheat about every 2 years, so I think 2 years of courtship is a good, round number.

A funny thing about me...I find myself trying to be controlling with him while out in public...trying to show who's boss because I know he will not make a scene about it. Why do I feel compelled to perform before a crowd like that? It's insane. It's not how I really feel or what I really want. It's a lie. I have to be mindful of this problem...I have to make it stop, because it will eat at our relationship. And I will turn into a jerk. I did this with Michael -- or maybe a better way of saying that is that I learned it from Michael.

Whenever BF and I disagree about something, I sit and envision hitting him. I dearly would love to slap him or kick him or just basically physically hurt him. It is very scary to me...I don't want to be like that. I hold it in; I do not ever do that during a fight. Maybe when we are rough housing, but he knows I do not intend to hurt him and it is not a fear-filled, tension-filled situation.

I am watching the movie, Closer. It is awesome. BF would love it.

Anyway, back to LaBuddha. Well she decided I am not good enough for her so off with my head. I guess I am well rid of her, but you have to understand, I was closer to this woman than to my own mother. BF says that she is a codependent control freak and that is the MO of one of those. He has always said this about her...and he was right and I didn't want to see it. Even my therapist said so.

Well, K is asking who I am bringing with me to her son's wedding. I am afraid to break it to her. She will be pissed. She will claim she is hurt. It is so funny that she says all these things...she hardly ever shares details of her life with me.

I suppose I should be off to bed. :)